Help Ashley and Sal Kick Brain Cancer's Ass

When Sal and I met at a pool party after decades of nearly missing each other, we had no idea I already had a tumor growing in my brain. Our flirty friendship turned into a long distance relationship and led to a cross country move to San Francisco so we could finally be together. A move which would probably save my life – though we’ve still got a ways to go!

I say “finally be together” because after we started dating and talking about our lives, it felt like we had just missed each other at every turn for 14 years.

We didn’t meet when we grew up living 15 minutes from one another. We didn’t meet when I played saxophone with his cousin in high school while Sal played the same instrument at a rival school or when that cousin started dating one of my best friends. We didn’t even meet at that friend and cousin’s wedding. No, we met at a pool party in the middle of a pandemic, finally! It may have taken a while, but we found each other. I would say, as the relentless optimist that I am, it all happened at exactly the right time. And Sal thinks so too. We talk about how we each had our own odysseys we needed to go on before we were ready to meet our soulmates.

But in January, after just nine months of dating, we noticed that chronic neck and shoulder pains I’d been having had gotten worse. I also started vomiting and we couldn’t figure out why. On January 23rd, Sal insisted he take me to the ER. I’ll always be grateful he did! By the time we got there, I was starting to have short term memory issues – not remembering where we were or why we were there. They gave me a CAT scan and found what was wrong – a significantly sized tumor in the right side of my brain. Two days later, they performed a ten-hour brain surgery.

After surviving and conquering the removal of my brain tumor, we celebrated. Everyone is amazed at how quickly I am progressing, and I continue to heal so well. I feel like myself and even better! I hadn’t quite realized until now I had been losing some of myself gradually as that tumor grew and grew until it was about the size of a tennis ball before they removed it.

Now it’s like every day I wake up a little more. The apartment I moved into with my sweetheart in August… I know it, and I remember all the morning coffees, working from home together, watching the sunsets out our window, the impromptu dance parties with Sal’s amazing playlists and my killer moves. I remember everything… And yet, it somehow feels like the first time I’ve really been here. It feels like a slightly different reality. Like I’m getting to experience it with new eyes. Or rather, with a better functioning brain! It’s the little things that turn into big things, like falling asleep and waking up next to Sal every day, and every day falling more in love. I’m also processing better, and what used to be hard is easier. The other day, I walked to the drugstore blocks away, the one I’ve been to at least 50 times, and for the first time, I didn’t have to check my phone to remember which way to turn. The brain is a funny thing. And I’m glad I’m getting mine back!

Here’s the twist. We were feeling great, hopeful but cautious because we knew they were still studying my tumor in a lab to determine next steps. In a recent appointment with my neurosurgeon, we learned the challenges we face are far from over.

While they were able to remove nearly all of the tumor, there is still some left in my brain. It’s classified at a grade 3 on a scale of 1-4. That means six weeks of radiation and 12 monthly cycles of chemotherapy are our next steps. For the next year, I will be focused on beating brain cancer.

 

We have the medical bills from the brain surgery and anesthesia (thank god I was unconscious during all that!), bills from the hospital stay, and the upcoming chemotherapy and radiation treatments, which insurance thankfully covers a portion of.

But on top of that, we are put in a position with our backs against the wall with something my insurance doesn’t cover… The chemo I’ll need to go through may impact my fertility and our ability to create the family we’ve both always wanted. This is why I am now currently going through the egg retrieval and freezing process.

From our very first date, whether we wanted children was famously a part of our conversations. We’re both in our early 30s, so it’s been on our minds. We want to create beauty together. We want to raise a family who’s loving and involved, children who will grow up to be kind in a world that can seem selfish and dark at times, who will grow up to be informed and brave and not be afraid to use their voices, who will care about all life. Children who will grow up to create beauty and joy and peace, who will leave the earth better than they found it.

A lot of folks have expressed wanting to help, and contributing to us here is one way you can do that. As I tackle fertility, radiation and chemotherapy treatments, your support would lighten the load on our shoulders and mean the world to us.

The road ahead will be long and tough, but I am strong. And we remain incredibly optimistic and hopeful. As my family and friends call me these days, I am a viking warrior princess!