My name is Hannah. I am nineteen years old and I live in a tiny town in Sweden. I go to school for one-two days a week studying civics.
When I'm not in school I'm either at some kind of health-related apointment ,at home doing chores/daily living (the few things I'm still able to do takes a lot of time and energy for me) or likely something dogrelated.
I also have to sleep a lot more than the normal person and rest a lot to have any energy left during to get things done, which is pretty hard with constant pain keeping you awake.
I'll wake up exhausted, in pain, stiffness, feeling sick and being dizzy. Often with a headache or migraine. If I have slept anything at all I'm still as tired. A lot of days I cannot make it up from the bed in a few hours and have to depend on my partner (who I am now moving apart from) to give me medicines, food, water and whatever I might need. If he's not home i'm, bluntly put, screwed. Everything hurts. If I lie completely still it's sometimes manageable but forget about moving.
Other days I make it halfway and nearly faint onto the floor, depending on someone to give me something to eat before I faint completely.
On a good day I might make it to the kitchen to make my own breakfast (with help reaching certain things).
Every step hurts. It hurts in my feet, my legs, my back, my neck, everywhere. Intense pain shooting through me every time I move. I get false infarctpains, often fearing it's a real heartinfarct. I'll feel sick and be unable to keep my balance. I'll notice the signs of an intense migraine coming on, wondering when it will explode, like a ticking bomb. My whole body is a mess from just trying to keep itself together and not fall apart. All the muscles are working overtime on making sure my joints stay in place. I'll be foggy, unable to think straight, unable to pick out words for what I want to say, like a zombie. Trying to bend is out of question. Want to get something from the bottom-drawer? Too bad.
Currently there are no real goodmedication against fibromyalgia or EDS and nothing I've tried have worked for me. I have to rely on someone else, in this case my mate, always being there. The thing is, he won't be here, since we are moving apart and I realize how I would not survive on my own, and that too, hurts. Not being able to be independent. I can't just decide to go to the mall one day or even plan for it because it would be way too exhausting and impossible for me to plan (some days I can't get out of bed).
Now this is just the fibro and EDS on it's own, then there's the migraines, hypoglycemia, C-PTSD and neuropsychiatric issues such as aspergers and add.
I cannot keep focused on anything and dissociate a lot. I forget what I'm doing, where I'm going, if I'm holding anything in my hand, what I'm saying. I get lost and drop things without noticing. Any sensory input drains me and hurts, noise, lights, people, touch.
I have bad compulsions to basically do anything I do not want to do like hitting myself or turning the volume to max. Real bad skinpicking. Draining routines. I have flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks about past traumas, always being paranoid and leaving me in a disabling panic state of mind. Sometimes I fear going to sleep because of the nightterrors. Certain sounds, smells, thoughts, areas and so on can trigger horrible panic attacks. All this results in selfhate, feeling worthless, having no independence, not able to do normal things. I feel bad for having to rely on others and I constantly feel like a failure.
Now to the goal with this funding...
My goal with this fundraiser is to be able to educate my puppy, "Tycho", through professional instructors and mentors to be a service dog. If there's any funds left over that will go towards his other classes, gear, quality food, vet, insurance, testing etc. The puppy itself chosen for it's perfect service dog temperament and the suitability for the breed matched with me (He's an Australian Shepherd) cost 2000$ alone. He would help me become more independent and enable me to do things normal people can do, with less suffering too. I would actually be able to go to the mall, wash, "run" errands and such myself. I want the dog not to rely on but rather to become more independent. I want to be able to survive by myself and get through my paindays by myself. I cannot rely on anyone always being there anymore, I don't want to either, but a dog would be differemt. I wouldn't feel as dependant.
I want to do things myself, anything that a healthy person can do! I want to be able to buy groceries, do laundry, make breakfast by myself in the morning, survive by myself on bad days, be able to use public transportation, go to the mall, be able to walk places without it being torture.
Except for extremely good obedience and advanced public access training the dog would learn how to..
♥retrieve named objects for me (VERY useful when I'm stuck in bed and need medication, phone, food etc) as well as retrieve objects i point at with a laser.
♥pick up things i drop (I drop things without noticing it a lot), pick up things i ask for, leave the things to another person, put away things.
♥open drawers and doors
♥pull me forward when the fatigue is too bad or in places like stairs
♥support my balance
♥open lids (like the one on the trashcan i usually can't reach myself)
♥calm and notice/alert panicattacks before they go to far as well as alarm and get help
♥help with laundry
♥turn the lights on and off
♥get me my cane
♥wake me up when my alarm goes off
♥interupt selfharm, skinpicking and stimming
♥provide a buffer/shield for me in crowded areas,
♥extinguish flashbacks and overloads by bringing me into the here and now
♥provide deep pressure during panic attacks
♥stand behind/in front of me or circle around me to create a barrier
♥pull my wheelchair
♥help pull off a jacket, pants, socks or shoes and more.
♥alert to low bloodsugar and get my me emergency-case
Except for these great tasks it would also provide me warmth (soothes the pain a lot), security, independence, make me exercise more (which is really though to get yourself to do when you're dealing with this pain but it helps in the long term!), make social connections easier and enable me to do a lot of things I can't now, like going places by myself and surviving without other persons always helping me out.
Having this dog should provide me with a much higher level of independence, exercise, energy, social connections and security as well as just enabling me to live a more normal life with less pain. It would mean the world to me to get a bit of my life back and manage to do things on my own, with help of 4 paws. Every little bit helps, really. If 100 persons contribute with 5 dollars each, that's already 500 dollars and that's amazing!
Even if you cannot donate you can help by spreading the word, Thank you so much for reading!
DonationsSee top donations
- Jennifer See
- Viktor Byström
- Paul Stimpson
- Tokitty @fA
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