Help This Family Through a Challenging Time

Hello,

As most of you know, I am due with my second child. Although this baby was conceived during a marriage, that marriage quickly resulted in a separation and soon-to-be divorce for reasons of necessity. During said marriage, it was planned with my husband to have a Doula for maternal support and a homebirth for what we both envisioned. In lieu of a baby shower/sprinkle or gifts, I had two big wishes for assistance: a meal-train postpartum and assistance with my portion of my Midwifery homebirth financial obligation. Through great community resources and friends, we have been able to secure a meal-train to help with rest, recovery, and nutrition for my little family and will be able to focus on sustainable milk production through low-stress.

A little back story for those who do not know, five days after making the decision to separate from my husband in September and a hospitalization, I went back to working full-time at my daughter's previous school, as well as had to change her school. For one month, we stayed with friends, as my husband attempted to keep us off his property and withheld mine and my daughter's belongings until I found a place I could afford to sign a lease. From September through mid-December, I held on as long as I could working at the school, fighting sicknesses, starvation through pregnancy, and barely making financial ends meet. I needed to make the switch to a career that I have been working towards for years, which provides growth, stability, substantial income, and most importantly benefits for my growing family. The latter end of December, I chose to go back to an Emergency Medical Technician position at four months pregnant and am still gratefully employed. With the job change, I had to change my daughter's school again, this time to a public setting, against my heart's desire - as I've worked so hard since she was 18 months old to keep her in a Montessori setting and invest in her future. My husband tried to get me to not take this position; from what I later understood, he wanted me to stay down, be weak, and vulnerable. I worked this active duty position above and beyond my potential until I was put on light duty March 20th, after dehydration, exhaustion, and my 5th go-around with the flu since September.

Throughout this pregnancy, there was extremely high stress and pressure, there was a Placenta Previa scare, and potential dissatisfactory blood work; both of the medical issues have resolved themselves. From the beginning, I have worked with the care of the team of medical professionals at my OBGYN office. Initially, I felt the need to take my dream of another out-of-hospital birth off the table as I felt selfish or that I was making the incorrect medical decision - coerced by my husband, what I now understand is his financial personal issues after, yet another, arrest on January 7th, during this pregnancy, during our separation, and immediately after earlier that morning of January 7th having to request assistance from law enforcement to help with the safety and well-being of my daughter and myself being escorted off of his property due to aggression, once again.

I decided that I was not selfish. I am not going against any medical advice and I am driven to have the dream of what was discussed upon the conception of this child and to continue the path I started with my first out-of-hospital birth. Upon research and who had availability, I was able to find an amazing Midwife team at Ten-Moons Midwifery. These two women have connected with me, supported me, and worked closely and diligently with me in tandem care with my OBGYN medical team and all parties have concluded that a home-birth is safe and welcomed with this pregnancy. Since the beginning of this pregnancy, I had not felt the heavy weight of trying to decide between a hospital birth due to the corner my husband was trying to put me in and the comfort of my home-birth with my daughter, lifted, until I made the decision to have him at our home.

I have made one payment myself thus far, there will be another payment made to the midwives once my insurance reimburses me for my covered Doula care and my husband will also be liable for his medical expense portion.

I feel very strongly about giving my son a beautiful, relaxing, stress-free entrance with me, his sister, and our birth team, especially with this out-of-the-gate broken family dynamic that will immediately begin following his arrival. To have help with my portion of this bill will not only give me peace of mind to make sure my wonderful midwives who have so graciously donated their time and dedication to us are paid in a timely manner, but it will also relieve added pressure and added anxiety as I recover, we bond, and I try to make ends meet financially while on short-term disability (maternity leave) that will only be 60% of my income for 6 weeks.

During this separation and traumatic life experience, I have put one foot in front of the other with the biggest smile on my face as I have my daughter looking up to me, and soon to also be my son. These children need to witness that it is okay to try, and fail, and fall, but it is never okay to stay down. Most importantly, it IS OKAY to ask for help from your village when you need it, and never listen to people who tell you no one will support you. I listened to that for a year too long and it cannot be further from the truth. Not only do I have an army of people who support me - I have the drive and willpower to accomplish and provide for myself within my capabilities and resources. With that being said, this is me asking for help from my village. Any small amount of contribution that can be made to take care of the women who are taking care of us will be the greatest weight off of my shoulders, while simultaneously continuing to help with the survival of my little family while I continue to provide on my own as well as continue lawyer fees for the foreseeable future.

I wholeheartedly appreciate your time, consideration, and kindness during what is supposed to be a magical transformation, stress-free, and bonding 4th trimester for baby, sister, and myself. Now just to wait for this little boy to decide to join us.