Hi everyone, I'm Heather. I'm transgender and live in Massachusetts.

It is very hard for me to ask for help, and harder to ask for help from people I've never met. I presently feel like there is a great risk to my well-being due to financial factors, which pushes me to put up this GFM.

I am currently a graduate student and work in mental health. Due to my poor mental health, I have struggled to keep up with my studies and the requirements of my program: since last year I have had an unpaid internship 3 days a week, after losing my (paid) job outside of my field in February of this year. I have recently started a paid internship which I am very lucky to have, but I have very few hours (average of 4 a week). As such, I have gone from having savings to cover several months of expenses to now living month-to-month. I have been stuck in the health care plan that I had when I was employed full-time which is much more expensive than I can afford, and due to my worsening mental health I have not been able to do anything but the bare minimum when it comes to my own survival. For a very long time I have attributed this to being my own fault, and not worth asking for help with. While I am changing plans during the upcoming open enrollment period, this was a significant financial burden.

Throughout my studies I have suffered physical, emotional, and financial abuse at home. In February (around the time I lost my job) I was attacked in a hospital by a family member due to being transgender. I have had family going through my possessions/personal space, threaten to evict me/call police on me, and otherwise reduce any measures I had to ensure my own well-being. This same family would need to borrow money to pay rent that has still not been returned to me, and I do not feel comfortable planning on it being returned within the near future. As there were also friends of the family saying they would harm me (or worse), I was not comfortable demanding what was ultimately my own money.

I refused to ask for help, but was successfully able to move out this September despite the circumstances. I presently live in the greater Boston area. While I split rent with a roommate, I am on a six month lease at a location that I cannot entirely afford due to a lack of hours at my job. I am constantly suffering from anxiety, stress, and hopelessness as I try to finish my degree, afford my own survival, and keep myself together enough to work as a visibly-transgender person in the mental health field.

Despite these struggles, I am (somehow) doing very well in my work, which I am passionate about. While I believe I can grow this position into stable, consistent employment, I do not know when that will happen and sometimes worry I am deluding myself.

I have been suffering from constant financial insecurity due to circumstances out of my control since I was an adolescent. Besides my HRT, I cannot yet afford several things that would make me happier in my own body. However, I am more concerned with my immediate survival for the next few months while I finish my degree and build up my current job. I have no local friends, and my current companion has fled the country as she no longer feels safe in the United States. I elected to stay behind because I have to finish my degree, ensure I can keep my job, and because I am growing increasingly afraid that I will run out of money.

I am, ultimately, just trying to seek temporary relief while I secure my own stability, as the security I did set aside from myself has been taken from me and has not yet been returned. I struggle to keep up with the baseline requirements for my own survival and have been getting physically ill due to stress/anxiety. I feel I have nowhere to turn for short-term help besides this posting.

Thank you for reading and anything else you elect to do. I try not to make my problems/difficulties visible, so viewing them means a lot to me.