Help Ryan See A Specialist For PTSD

About me:
One of the main passions of my life has been helping others. In my early twenties, I devoted myself to humanitarian work and improving the lives of children in refugee camps in Tanzania. Following this, I founded a non-profit organization to raise awareness of climate change. During this time, I put myself through university and completed a bachelor of science and a master’s degree in social work and community health. In my early thirties, I created a unique social enterprise that encouraged cherishing and benefiting others. The sole purpose of this initiative was to send young girls from rural areas of India and Nepal to school. I was able to find fullness, immeasurable joy, and a boundless love for others through this work. Sadly however, all of this would come crashing down around me.

What happened:
For the past few years my body and mind have been ravaged as a result of post-traumatic stress. In addition to struggling with chronic fatigue, I also experienced three severe and extremely traumatic events one after the other. Each of these were experiences that I would not wish on anyone, not even a worst enemy. In fact, there is literally nothing you could do to me or anyone I love that would make we wish the anguish and hurt I went through, and continue to go through, on you. The pain was, and remains at times, intolerable.

Each of these experiences took away some of my innocence. Each experience left its own comparable, and yet somehow distinct imprints. And each experience limited my ability to feel safe and to feel natural and at ease in my body. Over the past few years I have experienced a plethora of ongoing suffering symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress syndrome (also known as PTSD). These include:

-Debilitating headaches (very similar to having a concussion) that leave me able to accomplish little for weeks at a time. These headaches are almost always accompanied by depression. Sometimes the depression is manageable. And sometimes it is suffocating because of the concussion-like symptoms and how much psychological pain these cause.

-Horrible, burning/freezing sensations that permeate my body without stop.

-Insomnia.

-Severe rLung (a wind and subtle body disorder in Tibetan medicine), which draws out the post-traumatic stress syndrome symptomology. Intrusive thoughts about the traumas I experienced, flashbacks, and nervous system activation all come back and often with full potency. This strengthens and worsens the rLung, which in turn worsens the trauma physiology and so on. 

-Severe anxiety and, most recently, debilitating panic attacks.

-Increased fatigue and exhaustion.

If it is not one of these symptoms, it is another. At this point, I am almost always having to deal with one or more of these at any given time. It is exhausting. Chronic illness is also really lonely. My life and anything I was trying to accomplish – school, having a career, working to help others, etc. – have all been interrupted and put on hold.

To date, I have spent well over $60,000 (all of my savings) as well as money I do not have trying to heal and recover from these experiences. Any money I do earn/receive – outside of my mortgage, utilities, car payment (I need a vehicle to go to weekly medical appointments), and other bills – goes directly to therapy and medical treatments. I am in debt. Despite this, I am still very often suffering.

The recommended treatment:
Recovering from trauma takes time. There is no magic pill one can take. I have recently started to work therapeutically with a somatic experiencing therapist and I also work regularly with several other medical professionals (e.g., a medical doctor, a psychotherapist, a naturopath, and a chiropractor [for the headaches]). I also do yoga daily, incorporate nutritional psychiatry into my day to lessen symptoms, and meditate (when meditation does not aggravate things).

However, there is a traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) doctor in Colorado who specializes in treating PTSD. He is well known for helping people reduce their symptoms of post-traumatic stress and heal both body and mind.

The treatment will take a minimum of 1.5 months and will cost between $12,000 and $15,000. Initially, I had planned to put this amount on my line of credit and add it to the debt I have already accumulated. However, several friends have reached out wanting to help me and contribute. One recommended this gofundme page, something I never would have done without that gentle nudging.

The truth is, I need help. I cannot do this on my own. I have been dealing with this, both emotionally and financially, for far too long and it often feels, as of late, like I simply can’t keep my head above water.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Writing about my experiences on social media and letting people in on my pain and hurt is not that difficult for me. I do it because I hope it might reduce stigma and help others who are also suffering. Asking for help however is a whole new level of vulnerability and scariness.

If you have the capacity to contribute to this medical fund I would be extremely grateful.  Even sharing it with your social media networks or friends (through email) may be a big help. Once better, I can promise a life of ongoing dedication to others in return.

My contribution:
I will be using the money I have left on my line of credit (and credit cards if need be) to help fund these medical treatments. I want to contribute what I can to my own healing.

How soon I need the funds:
My plan is to try to leave for Colorado in early March and stay for a minimum of 1.5 months.

How these funds will help me:
At the very least, these funds will help me alleviate the PTSD symptoms I am currently experiencing as this doctor really is amazing at dealing with the root causes of imbalance and dysfunction. At best, these funds may possibly contribute to my healing and be a component in the eradication of PTSD physiology. This will allow me to return to life, to work, and to my humanitarian pursuits and projects.

How these funds will be distributed:
My partner, Kellsey Calhoon, has agreed to accept and hold all funds in a separate medical account that has been created. These funds will then be used to pay for all of the medical expenses mentioned above once treatment begins.

I love you and I am sorry to be in this situation, one that requires me to have to ask for your help.