Help Publish Samantha's Story of Hope

Story

Father's Day, June 19, 2005, was going to be my death date. I carefully planned my suicide and expected it to end quickly. God had other plans. He gifted me 9 days in a coma, during which time I was offered the choice of exiting life or choosing to live and meet my (unknown at the time) niece and my very own feline daughter (again, unknown at the time.) I remember foggy details from my experience in a coma, it was 20 years ago. But I keenly recall choosing "life," as I was excited to meet my girls! I slowly recovered over the summer months, and on August 8, 2005 I went to the mall with my mother and older sister. On the way home, my sister surprised me by saying, "You need a cat!" I have loved cats and kittens since childhood. "Tiger" was my first male orange tabby birthday gift when I was 4 years old. I loved that little guy. He was gifted to me by my parents after my mother washed my stuffed tiger toy and the washer ate him up! He was torn to shreds, and so was my mother's heart and mine. Living with treatment resistant clinical depression and chronic PTSD is a hard life. I did not want a cat that day. My sister insisted I needed something to "take care of." I couldn't even take care of my very own Self at the time. I was living with my mom and older sister because they "needed to keep an eye on me" so I would not attempt to kill myself again. My older sister, always being the one to make decisions in my behalf, insisted. We went to a pet fair at a local national pet store and went directly to the cat room. The very first thing I saw was a little girl crying as her father pulled a tiny kitten from her arms and placed the little feline in a cardboard box on the floor. "Not today, sweetheart, maybe another time," her mother said. The facility was filled with cats and kittens that all needed loving homes. I examined every cage and said, "Nope! Not one I want. Let's go home." As I exited the cat room, out of the corner of my eye I noticed the rejected kitten in the cardboard box clawing its way to the top edge. This little being hung on by its two front paws and with the brightest and biggest green eyes let out a "chirp" of a meow. I grabbed it quickly because it was going to fall on the floor and unknowingly be trampled by a gigantic human being. Before I knew it, this tiny ball of fur crawled up my arm and nestled itself under my chin. Trembling, I felt its fear in my gut. The same fear I was feeling after unsuccessfully completing suicide and being forced back into "life." "Samantha," as her ID card read, was fragile, scared and barely holding on. Just like me. In that moment I felt another "God shot" and we walked out of the store with Samantha in hand...I have written our story and want to share with the world how much this beautiful cat loved me, and I her, for the next 18 years. Many times over, Samantha Grace (I gave her a middle name because she restored "grace" in my life,) rescued me again and again, as I lived my life in internal darkness. Samantha taught me how to take care of my very own Self. Daily rituals of bathing, eating, playing and sleeping were deeply instilled in me by this precious gift. Samantha's personality unfolded over the first six months of our life together. This feisty, comedic, lovable cat gave me a reason to live. I began journaling our timeline, and by the time she crossed the Rainbow Bridge on March 14, 2023, she left me with a heart full of love, a desire to spread her optimistic love and the will to live... I am asking for donations to help me pay to self-publish our beautiful history. Living on SSDI because of a mental health disability can be a shameful experience. However, I elect to be grateful for what I have and thank God every single day for continuing to guide and guard me. I don't earn much, but I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. If you can share any amount to help me publish "Queen Samantha" I will be eternally grateful. I practice the pay it forward philosophy in every area of my life. I pray that your gift will help me continue to share my story so I can help others move from pain to purpose!