Hi friends,

Most of you know that for the past several years, I was holding my family together through a devastating medical crisis, while trying to keep my head above water and at the same time cherish a beautiful loving relationship with my partner.

After my mother suffered severe complications during a lung transplant, she was left bedridden with stroke-related brain damage. Overnight, everything changed. I became the emotional and financial anchor for my family, while continuing to support myself and maintain my life in New York.

I was carrying two households on a modest income, doing everything I could to make sure my parents were safe, cared for, and not alone. I gave everything I had; financially, emotionally, and mentally, and desperately tried to ‘hold everything together’ in my own life, at work, with my partner.

And then, as the worst possible scenario started unfolding, during the darkest period of my life, the person I trusted most; my long-term partner suddenly left. Without warning, without proper closure, without explanation, without a soft place to land. I was left to carry everything alone overnight exactly as I started collapsing completely. The person who used to be my safe place, my anchor, suddenly walked away and became cold, and started treating me like a stranger who did something unforgivable, and eventually erased me completely and started treating me like I never existed. That loss, on top of years of caregiving and chronic stress, broke something in me. Losing the safety of the home we created together over the years that had always been our loving sanctuary caused my world to undergo a seismic shift that leveled every structure I had, everything I trusted, leaned on and believed to be true. The ground I stood on; my partner, my family, my home; all turned to liquid at once. I am not 'sad'; I am geographically lost. I am a ghost inhabiting a body that is still somehow breathing in the ruins.

I am now struggling with complex PTSD, trying to process the shock of being abandoned at my most vulnerable. I feel like the person I used to be; the strong, funny, resilient, loving, trusting woman is gone. My sense of self has been deeply shaken, and I am living in a reality that no longer feels familiar or makes sense. This experience has left me in a state of profound disorientation and emotional pain; something the human mind is not meant to carry alone. I have been trying to rebuild myself from the ground up, but doing so without the right support has been incredibly difficult.

For months, I searched for answers, trying to understand what made me deserve being abandoned and erased during the most difficult time of my life; one that I know many people would not survive on their own. The impact of that loss has shown up in overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks, and a deep loss of sense of safety in the world.

I am beginning to understand that this kind of trauma being abandoned during a period of extreme vulnerability breaks your brain, and profoundly affects the nervous system, making it nearly impossible to feel safe or stable without professional support.

I am asking for help because I cannot afford the specialized trauma therapy that could truly help me heal. Insurance only covers the basics, but the depth of what I am going through requires support far beyond those limits.

Any support will go toward trauma-informed therapy, mental health care, and creating a small sense of stability so I can begin to recover. If you are aware of any clinical trials for innovative therapeutic programs in the U.S., I would be deeply grateful for any information or resources you can share.