Help single mom of 3 after traumatic pregnancy loss

I have struggled with how to write this because I am in a time of profound sadness. Recently, I went to the emergency room because I was having bleeding and cramping in my second trimester. I was sent home from the hospital because they did not have any OB there, nor would any on the on-call list answer. They called me back six hours later to come to the hospital, and by that time, it was too late. My uterus had ruptured, and I was bleeding and hemorrhaging at a life-threatening rate. The ER doctor still played around with my cervix and kept trying to tilt it by sticking gauze in and pulling the gauze back out. Until another doctor (the official OB) walked in and made everyone leave the room and proceeded to spend another hour telling me he was pro-life but that the only choices I had were a D&C surgery. He said that I was bleeding too much to try anything to deliver her. He told me the medication would be counteractive and make me bleed more. But that his dilemma was that he is pro-life, and the baby was still alive and by all accounts healthy. I begged him and asked him if there was anything we could do. He told me I had no other choice but to do surgery or I was going to die. I signed the consent forms, and the doctor then walked out of the room and refused to do the surgery because my baby was still alive, and it went against his ethical beliefs.

I begged them over and over if there was anything we could do to save her. She had a heartbeat of 170, she was moving and jumping around. And I felt that I must not be bleeding at that much of a life-threatening rate if the doctor was allowed to refuse the surgery. I trusted that surely they wouldn’t be letting me die, so I just kept asking if they were sure there’s nothing they could do. But they told me there was nothing they could do to stop anything that was happening. I asked if there was anything we could do to deliver her then, if I could hold her if there was an umbilical cord. All to which I was answered no. I was told no, there was no way to deliver her. I was told no, she would be too tiny to hold, and I was told no, if there was an umbilical cord, it would just be so tiny.

I was defeated and scared that I was going to die because of the amount of blood I was losing, and by the time the doctor found another doctor to do my surgery, I guess it was just too late because she didn’t even discuss any options with me. She just said she had to rush me back to surgery ASAP because I was losing too much blood. I asked for the final time if there was anything we could do to save us both or to deliver her because, again, she was still alive. And again, I was told that they were sorry there was nothing they could do. And then I woke up. I woke up and left the hospital 45 minutes later. No doctor to explain anything.

Four days later, I go to my OB only to find out that these doctors had done the wrong procedure because of how far along I already was. I was in my second trimester at 14 weeks. They should have done a D&E due to the size of my baby, but since they did the wrong procedure, it resulted in parts of the baby being left behind inside of me, and I had to have another surgery immediately in order to avoid infection and to get the rest out. I have not been able to work since the first surgery, and now that I had a second surgery, unfortunately, I would have to reapply for my position.

Bills are due on the first, and I don’t have anything.

I’m a big girl and usually can handle hard stuff. I’ve always told myself that being sad is no excuse, but for some reason, this is hurting me so badly I can’t explain it. I can’t stop crying. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I just keep thinking about her being alive when it happened and feeling guilty like I could have done something different.

I have suffered with loss before but nothing like this, not my own baby. As of now, I don’t know how I’m going to see myself through this. I just know that I will have to.

I am begging for the community to help me take care of the essentials (rent, utilities, electric, food, and basic needs) that are coming up due on the 1st.

I don’t think I could allow myself to ask for any more.

I have three other children who need me to get better, and we thank anyone who graciously helps.

My story with more details is on my TikTok @shortykins22, but trigger warning, it is hard to hear.

Currently, I am trying to work on getting a lawyer, but it’s not as clear-cut as it seems apparently.

I have only asked for this amount because GoFundMe has prompted me to put this minimum amount for the type of fundraiser I created. I originally only needed 3200 to get through for the month.

I don’t have the official bill from the hospital yet, so I have not asked for anything towards that until I do. If you find it in your heart to donate, I will be forever grateful. If you find it in your hearts to pray for me, I will be forever grateful.

At this time, I’m not entirely sure what the future holds for us with the medical bill and the monthly bills. But I’m taking it one day at a time and appreciate and love each and every one of you that have helped.