Help Torre on her path to becoming a Mama

Hello!

The quick version is, I'm raising funds for my fertility expenses. I'm a queer artist, Jill of all trades, and hard worker with a really big heart. I have known I want to be a mama for a long time now. I had a glimpse of parenthood with my pregnancy and resulting loss in 2022, and know it's a path I need to follow.

My next step forward is IVF with donated embryos, which will cost about $20,000. (You can read more about the full journey and the process and costs of embryo donation below.)

I need help raising funds for this process. There has been a massive amount of debt accrued on my journey thus far for 9 IUIs, purchased donor sperm, and 2 IVF egg retrieval rounds. I just can't swing this next financial hurdle on my own, y'all. Please donate anything you are able to, and, whether or not you're able to financially support, please share on social media, in your group texts and by carrier pigeon. Gratitude is a powerful, sometimes overwhelming feeling for me. So, in advance, thank you for any help you can offer.

As a queer person, the idea of starting a family had me feeling I needed to have all my ducks in a row, but with age and experience, I know that ducks in a row are a very rare thing. I can’t wait for everything to be perfect. I am lucky to live in a beautiful home situated as neighbors in the arms of my chosen family. I have so much love and support in my life. I am beyond ready to start this chapter of my life and pass on the love and support to the next generation. So, I'm looking to raise quite a large sum and asking for this kind of help feels really scary. I feel very exposed and vulnerable, but therein is where I might find growth and strength.

My Fertility Journey:

There are loads of generous people out there who may be strangers to me but are no stranger to the frustrating, financially draining, emotional roller coaster of infertility.

I've been on a fertility journey for a couple of years now. First, I used purchased donor sperm for IUI procedures and was lucky enough to become pregnant on the fourth try. Being pregnant those 15 weeks were, hands down, the best weeks of my life.

Devastatingly, that pregnancy was not viable due to a fetal diagnosis of Trisomy 18 (which is not compatible with life). Having to choose to end my very wanted, planned, pregnancy for medical reasons was traumatic and life-altering. The grief was immense.

This links to an Autostraddle article that came out right after Roe vs Wade was overturned. I was included in the interview as a person who needed an abortion of a wanted pregnancy. It speaks to my personal experience of needing to make that choice.

https://www.autostraddle.com/choosing-abortion-trisomy-18-trisomy-13/

After a few months, I started trying again. Five IUIs later, my amazing doctor, Oshin, and I decided to switch gears and try IVF. That was at the beginning of 2023. Sadly, throughout that process, I learned that every single one of my embryos were genetically unviable. This was a second, deep wave of grief. A month or so later, we found out that Oshin's embryos were also not genetically viable. I was not prepared for that result as I had pinned so much hope on its outcome.

If I had all the money in the world, I could try IVF, attempting to use my eggs again, but I don't, and the chances of success using my own eggs are very slim. I do know all about other options for parenting, but I've been pregnant and know I need to experience it again, without the loss.

My doctor told me about embryo donation, something I'd never heard of before. Embryos are donated by others that have successfully built their own family through IVF and have leftover embryos. It is like an adoption of sorts. I would get matched with donors and all parties would have to agree that it's a good fit, including the level of involvement with the donor family, and their existing kids. This option really resonated with me. I would bypass using my "geriatric" eggs and go straight to the implantation procedure. If successful, I would get to fulfill my dream of pregnancy, birth and parenthood.

Embryo donation comes at a cost. Getting matched, logistics, shipping, lawyers, documentation, etc, all add up. Once matched, I'd need funds for all of the fertility meds, doctor visits, medical scans/labs and the implantation procedure itself. The agency I'd be using is called Embryo Connections. Their estimated cost is between $9,000 and- $11,000. That sometimes varies due to shipping costs and lawyer fees.

The implantation process would happen through OHSU and could run up to an additional $10,000, depending on if the first try is successful or not. That includes the meds, scans and visits.

Thank you for reading my story and for any help you can spare.

Love Torre