Help Us Give Mom a Loving Farewell

UPDATE::

As of December 26, 2024 my Precious Mom is now at peace and in no more pain. She gained her Angel Wings at 6pm this evening

I have never done this and never thought I'd find myself in this situation that would need to do this. I don’t even know where to begin. This was so unexpected in more ways than one. We just celebrated my mom's 76th birthday on September 28th. She was happy that day, as we were as well, to be able to celebrate another year around the sun with her. She is the youngest surviving child of 14 siblings. She has not had an easy life as she lost her father at the age of 5, her mom on Thanksgiving morning in 1983, she lost each of her siblings along with a grandchild at 5 months old, we lost my sister at the young age of 37, son-in-law, and countless nieces, nephews, cousins, and other family and friends.

I was under the impression my mom had life insurance, which in fact she did, but it wasn’t what I thought. My mom has lived off disability for many years. She lived with my sister for about 5 years before her untimely death, and then she has been with me for the last 10 years of her life. She thought she had a policy that would cover an entire funeral, but in fact, it will barely cover a cremation. I really wish she would have asked me to help her with the policy before agreeing. She even told me last year I had nothing to worry about with her passing. Well, that could be farthest from the truth now that the time is almost here. And I don’t know what to do. Times have been really tough for me these past few months. Most know my story and the struggle it has been for me. But it is nothing compared to what I now have to face just to be able to give my mom a proper goodbye. I was not prepared for this. And this is why.

Mom was diagnosed with dementia about 5-6 years ago. Up until last month, the only real symptoms she showed were confusion. She would be nauseated a lot and started to lose her appetite and couldn’t keep anything down. She was also very tired, was losing her strength, and couldn’t walk without assistance. This came on suddenly. A week before Thanksgiving, I called the paramedics to come get her and take her to the hospital. They diagnosed her with a severe UTI, and she was retaining large amounts of urine in her bladder. They immediately started treating her and decided to keep her for observation. I’m thinking, okay, a couple of days, a week. One thing turned into something else. I then learned that she has cirrhosis of the liver, and my mom wasn’t even a drinker. I learned that it could have been from many other health factors. Now the real surprise was she was diagnosed back in 2015! Almost 10 years and has gone untreated or any prevention for further damage. I was told that her primary care doctor for the last 20 years was not aware of this diagnosis. How he missed it is beyond me. But I will be looking further into it, that’s a promise. While in the hospital, she has developed pneumonia, fluid in her stomach, and around her lungs from spontaneous bacterial peritonitis (SBP), which has a high fatality rate, especially at her age and stage of the disease itself. Today, on Christmas, I had to make the most difficult decision in my life. And that is to try and make her as comfortable as possible for her remaining time with us per her wishes and the fact I can’t just visit and watch her suffer any longer. She is on oxygen now and only breathing 38% on her own and getting worse. She is fighting hard to breathe, but I wouldn’t expect anything less as she has always been one hell of a fighter. Friday, I have decided to remove the feeding tube, oxygen, and stop all further attempts to prolong the inevitable. I’m waiting till Friday for one last chance at a miracle that the blood thinners will reduce the clot in her lungs and another round of antibiotics will reverse the SBP. The doctor is not hopeful, and I will not put her through any more trauma or pain than needs to be. It’s time I made the unspeakable decision and let her go in peace, surrounded by her closest family.

I have never asked for this much help before. I’ve always been too stubborn and independent, the 'I got this' type of woman, and I’ll figure it out because I always did, I always had time. I was always the strong one that took care of everyone; I didn’t need anyone. But I no longer have time, and I can’t figure this out. I have been there for countless people, I have gone without, and given my last dollar to people I know needed my help, and now I have to turn to you guys for help, and if it wasn’t my mom, I wouldn’t be asking.

I'm not sure how long she has, but it could be hours or days. She is the sweetest, most caring, unselfish woman I’ve ever met, and I want nothing more than to be able to give her what I know she wanted. I know times are tough for everyone, and it’s absolutely the worst time to ask for help. And if you know me, then you know this was my last option, and I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t need it. For the last two months, I have been doing this on my own, and I can no longer. So please, anything you can will help, and if you can’t help, which I understand, please share. Maybe a stranger or a friend of a friend will be able to help.

My family and I appreciate anything. Thank you, everyone.