#help-a-stubborn-farmer-out
I think Brian tells his current situation best but this hasn’t been a recent development - Brian has battled with ill health, disability and the depression that those things inevitably bring, all the while still farming and trying to make ends meet by working off the farm too. Brian’s words:
“What's on my mind? There's a rabbit hole! Since I was in the UW hospital in May I've gained some weight and have my chrones symptoms under control. This means I can have surgery and should find out Monday when surgery is. This is making me very stressed/ anxious! Not entirely in a good way kinda anxious.
Since I haven't been to work since March 13 of this year, per Dr. orders as a result of my severe chrones flare up and pending surgery, which means I lost my specific job position. I still have a job with the company, but I may have hoops to jump through to remain in the QA/lab department. Because I haven't been working in some time I'm not in a good place financially. Short term disability benefits took a very long time to pay and the actual amount paid is very dismal at best. I would have been financially better off being fired and on unemployment, much better! So some things are coming due and others accruing. A couple individuals have suggested "GOFUNDME" , but I'm stubborn and bad about asking for help of any kind. It's also unclear how soon I'll be able to get back to work after surgery, but likely sometime in the fall. This adds to the situation.
Having been at home through this with my farm/gardens/animals has been positive physical and mental health therapy. I've also been able to pursue some more things to market from the farm. I hope to be able to more aggressively sell next year. I sarcastically/pessimistically add my "#singlefarmerlife and #thebachelorfarmers " hashtags to things to poke fun at myself. Six years plus single and counting the days. I've even started to worry about further down the road trying to get by alone. I accept this plight/side affect of farming and rural life. Let's face it unless you come to agriculture with substantial financial resources and family support ain't nobody gonna wanna sign up PERIOD.... Keeping this all up during surgery and recovery is heavy on my mind. The past few days I've been very preoccupied with these thoughts more than ever. I sleep ok, but nightmares are on continuous play mode when I sleep. This means I get up in the morning very exhausted. Thursday evening I stopped on my way home from errands for a "carry out" and this was in my fortune cookie. I've been thinking about this since. I also understand that when you have a need that you need to express it. I'm trying not to stress and let anxiety take over, but I'm losing the battle it feels at present.
So I'm putting all this mess out there. HELP!!!
Thanks for listening and that is "What's on my mind”
Help out Brian... he’s too stubborn to
ask himself...