Hi. My name is Kim. On August 3rd, my husband of eighteen years passed away with no warning.

Paul had been fighting his deteriorating body for many years. However, after a car accident in 2009 that put both of us in wheelchairs and permanently disabled us, Paul struggled with the loss of most of his independence. As a result, we qualified for a state-employed caregiver who has been with us for twelve years and has become like family. Still, Paul was stubborn and insisted on doing everything he could manage himself. He was fiercely independent.

In the last year and a half, Paul struggled with a thrush infection in his mouth. We weren't sure how he got it, but the treatment he received only lessened the symptoms without curing it, and despite our efforts, he began to suffer from malnutrition. His Type 2 diabetes vanished, which was the only benefit. Finally, we got the malnutrition under control, and he felt better, but the thrush never left.

The beginning of covid meant that our time spent swimming three days a week ended. Because of Paul's disability, swimming was the only exercise option available. When that was no longer possible, his body weakened significantly, and he could no longer do many of the things he had before. This depressed him greatly, but we found ways to keep his spirits up as much as possible.

The day before Paul passed, he went grocery shopping to prepare for making dinner for us. He loved grilling and was going to make kebabs. The fridge was full of a wide variety of veggies, and he had splurged on some steaks. The excitement he had that he felt up to making a wonderful dinner for us had him lit up and happy in a way that I hadn't seen in a very long time. He decided to take a nap before starting to cook and never woke up.

Paul was my soulmate. Our connection was instant and profound. We learned from one another and grew into a relationship full of love, laughter, silliness, and all of the beautiful things that bloom between partners who adore and respect one another in the depths of their souls. Learning to live without him is the most painful and difficult experience I have ever had. Intellectually I know that the pain will ease with time. That time is not now. Now my heart aches so badly that it can hurt to breathe, and nothing eases that pain.

Because the reason for his passing is not apparent and because of his family medical history, I need to have an autopsy performed. Knowing might not bring me the closure I hope for, but it's all I can do. Because of the nature of his death, I am responsible for the costs of an autopsy. Neither the county nor the state will assist me with these costs. I need to know why my best friend and life partner is dead.

In addition to the autopsy costs, I have to pay the local funeral home for transporting Paul and storing him. Among other things, they researched where green burial options are available. Then there is the cost of the aquamation and the cost of transporting him 171 miles to the facility where that option is available.

As much as I would like to be able to travel to where Paul's remains will be processed, it simply isn't in the budget, and I'm not asking for funds here for it because that is a luxury, not a necessity. Taking care of my husband's remains in a respectful manner is all I care about. When we receive his remains afterward, we will hold a wake. That's what Paul wanted, and that's what I'll give him.

To anyone who donates to this fund, I want to thank you from the depths of my heart. Because of your generosity, and in the cases of people who knew Paul, your love, this beautiful man can be laid to rest with dignity in the way that he wished. You are a gift. You are a credit to the human race. You are living proof that there are still kind and generous people in this world-gone-crazy. Thank you. With all that I am, I thank you.