I first want to start off saying thank you for taking the time to read this. If you are, that means that you care a little bit about me in some way to at least read, share, help, reach out, or just check in. Anything right now is appreciated. Community support is huge for me, it’s really the only thing I have other than some family. This year started off really hard.

I’ve been working on myself and trying to start collage to become a vettech, learn better relationship habits, coping skills, learning to ask for help when needed. It’s been a big struggle but I’ve been improving. My best friend autumn ward was a big reason why I was pushing myself in such a positive way. I wanted to show her she could do it too and had the support in me just like I knew I did in her. Before her tragic passing jan 7th two days after her 32nd birthday from her “bf” Gage murdering her for no reason what so ever. I broke down. The person who I was dating at the time was not a good support system and also was something I knew I didn’t need in my life right now to Get better.

I’ve been dealing with some health issues that have been on going for years but doctors never really truly addressed the issues. Always trying to force me on birth control. Well, I finely have a woman who is listening and my doctor now sees and believes I have a problem! I have a lovely 7cm cyst on my LEft ovary due to *drum roll* endometriosis!!!! What I’ve been saying the whole time and them refusing to believe me. So now, I’m finely getting the help I need and getting a hysterectomy done March 6th.

I also under gone a colonoscopy and an endoscopy to try and find anything else and Ofcourse they did. I will also be getting a rectal prolapse surgery done, I have a small polyp in my tummy and they took a biopsy from my insides to make sure I don’t have cancer. After getting out of this basic procedure, I became deathly ill. Vomiting for 12 hours straight. They became worried about my gallbladder. Telling me “this looks really weird” and almost having to go into Immediate surgery. I became pretty scared. At the end they said it started to look normal after I was able to calm down the vomiting and don’t need surgery at this time on it. My wonderful new friend Meghan helped me with a ride to the hospital and stayed until 3am when they kicked her out. I stayed in for almost two days but went home for one night, then back the next morning (this was now Wednesday). They gave me some stuff, settled things down and sent me back home. I tried to work yesterday (Friday) and I had to go home due to me vomiting from so much stress on my body (just from walking around). I’ve lost 10bl (already too small as is).

I’ve lost a lot of work due to autumns passing and my job not allowing me to get any pto from this since she wasn’t family (even though in my eyes I felt like I was more than that). I’m going to only have 60% for two weeks of my work pay when I do short term leave for my surgery. I live alone, need to save up for a car, pay my bills, and feed me and my fur babies from now till April. My wonderful aunt Laura and uncle Gary will be taking care of me and my dogs all during March for me to have a safe recovery.

I also have two wonderful wisdom teeth that are now rotting out of my mouth because I’ve been putting them off for so long due to me unable to afford to get them taken out. Everything just keeps piling up. 

I’ve never made something like this before for myself. I’ve never asked for help in a way where I shared my life issues with the world in hopes they see me and care. I’m scared of my life outcome. My birthday is the 17th of feb (this month) and I’m more scared than I’ve ever been in my life. I know I’m not alone and I feel so much support from friends and family. That doesn’t make this any less hard or scary though. I’ll be 34 years old going through one of the most hardest times in my life. I tell myself everyday though that the lord wouldn’t put me in a situation he knew I couldn’t handle. I believe I’m doing a pretty ok job at handling each message he is giving me right now. I’m here to learn and grow, not run and push away.

school will be starting this month and I’m excited but also nervous about this. I’m on a time crunch but this is my reason in my life, to become a vet tech and help save and take care of these little lives we love so dearly.

so, if you got to the end of this. Now you know what’s been going on. The amount I’m asking for is an estimate with bills, rent, pet food, getting a car, and food for myself. I will be out of work from March to the beginning of April. Any help from anyone is so much appreciated. I know I’ve made mistakes in my life, have hurt others feelings, have done things I have shame in, but I am learning from them. I am growing, even when it hurts the most. I have sorrow for my past but I promise I’m making my future better and myself better to show how much I care for myself and in terms I am able to take care of others.

thank you again for reading, caring, sharing, checking in, and everything in between. I need a team in my community right now. I don’t know what else to do.