Help Nonbinary Filmmaker Get Top Surgery

I came out as transgender four years ago, when was 21 years old, but I knew something about me was different since I was a young kid. I always identified more with the boys in my classes and wanted to be treated like one of them, and was constantly struggling to make friends with the girls. It was hard, and I never felt like I fit in anywhere. When I hit puberty and started to develop breasts, I experienced dysphoria for the first time. It wasn't a word I knew then, but it was a feeling I would become very acquainted with. 

I hated my chest, and I could never explain why. Having boobs felt like this great big "girl" burden, and I didn't want it. That feeling has never quite gone away. I went on hormone replacement therapy in July 2018, and the testosterone helped affirm my identity in a huge way, but it didn't take away the fact that the body I live in just feels... wrong. During this pandemic, I have spent a lot of time considering what my priorities are, and I came to the conclusion that finally ridding myself of a huge source of my gender dysphoria was one of, if not the, most important thing to me. It drains constantly on my mental health, to the point where I struggle with looking at myself in the mirror.

I finally took the leap in making a consultation for top surgery, a step that had been my top goal for 2020. I have been binding every day for the past five years — something that is a genuine hazard at my job, as I spend a lot of time lifting heavy film equipment — and the idea that I could alleviate my gender dysphoria and the physical damage I have been causing myself by binding at the same time was a huge motivator. My surgery date is in June, and the total bill is $12,000. I am hoping to be able to put enough money away to cover some of it on my own, but with living expenses, I am not sure I can pull enough together by the time the date rolls around.

I know it's a strange time to be asking for money that goes to anything other than COVID-19, and that isn't lost on me. I work freelance in the film industry and have a restaurant job that supplements it, so I have been out of work and on unemployment for some time now. That being said, this time off is uniquely convenient for me because it means I can take time and heal from surgery without losing work and further income down the line.

I will do whatever it takes to get this surgery, and I only hope that I can do so without putting myself thousands of dollars in debt. Anything donated is appreciated, I only ask that you give what you feel comfortable with donating, as I understand these are strange and unprecedented times. We are all looking for some light in this fog, and I believe this surgery is mine.

Thank you for your generosity.