Updating, 10/22

THANK YOU to everyone who has been able to contribute toward our medical needs! Equally, I'm deeply grateful to those who've sent healing thoughts and support for SeeBee & Mannie. I decided to lower my goal amount in order to focus on the cancer follow up (ultrasound) for SeeBee. We're at over 50% reached. The aggressive antibiotics Mannie received allowed the dental abscess to heal; I'm holding faith that his dental needs will hold off until I am back on my feet. I am praying that I can schedule her scan before the end of October. She is overdue for her scan by 6 months after her partial mastectomy due to a very aggressive type of breast cancer. More than anything I want to make sure that I'm giving her the best care I possibly can... her quality of life means the very most to me. I need to know the current cancer status in order to make that possible.

This last year has felt like never-ending 'darkness' most days. It began the first of October with SeeBee's diagnosis of an extremely aggressive breast cancer. My prayers were answered when her post-surgery ultra-sound came back with no obvious signs of it spreading. However, she would need a scan every three months for early detection of any spread. Her last ultrasound was in January; the last one I could afford.

In January of this year, my life changed. Dad broke his hip. For twelve years I have been his guardian and Home Care Worker. After a decade on the streets, and seven years searching, I found him. Without a moment's hesitation I moved him from California to Oregon, to my home. He was immediately diagnosed with dementia; meaning I would need to be home with him OR place him in a home. Two months later I learned that through the county and Medicaid I could become his Home Care Giver. That became my primary income and source of medical benefits. I am forever grateful. And I had all that time with my dad. For the first time in my life, we became 'father & son,' but also friends, companions, comrades, confidants, even housemates. I never saw this coming. He had never even fallen, and his dementia was simply like having a mischievous 9-year-old around the house. It never got worse.

I knew when I saw him post-surgery, a part of him was missing. He never recovered. I know he wanted to. It was just like what we all fear when you hear, "a broken hip." Dad passed away just four months later. To say I miss him doesn't come close to how I feel.

The first of January I became unemployed. It took two months and a senator's office to get unemployment benefits. Then in April I suffered a heart attack. My father's death was 30 days later. At that time my unemployment never crossed my mind, so I missed just 1 week's entry. Benefits stopped with no letter, no email, no explanation anywhere. Another 2 months passed, while making countless attempts and hours trying to reach OED, the same senator stepped in again. He was successful after 3 calls requesting assistance. But ALL of the effort was worth it, and the outcome desperately needed! Those 26 weeks of benefits ended August 18th.

Before I write about Mannie, I need to acknowledge that there has been 'light' and there have been miracles. There has been hope because of FAITH. There has been help because of LOVE. I have a grandmother who believes strongly in both. I would not have my house at this point if it was not for my grandmother. I am incredible grateful and immensely blessed that at 95 years old I still have her in my life! I've also had endless support and encouragement from both family & friends. And I have a kind and loving partner that, even from his home is London, lifts my spirits, makes me smile, and gently reminds me every single day that things WILL get better.

Throughout this year there have been so many other challenges that 'blind-sided' me physically, emotionally, and financially. I often find myself with no other words or even thoughts than, "Why?" I've found that to be a question that will never have an answer. So, I just put one foot in front of the other, stumble, get up, and repeat. And now I'm learning how to ask for help.

Mannie was just 3 months and 3 pounds when SeeBee literally 'picked him out' from the other puppies at the Humane Society taken from an animal hoarder in California. His name had already been decided, Mannie, after my late husband Steven Mann. He had just passed 3 days earlier and SeeBee would not eat or drink; she just laid in the threshold to our bedroom. I prayed that a companion would bring her back. The two of them slept cuddled up together the very first night.

This past weekend Mannie developed some swelling under his eye. Within 24 hours it had become a large abscess which then ruptured from the outside. We immediately went to the vet. He needs oral surgery and extractions as soon as possible.

It was that day, when I could not pay the bill and pick him up... Not having enough to pay for the medicine... I decided to do the next 'right thing'...

Ask for help.

If you've come this far you've already given me, given US, the gift of your time. Prayers and thoughts always have deep value. It is not easy to be vulnerable, to share personal struggles, to expose one's emotions. For me, it is equally difficult to look at myself in the mirror and simply say, You have given so much from your heart to others; now allow others to give (even if it's just love) you their gifts from their hearts. That is unconditional.

Regardless of the amount, if you are able to contribute toward the cost of medical treatment both SeeBee & Mannie need, it would make an invaluable difference in every possible way! ANY contribution is a huge step towards getting my pups safe & healthy again while I get back on my feet. And from the bottom of my heart I say thank you! In the future, when you need a crafty guy or 'jack of all trades' for your own projects, call me. I'll never stop helping others, never. The joy I feel when I help someone, it's that look on someone's face, the excitement, that happiness that I want to help give back to others.

Thank you in advance if you are able to contribute (and for reading our story). And please feel free to share this Go Fund Me if you would like. Words will never really express OUR abundant gratitude.

SeeBee, Mannie, and Gary