It's been a rough couple of months. Problems with a landlord who defaults on her obligation to fix a house that is falling apart threaten to leave us homeless or lead us into a court case, or probably both. Both of us are struggling with depression. While trying to make sure the E gets everything he needs, especially sleep!
The E was truly a miracle baby. Especially since doctors in Singapore told me I would never have children after an earlier miscarriage. But also because both of us almost died during delivery, but we pulled through.
And all that was thanks to a negligent gynae in Belgium who didn't "notice" in the ultrasound that there were 4 large wads of fibroids 10cm in diameter hindering his growth. This explained my large belly and what a small baby he was -- he simply had no room to grow. It also explained a lot of the pain I endured, all while other mummies were saying to me I must have a low threshold of pain and that "Come on, pregnancy and contractions don't hurt THAT much."
At the point of delivery, the E was squashed in a corner, his heart rate dropping to almost nothing, as the nurses in the room panicked and scurried to do everything they could to save him -- and where was my gynae in all of this? "On the way," she had informed the nurses. She never showed up. Thankfully another gynae made the quick decision for an emergency ceserean that delivered a beautiful but tiny baby boy, our Eden.
We want to make an official case against the gynae. We want to make sure another mother-to-be in future doesn't die or lose her child on this gynae's watch. We want to protect those where we failed to be protected.
The fibromia from pregnancy that the gynae never diagnosed could not be removed during the birth and put me at risk from suddenly bleeding to death in an impact. So a year after, on 5/10/17, I went under the knife again to try and buy more time to be able to watch my son grow up.
The operation was successful, in that the fibroids were removed as much as possible. But lack of information in my files thanks to said negligent gynae meant an operation that also left an overwhelming amount of adhesions and endometriosis. Which meant game over for my womb and my ovaries -- and goodbye to any hope of giving the E a sibling. As I lay in hospital trying to get better, all I could think of was that this operation was for nothing and that one day I'll have to remove my entire womb anyway. (Well it wasn't totally for nothing, I hopefully won't die so easily now!)
While in hospital I just felt so helpless. Unable to help myself or my family, watching my husband struggle, simply without any mental strength to cope, or any will to live. With his job in jeopardy being on long sick leave from the depression meds.
On the day I was to be discharged I received a call from a company, chasing for bills owed from 4 months ago. This turned out to be just 1 of about 10 companies. I came home to a high stack of papers that made absolutely no sense in a language I didn't fully understand. In our cloud of depression, we simply had no strength nor will to go about doing what would be such a simple and easy task to most people.
In his exhaustion on the way home from taking care of me in the hospital, my husband was in an accident and crashed the car. And so now on top of everything else, there was a new huge worry.
Someone asked me, "How much is the operation going to cost?" To be honest, we don't know.
I don't know how many of you have been in such situations where no matter what you do, life just doesn't give you a break? Where you're not in control of your own thoughts, feelings and situation? I used to be the person whose motto was "There are no problems, only challenges." I would strive to let every issue roll off my back, and take only my cheer to the next day. I tried my best to bring joy to all the people around me.
That feeling is elusive to me now. It feels like we are trying to claw our way out of a huge hole we've fallen in, only to discover it's quicksand. Every day I say "We'll get through this, we'll make it, it will all work out in the end." But every day something else presents new obstacles and bends our spirit.
We need help. I'm not too ashamed to say, "We can't do this on our own."
We need help with the everyday things -- if you didn't know mental strength was needed to even wash a plate -- it does.
We need help with the administrative stuff, all that paperwork with looming deadlines and additional late charges to make the poor poorer.
We need help to take care of Eden when we simply aren't in the right mind to offer him the patience and the guidance he needs. We need help to make sure he gets the best and doesn't suffer from us suffering.
We need help with the house. We moved in September and till now there are rooms in which we move around in darkness because there are no lights installed.
We need help with food. I had a ceserean and I cannot move freely like I used to. I really want to be able to cook for my family, but it doesn't seem like it is going to happen soon. I know, I need to focus on my recovery before attempting something like that. In the meantime, if you have extra food, please, we don't mind.
Lastly, we need help with our financial situation. This situation isn't going to last forever, I know that. But we need help to get through this rough bump. I don't know if tomorrow will be better, but one of the tomorrows in the future will be. Till then, we really could use all the help we could get.
This all started just because one friend of mine nudged me to start a page. "Don't want lah," I said, "I don't want to ask for money. Who will want to give anyways?" His answer was simple and heartwarming in a time like this: "I will." :'(
Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts. Your help and love are always appreciated. Every kind motivational word and listening ear are always dear to us. Every helping hand, precious beyond value. Thank you for always being there for us, and silently rooting for us. Thank you for wanting us to succeed as much as we want to too! Thank you.
Lots of love,
Michelle, Michiel & Eden
DonationsSee top donations
- Simone Irani
- Ophelia Tan
- Sara B
#1 fundraising platform
More people start fundraisers on GoFundMe than on any other platform. Learn more
Expert advice, 24/7
Contact us with your questions and we’ll answer, day or night. Learn more