Help Valerie Heal: Urgent Brain Surgery Needed

My name is Valerie Verstegen and I was diagnosed with stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer November 1, 2018 at the age of 32.

By the time of this diagnosis, the cancer had spread to my bones, brain and I was in acute liver failure. I was given less than a day to live. It was the most heart wrenching pain my husband and family have ever been through. I was told to get my affairs in order and I began writing letters to my kids.

Needless to say - my battle with cancer didn’t end there.

Over the last six years, I have underwent 5 types of chemotherapy, 1 very intense 11 hour brain surgery, 28 brain scans, 50 body scans, countless procedures and so much more. At this point I am STILL doing chemotherapy every 3 weeks, and have JUST received news that my brain tumor has grown back for a second time. I will need to undergo a second brain surgery at Froedert Hospital In Milwaukee in a week.

My husband and I are two of the most independent people. We work so hard to be able to do it all on our own. I have been afforded the opportunity to stay home and teach my children because Derek is THE hardest worker I know. He unexpectedly lost his job earlier this year (and our family’s insurance) due to company downsizing. Even through that valley we were able to find a way to rise up and make it work independently for our family.

However, this brain surgery was very unexpected and two weeks just didn’t give us enough time to “plan” as a family the way we normally would. This makes me worry for my kids, my husband, and our income. I have found it to be more than difficult for me to ask for help during this cancer journey. I am learning how to receive without resistance and unworthiness present.

At this point, we are all physically and mentally SO tired of trying to do it all on our own.

We need help. I need help.

My wish is for my husband Derek to be able to be present with me before and after surgery. I would love to be able to come home from surgery to heal with his support instead of him bearing the emotional and mental burden of racing back and forth to work each day, while worrying about me and our children.

His self employment disallows him to do both.

I am trying to keep that special “spark” alive in my children as they go through yet another round of watching me heal from my “yucky medicines” and surgeries. Nobody wants to go into a life altering surgery feeling the heavy burden of mortgage payments or medical bills on top of caring for the person they love most. I’m working on being better about asking for help, and since this is something that continuously affects my family, I am breaking down and asking now.

My surgeries affect those I love most, which seems to break my heart over and over again. I will need help with cooking, light cleaning, homeschooling for a little while, grocery shopping and much more. This money would allow the four of us to take a small “break” and heal together so we can be stronger than before.

It would allow my kids to continue their art classes and sports. It would help put food on our table and gas in our cars. And overall, just give a little peace of mind during the time of recovery.

If you're reading this, know that writing to ask for this help has taken me days. I’ve cried, gotten angry, felt hopeless and hopeful all at the same time. I am used to being the one who gives, supports, cares for, nurtures, etc. and being on the other side of things is really hard.

When I moved to the Kaukauna/Appleton area 16 years ago, there was just something that I felt drawn to but at the time, couldn’t put into words. I know now that it’s the community full of love and light that I am surrounded by. The families who have endlessly prayed for me, the teachers who have helped me through homeschooling my kids when I was too exhausted to think, the doctors and nurses who have become a second family to me, the friends that have become like sisters to me, and so many more people have just been there. I am grateful beyond measure to have you all in my life. Just know that when I heal and become superwoman again, I’m coming back around to thank you and give back in any way I am able.

I know I was meant to learn from this disease, but I hope I can also teach some of you what it truly means to LIVE. Enjoy every single sunset, every giggle you hear from your children, every shooting star or animal you may see along the way. Don’t be “too busy” to stop and appreciate every little thing you can while you're here.

I love you all.

Love, Valerie

(Derek, Marlee and Lincoln, too)