Help Support Zac and Andrea's Dream to Start a Family

My husband Zac and I have made this GoFundMe in an effort to explain our story and ask for help in working towards having a child together. The first two paragraphs will give you an outline of what has happened and what we are hoping for. Following that, if you wish, you can read our full story in more detail. Thank you, whoever reads this, for your time.

Zac and I have been struggling with fertility for years. I was originally going to put this GoFundMe out there for my birthday but held off in case this last IUI worked. It was our fourth attempt at IUI, a procedure that is less costly and less invasive than IVF. We have asked for help before and a few people donated, which we are grateful for. Unfortunately, we must ask again for IVF. IVF is a more invasive and extensive procedure, which is more costly, but has a much higher success rate. I know most people would say it's not worth it or to give up. In all honesty I didn't think in an economy where we can already barely afford things, we would be giving up date nights, plane tickets to see family, telling friends we can't go places with them and not being able to buy birthday or Christmas gifts for each other, all to set aside money for fertility. I know some people would look at that and think we should be grateful that we can even do that, but please put yourself in our shoes for a moment. We're not in our 20s anymore. We've been married for 7 years; my husband has a stable job, and we are constantly asked when we're having kids and told how we would be great parents. Little do people realize that we've already been trying for those 7 years to have a child and have had no success. It's not easy going through tests and finding them all coming back normal, being told that's a good thing, just to be told on top of that to try IVF right off the bat. It's not struggling with fertility that's the hardest part of this, it's the constant sacrifices we make to our daily lives in order to afford the cost to even try. Most people have a fun carefree night and get pregnant. It didn't cost them anything, stress them out, or cause days, if not weeks, of physical pain. We have had to have regular medical appointments, pay thousands, go through procedures that cause me constant and intense pain, and if it doesn't work, simply get told to try again. I'm not saying this for sympathy or pity, I simply want people to understand the full scope of what goes through our heads and the pain that comes with it.

Currently we have gone through 4 IUI treatments and all have failed. Before people say we should give up, I want you to know that IUIs have a less success rate than that of IVF. IUIs are just cheaper and more ideal if your body seems to be capable of getting pregnant and just needs a little extra help. Since we've had no luck and the doctor is also worried about my menstrual cycle being far more painful than most, I will be having a laparoscopy done to look more into what could be the problem. That will be yet another invasive procedure involving an incision in my stomach and potential removal of scar tissue inside my body. After the surgery we will be continuing forward with IVF, but the cost of IVF if much higher and not achievable for us to do on our own in a timely manner. We are, of course, going to continue to save money and try, but if anyone can donate anything, it would greatly help us. Even the slightest amount gets us one step closer.

If you are interested in hearing our full story, I will share that. You don't have to read on if you don't want to.

Zac and I got married 7 years ago and we were together for 2 years before. I told Zac from the beginning that I didn’t know if I could have children. I have tried before with a previous marriage, with no success. However, my ex-husband was able to have a child easily without me, with his new partner. I also told him of my painful cycles. I wanted to be completely honest with him because I know it can add stress to a relationship if the other person cannot deal with it. Despite the struggles, Zac never let my health negatively affect our relationship. We knew we wanted kids, but it felt more like a pipe dream because we knew we would need a doctor. At the time, Zac and I were working anywhere from 1 to 2 jobs and always had roommates. Zac eventually joined the Air Force and we got married before he joined. Our first duty station was in Anchorage, Alaska. Getting up there and settling down was not cheap, but with the friends and memories we made up there, every bit of it was worth it. Eventually, we were ready to see a doctor. I had informed the doctor that previous doctors had suspected me of having endometriosis, a disease that causes scar tissue buildup on the outside of the ovaries and uterus, along with a slew of other problems, and that it could be interfering with me getting pregnant. The doctor at JBER Base told me they could either try to get my pregnant or treat my endo, not both, and proceeded to tell me that if I got pregnant, it would magically cure my endo anyway. I will not lengthen the story by ranting about how completely ignorant that statement is. If you do any research into endo, you will find out quickly THAT IS NOT HOW THAT WORKS! Anyway, we started down the long journey of tests. All the results kept coming back clear. The last test was to see if my tubes were open. That procedure was done off base and was extremely painful. Zac was there with me the entire time holding my hand, even when the doctors told him he did not need to be there. That test also came back clear and it was at that point that I broke down crying because nothing seemed to be wrong, yet we still were not able to get pregnant naturally. The technician that performed the procedure was asking why I was upset and when I explained, she immediately told us that the military had some sort of lottery for paying IVF in Washington State. The military does not pay for fertility, however. Tricare only covers diagnostics, not actual procedures, nor medications. At that point, we were at a loss of what to do and stepped back from it for a while since Alaska also did not have fertility clinic, with the closest being in the lower 48. About a year after that, we got orders and were supposed to PCS to Eielson AFB, 6 hours north and still in Alaska. We were going to go, but changed our minds and decided to deny the orders when we realized we still would not be able to continue with fertility. Our new orders sent us to Arizona and gave us options for fertility. We learned the hard way that the first option was not the greatest. The second doctor, during the first appointment, ridiculed me for not having a laparoscopy done when I was younger. When I explained to him that I had no insurance, no money and could not even afford to miss a day of work, he did not care, blamed me for circumstances that I could not control and continued to say that I could still get one done anyway. That doctor wanted all new tests done, which I understood, including the procedure to see if my tubes were open. When I expressed my concerns about how painful that was, he then went off about how it shouldn't have been, how it was clearly not done by professionals and how when he does it, I won't feel a thing. Thankfully he didn't and it was done by another female doctor in the office. Unfortunately, Zac was not allowed in. The procedure was more painful the second time, when being done by “professionals”. A stranger was holding my hand while I was crying from the pain. The doctor was not happy that I insisted my on husband being there for all the other appointments, saying things like “Don’t you trust me”, which I did not. Once again, all the tests came back clear and when we asked about doing the laparoscopy before the treatments, he said it was not necessary (because he made a judgement call before doing the tests). For us, that was the last straw and we looked for a new clinic.

Our third doctor has been amazing. He has had no concerns with Zac being there or other close friends when Zac couldn't make it for one of my appointments, was always making sure we could afford costs before diving into anything and listened to me about my pain, being the first doctor to acknowledge it. We re-did the test again, except for the tubes because with that test being done twice and both times being clear and painful, he said it was not needed. Everything came back clear again, and he suggested IUI since everything looked good and it would be much more affordable. Unfortunately, when we were about to do the first IUI, a polyp formed in my tube and I needed surgery to get that out. With the surgery, my doctor discovered that my cervix is curvy when it is supposed to be straight. It took 2 weeks to recover from the pain. After that, we continued down the long road with 3 failed IUIs. When I came in before doing the 4th one, I was in pain due to coming in a day earlier and it being the second day being on my period. He noticed the level of pain I was in and with it being the 4th IUI, he was concerned about doing anything else without investigating more. We agreed to proceed with the 4th IUI, but after that, if failed again (which it has), I should have a laparoscopy done. He recommended a surgeon, which luckily does accept our insurance. They already set up an appointment for me and told me surgery would likely be in August or September. All we needed to do was get a referral. We recently talked to my newest PCM. The military is horrible about swapping out doctors and honestly, this is my 5th or 6th new doctor within the 2 years that I’ve been at this base. I will not waste my energy ranting about this new doctor, but after much arguing back and forth, he will write the referral and, with any luck, I don't ever have to see this new doctor. For now, this is where we are at.

If you have read all this and are tempted to say maybe it's not meant to be, then you missed the point of this story. It's true we sacrificed financial joy; I have gone through immense pain, and I will go through more. If you still don't understand, then please look at your children. How different would your life have been? To what lengths would you have gone to have them? Children have a huge impact on your life and even change how you view the world, how you celebrate holidays; sharing your life stories with them, passing down traditions, and maybe one day continuing with your grandchildren. Children are hard and test your patience, but those moments where you held them and never wanted to let go... are they not worth it?