Hello beautiful friends and family ❤️

I want to start off saying I can’t believe I am doing this right now. My Ego and especially my pride are fighting this tooth and nail.

I need help. Wow that feels scary, really scary to type, yet a little relief comes washing over me too. Breathe….

I feel I have always been pretty damn good at figuring my shit out and trusting I won’t ever be in an uncomfortable spot too long and that flicker of hope in me has always kept me going.

Over the last almost three years I have been very slowly, gently and quietly healing some very deep wounds and traumas that I have had to endure. Finding myself again and who I truly am in the mess of all the other “stuff” has been fucking brutal but so rewarding because I have changed. My Life has changed. People around me have changed. I am safe. I am loved. I am free.

It’s been one of the hardest yet most rewarding journeys I have been on. I have completely changed my life and the old Natalie is taking a long and much needed rest. I have peeled through those old layers that no longer serve me.

I have a story to tell, but today this is only a chapter that I’m needed some help from my loved ones and community. I have been living my life every single day to the best of my ability to share my love and shining my light as bright as I can in all places even the places some are afraid of. I’m on a personal healing path that one day I will share all about when the time is right.

Today I hit a stopping point. A mini setback. Fear creeped in. My car that I have has since 2013 is having multiple issues leaking so many things mainly coolant. I’m filling my car daily with coolant just to do my daily commute to work and home. I have a full time job that does allow for overtime so that has been a blessing and is close to home just in case. I have a couple hundred dollars saved now but I’m not making enough with the cost of living and trying to get even one of the many repairs done on my car has felt so overwhelming. I kinda just stopped like the deer in headlights frozen not knowing if I should play dead or run like the wind!

In the midst of all this I am now going to be garnished 20% of my wages for one of the debts after my divorce (I have a couple more smaller ones) I was unable to pay on my own. I was on a payment plan with them last year and then my food stamps got cut off due to my higher paying job I switched from $14 hr wage to $21 an hour. I was not able to keep paying them and try to save. Then child support stopped due to my son turning 18 but still in school. So let’s just say I have learned how to cut corners to make it all work.

I had to stop paying my collections because I wasn't able to afford food or gas and I knew this would catch up to me. I have an obligation to pay per my contracts no matter my circumstances, so I had a choice to make.

I wasn’t planning on all of it hitting at once, no one ever is. I know how much the world and the people are hurting and struggling right now and so writing this feels a little selfish to me. Another thing I’m working on. Not feeling guilty when I’m struggling too.

So I have my car, a garnishment, and there is a medical situation in my family that is scaring me to my bones because I have no control.

So there is my unloading and unraveling. It’s not something I do and so you are reading this as many tears fall from my eyes in a very uncomfortable place to be and asking for help. I need help I don’t know where else to turn. The community I have found is so supporting and so amazing I was reminded of that today when I made my first call for help. I reached out to a very trusted safe and special woman to my heart and she asked me about doing this. I cried reading the text, thinking I just couldn’t do that……she said just go check out the site. And now here we are.

I am here humbling asking with an open heart and fighting my pride for some financial help to pay off this debt so that I won’t be garnished and some of the repairs for my car to keep her running until I can figure out plan B for transportation.

My sincere and loving gratitude for just reading my message and taking the time to feel this with me.

I love you all ❤️