Desperate Trans Boy In Need Of Help

Hello. I am Roman. A 27 year old (almost 28) FtM transgender, who is struggling to be able to afford the basic things needed for my transition. I am currently unable to work due to my current life situation as well as other medical/health issues, (severe anxiety, severe ADHD, PTSD from my life thusfar, immune issues, etc. {{there are more I’ve chosen not to list}}). I was also denied disability multiple times when I applied for it, though I am fighting that decision already, however there is no guarantee that I will ever get it. This has left me with no current means of income. I manage to get by and keep my pets fed simply because I am living in my parents house, even though this living environment is highly unhealthy for me. My dysphoria has also been getting much worse by the week, as have my panic and anxiety attacks due to me feeling so uncomfortable in my physical body and the way others view me because of it. My hatred of my voice, and also myself because of it has also been slowly but steadily increasing, which is a terrible thing to me, since I never in my life thought I would ever be able to begin hating myself, however it is starting to become that way. I am even beginning to see more of why so many transgender people who are unable to make their transition end up committing suicide because they end up being so miserable they can’t see the point in living anymore.

I cannot afford new clothes, even though I have literally about 5 shirts and like 2 pairs of pants that I am comfortable wearing. I live on a budget of about $30-50 a MONTH, to cover the cost of food for my pets and whatever necessities I need, and even that amount is unstable and unreliable, and at times I have to make that last for 2 or 3 months instead of one. I have a bridge card, however what I can afford to buy as far as food is limited, even with that, and I mostly live off of leftovers and scraps from my family, other than the times I’m actually able to get proper food, such as ordering pizza since pizza will actually last me several days or a week. My parents idea of enough food for me for the entire day is three small bites of food, while they have entire meals and platefuls of food, and if left up to them alone that would be about how much I'd have daily.. I've not been allowed to learn how to drive, and still they are resistent to letting me learn, so I have no means of transportation either, apart from the places I am able to walk to.

Currently I am attempting to save up for for top surgery, since I very recently have started hormones, and starting to save at least a little for that as well since that can get to be extremely expensive, and for someone who is stuck in the situation I am, that is an almost impossible thing to save up for without help from others. Costs for top surgery can run anywhere from $5,000 to $10,000 or more, depending, plus the cost of hospital bills and aftercare and medical expenses and everything else. It is also to help me to get out of my parents house, since I am stuck here for the same reasons as being unable to get a job, and the emotional (and physical) environment here is extremely abusive and toxic, and has been slowly causing my physical health to decline as well. I have been hit before (across the face and other places), on several occasions, as well as insulted and abused verbally on a daily basis. I also often only eat once a day because of my family situation, and due to the amount of stress I am under causing me to be unable to keep food down a lot of the time. My family is also unsupporting of my being transgender on top of the already unhealthy environment here, and choose to try to undermine it and fight against it as much as possible. However I have nowhere else to go, so I am dealing with it as best I can.



(Note: These photos are somewhat older however this shows the worst it has gotten here physically before, though currently it has gotten to be less as my mother has figured out that she can get in trouble for it and that I am willing to expose her if she continues, though it still happens from time to time. It has gotten much worse however, verbally and emotionally in place of that.)

I usually prefer to do things myself, as I have always tried to be very independent and self reliant so as not to bother others or be a burden, however some things I simply cannot do on my own. So this is why I am asking you all please, to help me with this, as I would like to avoid any further emotional damage to myself over this. Those of you who do choose to help, even $1 is a miracle to me, and know that to each and every one of you who give anything, I can never thank you enough and I will be forever grateful to you. You are making my dream come true, and saving me from all the emotional pain and stress, and quite possibly even saving my life.

And for those of you who find donating by those means difficult, I also have a paypal account for donations as well that you are more than welcome to use instead, simply ask for the email address.