Humbled and heartbroken
Spende geschützt
Hello, my name is Becky and I am about to do the hardest, and possibly most embarrassing, thing I have ever done. I have timed this Go Fund Me page to go live and post on my Facebook page just about the same time I go in to surgery. To be completely honest, I'm a bit embarrassed about posting this, so putting it up when I know that I won't be able to be online for a day or two is probably a good thing for my anxiety level today. To be honest, I'm not quite positive how this works, or exactly how much money I need, but to be completely debt free, it's a lot. I just had to put an amount down. But even significantly less than this amount will change my situation dramatically. I don't imagine that I will actually receive anything, so if I'm subjecting myself to ridicule as it is, I might as well just put it all out there. I have a huge fear of social embarrassment and that people will judge me and my family for this post and for needing some help. I really hope and pray that this doesn't embarrass my daughter, because I know kids can be mean. But I know that she has some really amazing and supportive friends and I just need to trust that those of you seeing this are our friends and family, and that you love my family enough not to pass judgement that I am so petrified of. A very good friend of mine encouraged me to post this and suggested I give it a shot, even if it means letting my guard down and putting myself out there...
I guess I should tell you a little about me and why I'm here today... I am the mom of the most amazing child. She is funny, smart, talented, and amazingly kind and compassionate. Because she's a minor and I have never experienced how far these fundraising pages can reach, I would prefer to keep her name confidential at this time. It's also the reason the photo I chose is a photo that I took and not a photo of me, besides the fact that I also really don't like being photographed, lol. I will try to get something up of me soon, but no promises. I understand that my lack of a personal photo might discourage some people from reading any further, but I'm okay with that. Those that know my family will understand how hard this is for me to even do in the first place...
My background story:
As a single mom for many many years, I have come to understand that lots of people make judgements about single parents. To me, being a single parent means the opposite of every stereotype I have ever heard. I have worked incredibly hard for years as a special education paraprofessional with children on the autism spectrum. It was the most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever done. I worked hard because I wanted to provide a good life for my child without assistance but it also taught her some amazing lessons about being a better, more compassionate human being.
I have never received a penny of child support and have never had any type of assistance. While some people may complain about that, I actually take a lot of pride in the fact that I have been able to provide so many amazing opportunities for my daughter, completely on my own.
In the summer 2013, my mother was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of endometrial cancer and given less than 5% survival rate. This was unbelievably hard on my daughter, because they were very close. But by summer 2014, my mother was doing a lot better. My daughter was cast as the leading role in a musical about an hour away from our home at a professional theater company and since we loved the area and we had several friends there, we decided that since my mom was in an okay place that we would rent an apartment in the area so we wouldn't have to drive back and forth. It was close enough to get back if my mom needed anything, and for my daughter and I, it was the perfect move at the perfect time. God was good to us. My daughter made some amazing new friends and I found an amazing new job as a special education paraprofessional at a residential treatment facility for children on the autism spectrum. It was amazing! Things were going so great in our new home!
On May 14, 2015, everything changed. For legal reasons, I can't go in to too many details about the situation but when I was at work, I was injured very badly by a student. The pain was unbearable. Nothing made it better. The physical pain and the numbness in my arms and legs was getting worse by the day. Doctors sent me to PT and things continued to become worse. People were baffled, because they should have been improving, but they were not. So finally, after 2 1/2 months, I was sent for an MRI. The MRI results showed that not only did I have 4 herniated discs, but they also revealed that I had received a spinal cord injury! My symptoms are progressing daily and I am having more and more difficulty walking and holding things. I am losing all sensation from the neck down. And the numbness is constant, painful, and spreading by the day. There are many more symptoms of the spinal cord injury that are rather personal and embarrassing so I think I will spare you those details. I was told that without surgery, my symptoms would continue to progress until I lost the ability to walk on my own. I was also told that if I was in an accident, or fall, or did anything that reinsured the spinal cord injury in any way, that without surgery I stood a very good chance of becoming paralyzed. My spinal cord injury is located at the C4-C5 vertebrae level, meaning paralysis from the neck down. Surgery was recommended urgently, as soon as possible.
I have been unable to work for the last several months. I receive "workers compensation" pay, which pays only a very small fraction of what my weekly salary was before I was injured. No matter how I have tried to stretch it, it is just not enough to pay my bills, my rent, buy groceries, go to the laundromat, or even put gas in my car to get to and from dr appointments and other commitments, such as school requirements for my daughter. She has classes 3 days a week before school and sometimes I just don't have enough gas to get her there.
Embarrassingly, the one time that I can probably actually benefit from food stamps or other assistance programs, I am told that workers comp pays me $12 over the monthly allowed limit, so I don't qualify. The amount of money I receive is not enough to actually put a dent in my debts and I am falling very behind. Almost every dime goes to paying rent and buying gas for my car to get to appointments, the rest goes to buying food and what I can on bills. But I am still behind on everything. My landlord leaves me notes daily asking for more money.
My employment was conditional on my ability to perform my job duties. When doctors wouldn't clear me to return to work, I received a termination letter in the mail. No severance pay, just a pamphlet about unemployment - which I am not allowed to claim because I currently receive workers comp.
As I post this, I am currently in surgery in Boston. I will be in the hospital for several days. Once I am home, I am told that I will be unable to drive for 3-5 months.
I think I waited until going in to surgery to post this because I'm embarrassed to admit that I need a little help. I have never needed help and I don't like needing help. I know that most people I could ask are just really not in the position to help me at all. I feel guilty and honestly a little humiliated even putting this out there. I hope that you all know me well enough by now to know that I never complain about finances and I never ask for anything. But, I am at a point where I don't really know where else to turn. I am hurting financially and don't really even know where the end of this medical situation will come or what it will be. Not being allowed to work, when I want (and need) to so much, is very hard for me.
Friends, I know that none of you are really in a place to lend me money. So I feel horrible even posting this, but I'm not sure what else to do because I am very worried that when I get home from Boston and my surgery, I will be facing major bills and I am so afraid that my landlord will not be understanding of the situation and I could potentially face losing my apartment. There are no words in the English language that adequately allows me to express how grateful I would be if this works, even if only to cover my next tank of gas and a little on my rent Any money raised would be used to cover my past due rent, unpaid medical bills, gas, car insurance and car expenses, to purchase groceries and other daily living expenses. As well as to cover the travel expenses to and from Boston, that workers comp will not cover. I don't know how or when I could repay anyone, but when I am back on my feet and allowed to work again, if not before, I will find a way to pay it forward!
Thanks for reading and that you for not viewing me as a bad person for posting this. Thanks for not judging me. I love you all.
I guess I should tell you a little about me and why I'm here today... I am the mom of the most amazing child. She is funny, smart, talented, and amazingly kind and compassionate. Because she's a minor and I have never experienced how far these fundraising pages can reach, I would prefer to keep her name confidential at this time. It's also the reason the photo I chose is a photo that I took and not a photo of me, besides the fact that I also really don't like being photographed, lol. I will try to get something up of me soon, but no promises. I understand that my lack of a personal photo might discourage some people from reading any further, but I'm okay with that. Those that know my family will understand how hard this is for me to even do in the first place...
My background story:
As a single mom for many many years, I have come to understand that lots of people make judgements about single parents. To me, being a single parent means the opposite of every stereotype I have ever heard. I have worked incredibly hard for years as a special education paraprofessional with children on the autism spectrum. It was the most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever done. I worked hard because I wanted to provide a good life for my child without assistance but it also taught her some amazing lessons about being a better, more compassionate human being.
I have never received a penny of child support and have never had any type of assistance. While some people may complain about that, I actually take a lot of pride in the fact that I have been able to provide so many amazing opportunities for my daughter, completely on my own.
In the summer 2013, my mother was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of endometrial cancer and given less than 5% survival rate. This was unbelievably hard on my daughter, because they were very close. But by summer 2014, my mother was doing a lot better. My daughter was cast as the leading role in a musical about an hour away from our home at a professional theater company and since we loved the area and we had several friends there, we decided that since my mom was in an okay place that we would rent an apartment in the area so we wouldn't have to drive back and forth. It was close enough to get back if my mom needed anything, and for my daughter and I, it was the perfect move at the perfect time. God was good to us. My daughter made some amazing new friends and I found an amazing new job as a special education paraprofessional at a residential treatment facility for children on the autism spectrum. It was amazing! Things were going so great in our new home!
On May 14, 2015, everything changed. For legal reasons, I can't go in to too many details about the situation but when I was at work, I was injured very badly by a student. The pain was unbearable. Nothing made it better. The physical pain and the numbness in my arms and legs was getting worse by the day. Doctors sent me to PT and things continued to become worse. People were baffled, because they should have been improving, but they were not. So finally, after 2 1/2 months, I was sent for an MRI. The MRI results showed that not only did I have 4 herniated discs, but they also revealed that I had received a spinal cord injury! My symptoms are progressing daily and I am having more and more difficulty walking and holding things. I am losing all sensation from the neck down. And the numbness is constant, painful, and spreading by the day. There are many more symptoms of the spinal cord injury that are rather personal and embarrassing so I think I will spare you those details. I was told that without surgery, my symptoms would continue to progress until I lost the ability to walk on my own. I was also told that if I was in an accident, or fall, or did anything that reinsured the spinal cord injury in any way, that without surgery I stood a very good chance of becoming paralyzed. My spinal cord injury is located at the C4-C5 vertebrae level, meaning paralysis from the neck down. Surgery was recommended urgently, as soon as possible.
I have been unable to work for the last several months. I receive "workers compensation" pay, which pays only a very small fraction of what my weekly salary was before I was injured. No matter how I have tried to stretch it, it is just not enough to pay my bills, my rent, buy groceries, go to the laundromat, or even put gas in my car to get to and from dr appointments and other commitments, such as school requirements for my daughter. She has classes 3 days a week before school and sometimes I just don't have enough gas to get her there.
Embarrassingly, the one time that I can probably actually benefit from food stamps or other assistance programs, I am told that workers comp pays me $12 over the monthly allowed limit, so I don't qualify. The amount of money I receive is not enough to actually put a dent in my debts and I am falling very behind. Almost every dime goes to paying rent and buying gas for my car to get to appointments, the rest goes to buying food and what I can on bills. But I am still behind on everything. My landlord leaves me notes daily asking for more money.
My employment was conditional on my ability to perform my job duties. When doctors wouldn't clear me to return to work, I received a termination letter in the mail. No severance pay, just a pamphlet about unemployment - which I am not allowed to claim because I currently receive workers comp.
As I post this, I am currently in surgery in Boston. I will be in the hospital for several days. Once I am home, I am told that I will be unable to drive for 3-5 months.
I think I waited until going in to surgery to post this because I'm embarrassed to admit that I need a little help. I have never needed help and I don't like needing help. I know that most people I could ask are just really not in the position to help me at all. I feel guilty and honestly a little humiliated even putting this out there. I hope that you all know me well enough by now to know that I never complain about finances and I never ask for anything. But, I am at a point where I don't really know where else to turn. I am hurting financially and don't really even know where the end of this medical situation will come or what it will be. Not being allowed to work, when I want (and need) to so much, is very hard for me.
Friends, I know that none of you are really in a place to lend me money. So I feel horrible even posting this, but I'm not sure what else to do because I am very worried that when I get home from Boston and my surgery, I will be facing major bills and I am so afraid that my landlord will not be understanding of the situation and I could potentially face losing my apartment. There are no words in the English language that adequately allows me to express how grateful I would be if this works, even if only to cover my next tank of gas and a little on my rent Any money raised would be used to cover my past due rent, unpaid medical bills, gas, car insurance and car expenses, to purchase groceries and other daily living expenses. As well as to cover the travel expenses to and from Boston, that workers comp will not cover. I don't know how or when I could repay anyone, but when I am back on my feet and allowed to work again, if not before, I will find a way to pay it forward!
Thanks for reading and that you for not viewing me as a bad person for posting this. Thanks for not judging me. I love you all.
Organisator
Becky Straight
Organisator
Lenox, MA