Help Rachel afford top surgery

Hi friends! Thank you so much for taking the time to visit this page.

So, what's going on?

I am having top surgery in 3 months and recently received the pre-op bill from my surgeon's office. The bill came in much much higher than expected and it's due in less than 6 weeks. I am desperately trying to raise funds through my community so that I do not have to cancel this surgery.

Although it's been an arduous journey up to this point I have to keep pushing forward for the sake of my mental health. There is no other path. Before deciding to begin the process of getting top surgery I was in a bad place - somewhere rapidly approaching rock-bottom. The daily onslaught of body dysphoria is, and was especially at that time, neverending. One of my hobbies at the time was walking into oncoming traffic and turning back only when my girlfriend got upset. (Sarah, I'm sorry.)

One night last fall was what you might call the final straw. I was feeling so low after spending a night with beautiful friends who had no idea what I was going through. When I got home I slammed my head against the kitchen counter and blacked out for a moment. I woke up with no recollection of the injury but found a huge knot on my head that didn't go away for weeks and a gnarly bruise I couldn't ignore. I laughed it off to my friends and coworkers but the experience rattled me. I told myself I had to seek out the care I need to live comfortably in my body cause the way I had been living wasn't going to work for me anymore.

I've spent the last year waiting for my chance to have top surgery. I've stopped drinking alcohol, invested more in friendships, and funneled so much anxious energy into reading books and talking about books and arranging my bookshelves, and making space for new books. I've continued playing the drums, I've lifted weights, I've gotten pretty damn good at cooking pasta sauce and I no longer walk into oncoming traffic. (Sarah, thank you.)

I've met with numerous doctors, therapists, nurses, and surgeons and answered more questions than I care to about my gender and sexuality, none of which is anyone's business but is somehow essential to the process of getting what I want. At the end of the day, what I know is this: I need this surgery in order to live in a body that feels like my own. I need this surgery in order to look in the mirror and see myself. I need this surgery in order to keep going.

Please, if you are able, please help me with this fundraising goal. Please, if you are able, please support me right now at a time when I really truly need a community to come through for me. There's so much more I want in life, but this comes first. Please help me get this surgery.

Love & light to everyone here - that means, you. :)

Love & light to everyone who has at one time or another felt like a stranger in their body.

Peace,

Rachel

(or to some of you, Ray)