When Insurance Companies put a price tag on your life

*trigger alert, kindness requested*

If you had told me a mere 4 years ago that what I am about to tell you, and ask you for, would have become my life - I never in my wildest dreams would have believed you. Never in a million years could my biggest nightmare have come true, however, the terrifying fear that has been lurking in the depths of my soul is the devastating reality of my life at this time. It seems nearly impossible knowing that I spread awareness, light and love around this very subject.

The Erin that you know, like, care about, love is in need of help. Help to save her life. I know you might be wondering why I am talking about her in the third person, that is because the stark reality is that I have been (and still am) extremely suicidal since November 13, 2023 fighting for my life, fighting for the will to live, fighting for my children to have the mother they once had back.

This may be shocking to read, but if you take a second or two to think, when was the last time you saw one of my posts, when was the last time you spoke to me, when was the last time you thought of me even? This is how it happens, the person who seems so positive, inspirational, such a light in the world - she can no longer find her own light.

The not so glamorous road I have been traveling this past year began with the constant haunting flashbacks and nightmares hallmark signs of the disease complex post traumatic stress disorder which developed for me at a very young age during childhood and continued into teens and adulthood. Sleep became more terrifying than anything I could have encountered or endured awake. Medical problems began to take over my life as I went from specialist to specialist. Countless doctor visits, numerous ER visits resulting in being admitted to multiple hospitals, spinal surgery required (as soon as I am able) all contributed to my current position - unable to work due to medical and mental health conditions. I have been on medical leave since November 13, 2023 with no return date in sight of the medical professionals treatment team. This is the last time I received a paycheck and short-term disability has been nothing short of one issue after another.

On January 8, 2024 I flew across the country so that I could be admitted to one of the two female-only trauma treatment centers. Finding these programs was no easy feat, especially in the throes of mental anguish, despair and physical pain (condition spinal surgery). Upon arrival to the treatment center, I felt a sense of peace and a tiny bit of hope, that finally I would be able to receive the treatment I desperately needed and heal. Over the course of the last few weeks, I have been immersed in over 45 hours a week of therapeutic intervention. For the last 2 weeks I have been acutely aware that my treatment team (who has provided 24/7 around the clock care) has been advocating and fighting with my health insurance company who does not want to provide coverage for even a mere 30 days. I have been hoping and praying that the insurance company would take into consideration the professional recommendations of my doctor, therapist and center.

Yesterday morning I was informed that the peer-peer review was denied retroactively to 1/31/24 after requesting more information on 1/31/24. This news became available to me while I was still on active suicide watch (this means my treatment team is required to ensure I am safe every 15 minutes, 24 hours a day). This decision means I owe to the facility not only my mental health insurance deductible of $10,000, but also retroactive cash pay daily rate of $2,500/day) - this means as of this moment, without any further treatment owe $22,500. I am now faced with a very harsh reality: I am unable to financially afford to save my life; unable to save my children’s mother’s life by receiving the necessary treatment to heal from the traumas that have destroyed my heart and soul over the last 40 years. My team has recommended 2-3 weeks more of treatment before discharge to a lower level of care for another approximate time of 4-8 weeks which could be completed at home while with my children. I would like to be clear that this treatment is exactly what I need in order to heal, it has given me hope and reassurance that I am not alone, in addition to the trust in my team and other clients that I have developed which is so critical to success. I would be taking steps backwards if I were to leave at this current time.

I never thought I would be here right now asking for help, but I have no choice if I want to receive the treatment required. If you can find it in your heart and soul; please help me save my life, please help me make sure my children have a healthy, happy mother once again.

Even the brightest lights in the world can become so dark they cannot find their own light.