Hey Team,
As we are all aware, we have a legendary player who frequently joins our 7-a-side matches every Tuesday. However, it has come to our attention—through multiple reports—that player number 69, Sam Coope (aka "Absolute Toilet"), has not been wearing the mandatory footwear for soccer.
Despite his consistent presence on the team, Mr. Coope has taken it upon himself to wear anything but proper football boots. Below is a list of his questionable footwear choices, with evidence available upon request:
- Snake Charmer Boots
- Hiking Boots
- Cowboy Boots
- Latex Knee-High Boots
- Kinky Boots
- Slippers
- Bangladeshi Asian Slippers
- Austrian Clogs
- Winklepickers
- Alligator Leather Shoes
- Lizard Skin Shoes
- Racing Loafers
- Monk Straps
- Chukka Boots
Given the ongoing concern for his health and safety, I have set up this fundraiser to help Mr. Coope purchase appropriate soccer footwear. Our target is £30.00, which should be enough to get him a decent pair of Azzies from Sports Direct.
Please donate generously to ensure Sam’s ankles—and our dignity as a team—remain intact.
Many thanks.