At 20-years old I was diagnosed with "Premature Ovarian Failure", meaning that my body was no longer ovulating eggs. As such, I would likely never get pregnant the old-fashioned way. I didn't get much other information at the time other than to to come back "when you've met Mr. Right" and see how far fertility treatments have come; maybe there will be a chance. 

Anatomy lesson: People born with ovaries, have their life's allotment of eggs in them at birth. Generally, these eggs are supposed to last until a person's 40s. I ran out (or was running out) at 20. My body had hit menopause at that time. Not fun. Also disappointing. 

As the years passed and relationships came and went, there has yet to be a Mr. Right. For years I felt like my fertility wasn't an issue because I wasn't in a place to become a parent. I didn't want to settle down yet, I couldn't afford it, I didn't have a partner, I didn't think a partner would want to settle down with someone who couldn't have kids... etc. I watched all my friends make pregnancy announcements, and birth announcements. I went to baby showers; the whole nine yards. I genuinely and authentically have been happy for everyone, because I think kids are the best thing about life.

I kept my body, my "secret," separate; purposely not letting it rule my thoughts or my life. But, here I am, now 39-years old, still single, yet financially stable enough for single-parenthood. I've pinched pennies for years and finally saved enough to buy the Donor Eggs and Donor Sperm I would need for IVF treatments. This alone was just under $20,000. 

But in a cruel twist of fate the insurance company says I do not meet their criteria for a diagnosis of infertility. This is because I am not actively trying to get pregnant with a man. I.E. I do not have a documented history of six months worth of "exposure to sperm". This is wrong and it is discriminatory on many levels. The Civil Rights of it all is a battle for another day.

My Doctor and I are shocked at the limited criteria for this diagnosis, since I have documented proof of "quiet" ovaries and years of lab tests showing my diagnosis of Ovarian Failure (now called Ovarian Insufficiency) is  correct and by definition means I cannot get pregnant without medical intervention.... aka infertile. *bangs head against the wall*

The cost of the treatment, the medications/hormone injections, the handling of the donor materials, thawing of material, the fertilization, growth into embryos, transfer into my uterus, etc. will cost between $25,000-$30,000. 

Now, I bought Donor Eggs in February, because my doctor saw no reason I wouldn't be covered and we were cruising right along. I don't have much time to return them (about a week), for a 90% refund. So your help, quickly will dictate if I return them or not. If I return the Eggs, I will also return your donation. If you're reading this after April 28th, I've decided to go ahead with the procedure; insurance be damned!

The emotional roller-coaster I've been on since learning about my insurance situation has been brutal; particularly because I was already injecting myself with the pregnancy hormones. I was half way down the path, when the office called me to tell me there has been a hiccup in the approval process. Oof.

It's easy to read this and say, "tough luck" and "if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it". People have asked me "what about adoption?" Adoption costs about $50,000. What about foster parenting. Well, that isn't guaranteed parenthood. There are an abundance of restrictions, and after years with a baby/child/teenager, their parents might be in a place to regain custody, and the little one goes away. Not to mention the act of carrying a baby, giving birth, and creating life from scratch is something I would like to experience.

Many of the people reading this know me personally, some tangentially, others will be strangers... Here's my non-medical backstory for those of you who don't already know it. 

I have been around or working with children my whole life. My mother ran a day care out of our home when I was young. There were always cousins and neighbors having babies. I started a mother's helpers "business" when I was around 8 years old. I babysat throughout middle and high school. In college my student job was working in the on-campus preschool. My summers were spent tutoring elementary school kids in ESL and nannying for an Austrian family of 6. Once I graduated got a job on a cruise line as Youth Program Manger. This propelled me into the following positions: Recreation Manager for Nickelodeon, Group Home Manager for Child & Family Service, Camp Director for kids in Chicago, and now as a Neonatal Nurse. My life's work is helping children thrive. My passion is seeing happy kids get the love and support they need to have the best life possible. I LOVE kids. My closest friends' children are near and dear to me. I love them as if there were my own. Kids are amazing, fun, creative, smart, full of love and hope. They are the best that humanity has to offer. 

Maybe you think I'd be a good mom, and want to help. Maybe I've taken care of your children for a period of time, and you'd like to say thank you in meaningful way. Maybe you are super duper rich and have more money than you could ever spend, so why not putting a little on this?! hahahaha! if only! Maybe you are willing to skip a coffee, and toss in $5. My little tiny future family will never forget it.

Making this fundraiser has left me feeling exposed, vulnerable, and... pathetic? Why ask people for money, for something that is technically "elective". I am very uncomfortable with the idea. Independence is the cornerstone of my personality. But, this time I need help. I can't solve this on my own. This society constantly tries to make us feel we are not enough. This entire life experience, continues to remind me at every turn, that I "can't" or "aren't allowed" or "lack something". It is such a vulnerable place to be asking for help and telling the world that there is 'something wrong with me' at the same time. 

It would make me not only, the happiest person alive, but also give a little person the best possible start to their life with some financial stability and the most grateful and qualified mother ever. 

Thank you for reading.








("Sandy Sharkton" is Alexandra Laing's nickname, thanks GoFundMe for making sure the right person can withdraw this money)