Help Raiven pay for Divorce Attorney

My name is Raiven, for the last 11 years I have been married to a emotionally abusive, manipulative, Narcissist. I’m trying to escape that marriage.

My husband convinced me to quit a job that I loved and had been at for 3 years, to have me be a stay at home mom, thus making me dependent on his income.

He drove away the few local friends I had, and has attempted to dive a wedge between my last remaining friend and I, thus leaving me isolated with only him and his friends for company.

After a accident he sold my car to a person of his choice and for a amount he chose, then when my mother gave us the money to buy a new one he talked me into going to the hospital for a treatment that I did not need at that time, while he went and bought the car in his name when we agreed it was to be in mine.

I underwent surgery to replace my pacemaker and the night I returned home and was told to rest and not to do anything strenuous, he left me alone with 2 small children while he left to spend the night with his mistress.

So a normal day over the past 6 years:

•Wake up at 5am

•Make coffee

•Bring him a small cup of coffee in bed

•Wait 15 mins after he drinks it to start waking him up.

•Poke and prod him til he gets in the shower while understanding that is he says anything mean it’s cause he’s not really awake yet.

•Pick out his work clothes for him (cause if I don’t he gets angry and starts slamming the drawers closed while doing it himself).

• If he has misplaced anything (glasses, wallet, keys, work phone, iPad) I am expected to find it for him while he drinks his second cup of coffee and has a morning cigarette.

•Wake the children so they are in a good mood (cause when he says goodbye to them he expects them to give him a hug and if they are grouchy from waking up then he will say something like “fine, don’t say goodbye to me, guess you don’t care about me!” And then I have to talk the kids down after)

•get kids ready and make lunches and take them to school (EXCEPT for this past year where I have had to homeschool them myself, and having no clue what I was doing, homeschool them to his high standards, and if something was not up to those standards he would tell me “it’s fine, I’ll just quit my job and teach the kids myself, can’t have you ruining the children” but then every Wednesday when he is supposed to take them on a field trip, he takes them to the river to meet up with his friends.

•Do all the dishes, laundry, other cleaning.

•Make dinner (I don’t do hamburger helper type stuff, I make everything from scratch, so making dinner is time consuming)

•He gets home, often with coworkers in tow, and goes outside to smoke a cigarette, then upstairs to smoke some weed, then back down for another cigarette, then back upstairs to smoke some weed. Usually does not come to eat dinner until after the kids and I are finishing ours. Then proceeds to drink and blast music.

•I go to bed between 9:30-10pm

•Jon comes to bed and without having paid any attention to me, asks for sex. If I refuse, proceeds to masterbate right next to me.

On the weekends he would sleep til noon, then either spend the day at the river drinking and smoking, or invite people over to drink shots and party til 3 in the morning, with music playing loudly and lazer lights shining into neighbors windows and if asked to turn it down would often respond with “fuck off” or “eat a bag of dicks”.

Whenever I would try to stand up for myself or call him out for his bad behavior, he would either use Reactive Abuse or D.A.R.V.O. on me.

Several times during the pandemic he would be acting depressed, and when I would try to talk to him to see what was wrong he would say things like “everything sucks, I don’t want to live in this world anymore, things are never going to get better, I can’t even go to the bar cause they are closed.”

Back when we had been dating for a while he found out his ex was pregnant. I stood by him though that. We eventually got married and had a kid of our own. When he was dealing with his difficult ex, trying to get custody of his son from her, he told me that he “never wants to get divorced, I’ll drive off a cliff before having to pay anyone else child support.”

On June 5th we told the kids about the divorce. It was heartbreaking. He told the kids that his son would be staying with him, and that our daughter would be going with me.

My daughter and I have been planning on moving out at the end of July, we have been packing and sorting through our things. My mom has offered for us to stay with her until we get on our feet, she has been buying all kinds of furniture for us and setting up her spare bedrooms so that they will be ready and comfortable for us. I even have my daughter registered at the school near my moms house. My mom lives in the next county over, a hour and a half drive from where we have been living.

Now, 2 weeks before we were set to move out, he surprised me with court documents stating that I can not take my daughter out of the county. The county we live in is one of the most expensive in our state. A 2 bedroom apartment starts at $1750 a month. Landlords require a income of 3 times the rent price. Even if I were already receiving alimony, which I am not, it would only be $1600 a month. I have been actively searching for a job since February, but have been unable to find work in the area. If we move in with my mother I will be able to save all of my money, which will allow us to get on our feet faster, but if forced to stay in our current county, I will not be able to save, let alone live, forcing me into a level of poverty that will be next to impossible to get out of.

Here in the state of California, divorce attorney’s charge an average of $330 a hour. He has a advantage in that his uncle is a divorce attorney and will be representing him.

I fully intend to request that he pay my lawyer fees, but even that will only be him reimbursing me, I will need money for a retainer before a lawyer will take my case.

I need help. I don’t know how much money I will need in the end, but if there is any leftover I plan to use it tword moving expenses, and then anything after that will be donated to the local Women’s Shelter.

Please help me. Please help my daughter. Please share.