Before I moved back to the US, I had a 1-on-1 with one of my pastors in Malaysia. We prayed together, and when closing up, she prayed and prophesied over me. She said that God showed her a vision, where I'll be inspiring and influencing women's life here in the United States. A year and a half in to my Christian faith, I didn't understand why specifically women, but I took it and held it dearly to my heart.
Few month after I moved to the US, another leader texted me and asked if I would move back to Malaysia and serve in church with them again. I replied "Haha, maybe. I don't know, I'm enjoying life here in the US." And he replied, "Well, if you ever do wanna come back to serve with us, we will open up a women's ministry for you."
Okay hold up...why is it always surrounding women? Women ministry? Why?
I still held them dearly in my heart while not understanding what the heck is going on.
May 2016, I attended my first ever Colour Conference. My first women's conference. I seriously don't know what to expect.
There was this one session called Worship and Warfare. It was a panel with Taya Smith, Laura Toggs, Cass Langton, and Brooke Ligertwood, where they shared their story about their personal revelation of worship, and how it changed their own lives. 30 seconds in and my face was already covered in tears. Their stories were beautiful. I made a prayer and told God that I want to be one of them one day. He then showed me a vision where I was on stage sharing my story to hundreds and thousands of women. I thought I was crazy when I had that vision. Immediately the devil was reminding me "who do you think you are? you really think that you could be on that stage? shush" .
After that, Hillsong College did became one of my college options. Well, kinda. I've always wanted to go to a regular college like everybody else did. I wanted to study Psychology, because I wanted to help people. Little did I know that, whenever my friends seek advises from me, I would always ask them to seek God first before men.
Fast forward Feb 2017, we had out first Encounter Conference (Hillsong NYC)! It's a conference for Youth and The Block (young adults). Between May 2016 - Feb 2017, I was still hesitating whether I should go to Hillsong College or not. I always felt defeated whenever it came to my mind because this voice would always haunt me and and tell me that I couldn't do it. During conference, when Pastor Steve -- our youth pastor was preaching, he said something like "The devil tends to blurry your visions and your calling. Don't let it fool you." Right then my spiritual eyes were opened. I AM GOING TO HILLSONG COLLEGE. That was my first thought after he said that. (Thank you Steve!)
"Yes, I'm going to Hillsong College! Yay! Oh wait...Jessica, you're broke. Are you sure you have the money to go to Australia?" said me. Finances has been holding me back. I want to go to HC, but I don't have the money, and I can barely afford rent or pay my bills. I'm still not sure if I should go or not.
April 2017, the night before Colour Conference, I made a prayer "God, if I'm really called to do ministry, please send someone to talk to me about it, or just send someone to give me something Hillsong College related, on conference day, only. Anyone, friends or strangers. Anyone."
The day of Colour Conference, I was serving with Resource team and was standing by the Sisterhood stand. Right in front of us was Hillsong College's stand. I was so tempted to go forward and ask them all the questions I have about college, but I resisted. I told myself to be patient, and wait on the Lord. Whole day went by, nobody mentioned anything HC to me. Cool. It's okay Jessica. It's okay. When we started packing down, I was losing hope, but still had a tiny bit in me hoping someone would stop by. Minutes later this guy stopped by and gave me something. I was tired so I was like "yeah, they're just trying to get rid of the stuffs." and shoved the card into my winter coat.
After we were done packing down, I pulled the card out of my pocket to see what it is. Guess what? It was a Hillsong College Invitation! HOLY SWEET JESUS! I was shaking and praising God. I was so excited! At that moment I knew that I didn't have to worry about money, because He will provide.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing." Psalm 23:1 (NIV)
WOMEN ON PLATFORM
"SHE IS CLOTHED IN STRENGTH AND DIGNITY; SHE CAN LAUGH AT THE DAYS TO COME. SHE SPEAKS WITH WISDOM, AND FAITHFUL INSTRUCTIONS IS ON HER TONGUE." PROVERBS 31:25-26 (NIV)
Growing up in a family who values men over women, I never thought that a woman would ever have a voice to speak up for herself. After I was saved, I've always felt so empowered whenever I see a woman of God on stage preaching the word or sharing her story. It shows me that it is possible for a woman to have a platform and speak up for herself and speak for those who don't have a voice. I have a voice, and I'll speak for those who can't.
Whenever I had the vision of myself sharing my story about how Jesus changed my life, I always thought that I was having crazy thoughts. There were also times where the challenges and obstacles seem impossible to overcome that I breakdown into tears, knees on the ground asking God, "Why me? Why? Why do I have to experience the pain of losing my father? Why me in this broken family?" God whispered, "Because I want to use you." Soft, yet firm and clear.
My life is crazy, its like a roller coaster, or sometimes it feels like a hurricane. Throughout these years, He strengthened me with His love. He calmed the waves raging within me. He taught me how to fight the Goliath within me. He crowned me as His daughter. I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.
I want to share my story to others, and I want them to know how Jesus has changed my life. I want everyone to know that Jesus loves them more than anyone else. I want everybody to know the goodness of God. I want them to know that they are a child of God. I want them to know that they are royal. I want everyone to know that they are stronger than they think they are, because Jesus has their back!
If Jesus could change my life, He sure could change yours too!
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have love you, so you must love one another." John 13:34 (NIV)
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