Life definitely has its up and downs and unfortunately I'm more familiar with the downs than I am the ups as a recovering addict I've hit my rock bottom more times than I care to recollect, however the struggles I'm facing now have left me in such a bad mental state as I never in a million years imagined the curve ball "Life" had hanging in what I thought was actual balance I had worked so very hard for over the last year ! As if it wasn't a struggle enough to be sober and stay sober I was fortunate to find an elderly lady that needed me as much as I needed her and God granted such a blessing in my life to be able to find a place to live and work all in one w Ms Linda ! I felt like I was actually on the right track to getting my life back together and finally moving forward in the right direction and just like that , (I guess the Devil didn't care too much for this ) in a matter of 3 days I lost my elderly lady , my place of living and my only income ! My life was completely turned upside down 2 months ago starting w a call from my elderly mom who called in a panick on a Sunday to take her to the ER , that Sunday I did , to find out she was stage 4 with endometrial cancer, having an obligation to my elderly lady for whom I worked for and lived with I had no choice but to leave my mom in the hospital to come back and take Ms Linda to her scheduled doctor's appt that next day (Monday) as I'm waiting for the Doc to come in , I took that moment as an opportunity to call and check in on my mom but 30 seconds into the conversation I see the nurse motion me to come back in w Ms. Linda only to tell me that they were sending her to the ER as her oxygen level was low and a serious concern that she might in fact be in heart failure . In less than 48 hours I went from thinking things were finally looking up for me to losing two of the most important people in my life . I'm not trying to paint a poor me picture for nobody but in being honest my life has been turned upside down a few times in my 42 years and as much as I have been thru and come out the other side on the past few years have really taken a toll on me and my health and mental health in a serious way . Three years ago I lost the love of my life and partner of 8 years to an accidental overdose that changed me forever in ways I still have not fully wrapped my head around and I've struggled heavily over the 3 years he's been gone to regain my life and start again . I thought I had finally made huge strides in that I removed myself on my own from a toxic environment and situation up north 2 years ago down here to florida I tried getting sober on my own ha ha and when that didn't work I made one of the most important calls of my life , to save my life and asked for help . I successfully completed detox and residential and went on to a sober living house where I completed that as well. I moved back got a job and had started making strides in going back to school to get a licence in home health or CNA and I was thanking God every day that I no longer woke up wishing I had not !!! Sadly tho even tho I am still sober ( which is extremely hard if I'm being honest ) I once again am angry that I keep waking up. My mom was given a 6 months or less time stamp to live after 2 days of being in the hospital and on that 2 nd day I received a call that the elderly lady I took care of , died unexpectedly overnight. I was given 4 days to vacate the premises as Ms linda stayed in a 55 and up park and I was only granted living permissions as Ms Linda had a medical note requiring round the clock care ! 4 days to pack up and move with no last pay no leads on where or how to make it happen a vehicle that didn't run and a very sick mother who was now bed ridden w cancer and dying . On top of losing a dear friend I had grown very close to over the last year and a half. Having to make a very hard choice to save all my belongings and try to worry about myself and well being when all I wanted to do was be there w my mom while I still had the chance ! Needless to say nothing has gone the way I thought or hoped nor prayed it would ! I literally had nowhere to go or means to just get myself outta this perdicament let alone quickly so I put my big girl panties on and stiffened up my upper lip and decided to pitch a tent and rough it temporarily so I could try to focus on my mom and idk maybe in the back of my mind losing myself in my mom's situation seemed like the right thing to do but ultimately it was because maybe that was something I could do something about where as my situation seemed damn near hopeless , well my first week in tent was a total night mare as it rained and rained hard on and off the whole week which then turned into 2 weeks of feeling like a crazy person trying to stay dry and keep dry which did not go too well for me at all. So much of all I had left ended up ruined from getting soaked I about nearly gave up . Two and a half weeks or 3 idk in I'm no further ahead and at $25 a day to camp I ended up completely outta money and no better off than when this started not too mention that the place where u can safely camp , shower , ext. Only allows you to do so for 14 days then u must leave and stay gone 14 days before u can return ! Just when I thought things couldn't get worse my mom who had been transferred from the hospital to a rehabilitation place a lot closer (which I thought would be easier , finally) had apparently and unbeknownst to me ) taken a turn for the worse and was taken back to hospital and returned to facility on palliative care all without me ever knowing !!!! Due to my situation that has been completely outta my control and so totally circumstantial my mom's health detirriated very rapidly and she ended up dying , also unexpectedly and without me by her side. This has changed me in ways I never imagined! The loss , the guilt , the weight of not being able to do anything about anything, and all because of a dollar or lack there of , it kills me and has left me damn near debilitated. So many things came down to a money thing and when it's life or death we're talking about and what determines how one gets to spend their last moments here on earth or how to proceed there after someone you love has passed and all that seems to matter at the end of it all is if u can afford it or not makes me cringe . Money money money , it can't buy you genuine happiness but it sure can make an already hard life damn near miserable without it !!! I lost the last moment I had w my mom all because I didn't have the means to get myself outta a situation that I was in at zero fault of my own. Now that being said I understand that my past choices landed me in a situation that made things harder for me than most , I own that . I thought things were supposed to get easier tho once you made the attempt to better yourself and your situation and it seems like things have only gotten harder ! They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle and I'm a true testament to that cuz I am still here , fighting , struggling every day , striving to take it one minute at a time if need be. But right now i have come to the conclusion that I cannot do this without help. I'm not asking for handouts I'm asking for a hand up. Anything at this point would help. Including prayers. And especially prayers. As I am still currently homeless. I'm trying to come up with enough money to get my mom's car legal for me to have legal and reliable transportation to get myself a real job. I lost my food stamps also due to not being able to get my mail and having nowhere to forward it . Although I completed the application and interview I'm still waiting on that to go thru. Ive lost any chance of retrieving any of my deceased mothers belongings and am now a week away from losing everything I own in a storage unit I haven't paid in almost a month. I'm not afraid to work and do any little chance I get. But circumstances outta my control make things so much harder than they should be I believe. Ive struggled before but not like this and not with what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders . I've learned the hard way that it does indeed take money to make money. And when you find that you've landed in a hole so deep climbing out feels impossible. $300.00 for my mom's ashes as the county has paid for her cremation . None of which includes trying to come up with enough to get into a small efficiency or room for rent. I've never been the one to reach out and ask for help but I do not have much family left let alone family wealthy enough to help me in a very serious time of need. I know life doesn't prepare us for much of anything, especially losing a parent when that parent is the only one you got. It's a sad and strange feeling to be left in a world that no longer has the one person despite all ur flaws and faults loves you unconditionally... That's hard enough but to go thru THAT at the same time you lose everything you worked so hard for all at once and not because you did something wrong or messed up but because life happens and isn't fair is beyond an understatement! Again I'm not here just asking for handouts because I'm too lazy to get off my butt and do for myself , just too many lemons thrown all at once for me to realistically dodge the aftermath of what still feels like a lemon sized hailstorm that I barely survived !!!! Please have some compassion and understanding of ones hard time and help this struggling daughter get thru one of the absolute hardest times in her life and may God bless any person ten fold who simply takes the few minutes outta their busy lives to just read this, let alone donate to a person truly in need !!!