Dear friends, I am creating this fundraiser because I am incredibly desperate to escape the reality that has been mine and my children's for the past few years. I feel like such an imposter for showing up to our play dates with a smiling and happy face when I've been so miserable inside. My husband is regularly verbally abusive to both Dillon and me. I could always take it and always assumed he'd never turn on his little boy. The plan was to always leave when I had enough money.

When Dillon is called names or harassed and threatened with dad's absence for not listening or for spilling juice or asking too many questions I lose it. Tonight it was for biting his nails and following him around our STUDIO apartment! I completely lost it.

While 7 months pregnant with Stassiya I left to q shelter in San Juan Capistrano because I didn't want either child to grow up in this environment & Dillon being 3 at the time was becoming more and more aware of the abuse. One particular incident led me to leaving the very next day (Steve had kicked the chair Dillon had been sitting in really hard & into the air while they were alone in the kitchen. This really scared him and hurt his feelings - I was both hurt and livid. This incident led to us going to a shelter after my family members refused to shelter us since they think I'm privileged because I'm a stay at home mom. And they think my child should just be vaxd and go to school so I can be a helpful wife. I've literally been told verbatim "At least he's not beating you". We ended up in a shelter for almost 2 months. I only came back because it wasn't possible with an unvaccinated child to get monthly help from the state outside of help with food and I wanted to be somewhat comfortable with a newborn. While at the shelter Dillon and I both shared the chair kicking incident and all the name calling, things thrown at us (though strategically never hitting us) and a lot of other embarrassing mistreatment with the therapists and a CPS case was opened. I had also won a restraining order which I had to forfeit when I moved back here simply due to nowhere else to go. And that hurt like hell. Stassiya was born a month early, less than a week after returning.

I didn't grow up like this. I wasn't poor. I wasn't abused. We regularly went to the Hollywood Bowl. Saw the Nutcracker at Christmas time! I was in either the magnet program or in AP classes. We had sleep overs. I had my own bedroom. Most importantly we felt SAFE and LOVED -- NO one constantly expressing their disappointment in me, yelling or growling at me, calling me names or making me feel unwanted or uncomfortable in my own home. I keep thinking despite all the love and distractions I give to Dillon that his dad is totally damaging his little heart and he'll forever be scarred. I want to get far away fast.

Tonight some very bad things happened. Last weekend bad things happened. And about twice a week bad things happen. But tonight was the very worst. I cannot stand to see my child mistreated and emotionally abused. I am completely without money and a place to go. I am desperate to get to Texas and start over. I have "receipts" as they call them and can prove our time in shelter and our cps case and restraining order. I also have tons of emails between us while in shelter where I accuse him of all that he's done to us and he never denies a thing.

Tonight he was mean to Dillon for the last time and I really didn't trust myself. I almost hurt him and I cannot go to jail over this man.

Please dig deep. I need to have repairs done on my 18 year old van and to get to Texas ASAP. I AM REALLY HOPING TO RAISE $15,000. Please share this with organizations and churches and generous people!

WE ARE WORTHSO MUCH MORE THANTHIS LIFE. I AM A WONDERFUL MOM AND PERSON AND MY CHILDREN DESERVE A GOOD START. I feel so lost in California where I can't even work a regular job without a poisoning myself to even make a little money and get us somewhere else. Plus Dillon isn't vaxd and I have no help with my kids.

Please help me. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed but I'm so desperate!

I can invite you over to see the shambles we live in or send pics. I don't even let family in here. I've lied to you all because I'm horrified at my own reality. Exposing myself as a real victim of abuse and my children as abused makes me feel like a complete and utter failure. This is rock bottom. I knew a nice life before Steve and I've allowed him to completely take us down into hell with him. I am so desperate for peace. I have been for years. I literally was dumb enough to think I could change this man's life. He's spent all my savings. And has us living in a studio apartment. He's either high or completely miserable and angry.

Please please help me. Share too. Some of you can offer me help that you'll never miss. 15,000 to help us get to Texas safely. Find an inexpensive place to live and have food and utilities covered until I get Dillon into school in the fall and can find some work. Please. I don't know if I can literally survive much longer this way.