Dear friends and family,

I hope you are finding ways to stay nourished in this time! I'm reaching out to you in a moment of raw vulnerability, realizing that my own difficulties with nourishment due to chronic illness won't improve unless I humble myself and ask for help.

I've had digestive challenges throughout my life, but in late spring of 2020, they became acute, possibly COVID-related and possibly just activated by the stress of that time. For the last 6 years, I've tried as many different healing options as I could afford—which has excluded quality medical care. On Medicaid, GI care has been woeful. My doctors want to prescribe more antibiotics, which are damaging and don't address the causes of my SIBO, reflux, and IBS. I eat an intensely restricted diet and at one point was down to almost 100 pounds, while still experiencing the spectrum from discomfort to pain after almost every meal. This has harmed my relationship to food as well as my ability to work, and it's been increasingly difficult to see a way out.

Acupuncture, counseling, energy work, plant medicine, and other modalities are all supportive. However, I'm finally accepting that what will most help me is to see a functional medicine nutritionist who tests for and treats the specific causes of symptoms (e.g., low stomach acid, parasites, candida, etc.), helps me slowly expand my diet, and supports my nervous system to heal the cycle of chronic stress. I had a consultation this week with an awesome practitioner who comes highly recommended. I would love to work with her, and I'm raising funds to help me pay for 8 months of intensive treatment. The functional nutrition appointments and testing will cost a baseline of $5K, and I've increased this fundraiser to $6K with the goal of covering prescribed supplements and additional hands-on body work.

In 2027, I plan to start an MA program in Mental Health Counseling and move towards greater financial stability that will also support my well-being. I'd wanted to start sooner, but I'm surrendering to the truth that this year, I just need to focus on the basics: being able to eat. My symptoms sit inside bigger patterns of under-receiving, over-giving, and overachieving due to shame. I hope that by the time I start school, I'll be able to enjoy a robust array of foods and embody my generosity and work ethic in a more well-resourced, balanced way.

Asking for more help feels SO HUMILIATING, especially when I'm asking for direct investment in me rather than in a gift that I'm offering to the world (music). But like it or not, if my reality is going to change, I need to ask. Can you help me?

With deep gratitude,

Rena

P.S. For now, I'm hoping not to share this on my newsletter or social media and keep it to a more intimate circle and just a couple of listservs I'm choosing...I appreciate if you share it, but please only share via text or email with small groups rather than wider networks.