HI! I would like to share why I am starting my life over. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma in 2018 and began chemo in January of 2019. Prior to beginning chemo I had open heart surgery. Initially when I went to the hospital I was told I had a benign tumor. The surgeon said it was imperative that it be removed immediately. I agreed to the surgery because some of the tumor was on my heart. After surgery I spent a week in the hospital. At my follow up was when I learned it was HL and I would need to begin to treatment immediately to kill the remaining part of the tumor. See because part of it was on my heart they were unable to remove it all.  Because they got so close to my heart they had to put a stint in. As a result I will be on medication the rest of my life because of this stint. The surgeon then told me he would not have done the surgery had he known it was HL. Wow!! The pain from open heart surgery is a pain I cannot put into words. Going through an unnecessary surgery that again almost took my life. 
Needless to say I was shocked, in disbelief and hurt to say the least. I went from having chest pains and fatigue, to a tumor, to a benign tumor to HL. I was a little distraught and was referred to a nurse navigator. My nurse navigator explained to me all that would happen. She expressed the toll chemo would take on my body, fatigue, loss of taste, smell and more. She told me I would not be able to work and depending on my body chemo could make me gain or lose weight. She emphatically stressed that I had to eat and chemo is not a time to lose weight. I did not really understand why she stressed this was not a weight loss thing. I never thought it would be! I was told chemo potentially could cause other forms of cancer to develop later in my life. That was a risk that scared me more than anything. I finally agreed after several counseling sessions. Chemo was set for every two weeks for 6 months. During this time I did loss taste in my mouth, I developed sores in my mouth, experienced nausea and vomiting on a daily. I had to give myself shots weekly to try and help my body fight and stay strong, I was on so much medication until we had to chart it and realized I was taking meds on the hour. There were days I could not get up at all. I lost all mobility, I couldn't work, eat, sleep or drink.  I compared myself to others and felt bad that I couldn't work, but by the second month it didn't matter to me because I was unable to do anything. I was literally dying. The doctors began to tell my family they are not sure how I am still going because I had nothing in me to help sustain me. They stressed to eat, but I physically could not.  My family took me to a nutritionist that tried to assist but it was no good. My family tried everything because it was painful for them to watch me lay motionless in the bed not speaking, eating, drinking or using the restroom! I had nothing to give and I was just a body lying occupying a mattress. I was not eating not because I wanted to lose weight but I had no appetite. It was physically impossible. 
Prior to chemoI had to give up everything I owned and move back home with my parents, for which I am grateful that I had some place to go. I moved out of my apartment and gave away all my possessions because I knew I would not be able to stay in my apartment. I had to take a leave from work. I am starting this go fund me to get my life back. I am still in physical therapy, have weekly appointments, scans every six months and I am limited in my physical abilities. I lost everything and almost died and still have side effects that prevent me from doing the most simple task that I am used to do.  I still experience neuropathy in my body. At times the pain is blinding. I am still on a healthy regime of pain meds,  medication for neuropathy, meds to help my body continue to fight, and meds for all the trauma my body is going through.
Any support that I receive will be a blessing to me and afford me the opportunity to provide basic needs. I would use funds to assist me in maintaining. I am a hard worker and I am trying to get my life back. I would be grateful for any help at all. I am 40 years old and have taken care of myself my entire life. My pride is causing me to second  guess asking for help but I know I need it. Thank you and love to you all!