Help Ingrid Find Her Pride

Please help make this Pride Month a little extra special by showing your support for our dear friend Ingrid Costello. Her Gender Confirmation Surgery has been scheduled for next month (July 2023), and Ingrid will require assistance with medical costs and living expenses for herself and her children until she is fully recovered. We are setting a fundraising goal of $5,000 to help her meet this end. Thank you so much for your support! ~ Marice & Jay

My name is Ingrid.

I was assigned “male” at birth, but I have known since very early childhood that I was in the wrong body. I have always felt more feminine than masculine, and had no interest in the traditional male gender role. Unfortunately, I grew up in a place and time when these feelings were simply not discussed, acknowledged or accepted. I didn’t know that other people like me even existed. I thought I was an anomaly, a freak, a queer. So for decades I hid my true self, held her down and silenced her. I locked her away and tossed aside the key. I did my best to present myself as I thought others perceived me. As a result, I have suffered my entire adult life with severe anxiety and suicidal depression.

Then, at a gathering in December of 2021 to celebrate my 59th birthday, something magical happened. My eldest child brought a group of their friends along to help prepare dinner. These kids were magnificent, representing every color of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, and they were all so happy and so FREE! Free to be themselves, without fear of judgement or repression - they simply existed, just as they were. Seeing their courage, and the fearlessness with which they were all living their lives suddenly gave me the courage to come to terms with my true self. I drank a toast to all of them, and resolved that night to end my charade.

I came home from that weekend and started by experimenting with my rediscovered sense of self, and created a few social media accounts under my female identity. At first I was just trying her on for size to see how she fit, and invited a few close and trusted friends along for the ride. But immediately, the change in me was apparent - not just to me, but to everyone around me. After that, there was no turning back. I came out to the rest of my friends and family the next day, and immediately began the process to transition externally as well. Within a month I had legally changed my name and my gender on all of my personal identification and records, and started Hormone Replacement Therapy after finally being officially diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria.

After 12 months of HRT, I was finally scheduled for Gender Affirmation Surgery for November 2023. Then I got I call saying the surgery had been pushed back to February 2024. Then I got another call last week saying it been moved up to Tuesday, July 18… OF THIS YEAR!!!

Since then, everything has been rushing toward me at lightening speed. Fortunately, it seems that my insurance is going to cover my surgery and hospital stay, but after that I am facing at least 4-6 weeks (possibly more) of recovery at home, for which I had planned on taking an unpaid leave of absence from work. But now it looks like corporate will not approve my unpaid leave because they require that I have worked there for at least 12 months prior, and I’ll have only been here 7 as of the new surgery date. My manager *thinks* he has a workaround that will allow him to keep me on the roster without receiving a paycheck, but there is also a very real possibility that once I fully recover I may be facing unemployment.

I already live on a tenuous budget as it is, existing paycheck to paycheck, with no savings and nothing left over after expenses. I only make about $1600 per month after taxes, of which $1500 goes to pay rent and expenses for my children, leaving me with just barely enough to cover my own. If it weren’t for the occasional meager cash tips I bring home, I wouldn’t be able to survive at all. My credit is already stretched way beyond its limits and I’ve already sold everything I had of any material value just to stay afloat this long. Not being able to work for two months or more will destroy me.

If I am to be off work for the entire months of July and August, I would need $3200 to cover my existing bases, and in all honesty it would be nice to have a bit of cushion to fall back on, in case my recovery time takes any longer. I feel like a bleeder having to rely on the kindness of strangers, but here we are.

Any donated money leftover after my immediate expenses would go to cover any additional aftercare I require and to my continuing laser/electrolysis treatments, which are required for surgery but NOT covered by insurance.

I thank you for your consideration, and your support, and look forward to spending whatever time I have left in this world simply being ME. Despite the challenges, coming to terms with all this has been EXHILARATING, the most immediate effect being that EVERY SINGLE mental health issue I have struggled with for most of my adult life has evaporated into thin air, like a HUGE weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I only hope that my story will inspire others to live their own true lives to the fullest.

Love,

Ingrid