Hi everyone.

As you may know, my name is Zayne and I’m a multiply disabled guy who’s been trying, and failing, for nearly 3 years now to find a job that I’m capable of doing remotely.

Typically, I ask for help on a monthly or bi-monthly basis, but it is easier and recommended On Here to have a continual fundraiser. I will still be updating this on a monthly basis due to monthly needs, but hopefully I can finally find work sooner than later. Though, I’m not going to hold my breath on that.

As I write this in late February, I’ve been having an extraordinarily harder time than usual. While I’ve been able to mostly get by for the first chunk of the year, that is drying up, alongside my pantry (I’d also write “...and my hope!” here, but this is already going to be maudlin). For a number of reasons, I’ve been reticent for asking for help. I’ve had to do this for nearly 36 months straight, and it’s exhausting having to ask for help just to survive. What doesn’t help is seeing people On-Line agree with the sentiment that people like me simply need to “get a job”, especially when we are trying to, but nobody is hiring (just firing more and more people every quarter).

There’s also just plain ol’ seasonal depression being sprinkled on top of my usual major depression, high anxiety, and PTSD! I’m the guy whose life sucks, plus I’ve got Extra Depression! I also would “like” to add in All Of The Material Horrors Going On At An Hourly Basis to that pile, too.

Plus, even before the current deluge of horrors, before not having a job, and before the pandemic that’s made it impossible for me to exist outside of my apartment, I’ve been in “survival mode” more or less since Winter 2013:

After being furloughed in January 2013, and getting sick trying to fix our shitty car that broke down at the same time, my dad was rewarded for getting back to work later that summer with having to swerve to avoid hitting a reckless driver. Doing so caused his truck to roll multiple times, and a heart attack. He wound up surviving that, but not the subsequent horrible healthcare and internal bleeding that led to his death in August 2014 (I don’t wish the sight of seeing your own father crawl to his death on anyone).

Due to a similar situation of no jobs hiring in rural Ohio, and both me and my mom being disabled, we barely subsisted off of a paltry SSA income. I was able to “escape” to college in fall 2015, but at the end of my 3rd year of undergrad, my mom died in June 2018 due to horrible healthcare and aforementioned paltry income.

All of this to more or less say that I have no safety net to fall back upon, and that having to survive existence has been something I’ve had to do for far too long. My parents are both dead, and my remaining relatives are all unsafe either due to previously neglecting my health, my cat’s health, or because they have no actual space in a crowded home. Asking for help has been the only thing keeping me from dying on the street.

Below is the breakdown of what I’ll need to survive in March, with updates when necessary:

Rent: $1175 on the 1st

Electric: $63 on the 9th, due to budget billing.

Internet: $105 on the 20th. Was finally able to reduce (and lock) it from its bloated cost the last year.

Gas: $39 on the 26th.

This has been hell to deal with this month. And as I write this (26th), it’s still hell due to the posted bill being different than what I was told over the phone. My payment plan is done. The bill is actually just $39, and is what I am putting here.

Groceries: $200. I’m out of food and have been living off of coffee the last few days, Pooh is nearly out of litter, I need to get a new set of water filters, delivery from every store is only via Apps that overcharge and lie now, and everything is already just that little bit more expensive than it was the last time I got it.

March’s needs: $1710

Thank you to everyone who has read this far, and has or will help in any way from sharing or even being able to donate. I’ve said it so many times that it might seem like it doesn’t, but it truly means so much to me to get any kind of help at all.

Thank you so much,

Zayne