Disabled from memory loss from ECT

Hello, I'm Jacob.

- I did approximately 15 ECT (Electroconvulsion Therapy) treatments, and have been suffering from memory loss since 2019.

- ECT is done with 2 electrodes to the skull to mimic a seizure in an attempt to get neurons to go to the right place.  It is for treatment resistant depression.

- I continued to work doing technical support until I broke down because I had a hard time working the system that I had been using everyday for 3 years.

- I was told the memory loss was temporary so I believed I would get better.   Having that hope, I did not have insurance for the majority of 2019.  I attempted to go back to work twice before I got on long term disability.  It is still an ongoing struggle.

- My private disability runs out in April 2021, and my SSDI Trial date isn't until September 2021

- I've been denied medicaid and medicare and am paying 476$ monthly for insurance which is over 25% of my 1733$ disability per month that ends in April.

- If I could do it over again, I would not do ECT for treatment resistant depression. But at that time I was willing to try anything to get the 10 year long cold self hate off of my back and off of my mind.

- The money will be used for just a little over 3000$ of past medical bills.

There is a happy ending, for depression I found Spravato or a nasal ketamine that has helped me become myself again, minus the memory, but no more depression! I do Spravato at a clinic twice monthly. I still take 6 different medications and am treated by a psychiatrist monthly and a therapist weekly.

I have a twitch account set up with the goal of helping others with depressive thoughts and just be an ear.  Kind of like an online peer support.  That is a personal slow moving project, but I would like to help others recognize their distorted thoughts before they come to the end of their rope like I did.

If I am approved for SSDI next year, I plan on working somewhere in the mental health field. To be there for others who are currently going through a depression, anxiety or substance abuse problems.  In this strange path that I am on, the silver lining, a test from God? I believe I have found my calling.

Challenges are what make life interesting, and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

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