PLEASE Help Nancy Fight for Justice

My name is Nancy,

It is nice to meet you. My story is longer than most but the details are important for you to understand my situation, the impact that emotional manipulation has had on my life, and why I need your help. It is not taken seriously enough.

I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus, Sjogrens Syndrome and fibromyalgia about 14 years ago. And I have battled severe depression since college. After I sought help, they diagnosed me with Bipolar 2 , Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, and severe anxiety with OCD tendencies. I was married 22 years. He was aware of my mental health struggled. Just as I knew how ambitious he was. We moved 5 x in the first 7 years of marriage for a step up for his career. I stopped looking for jobs in my field after the 4th Just part-jobs. He worked. And I handling moving and finding a place to live. I was ok with that. We were a team. Partners. I believe in him. Along with moving, I was having problems keeping a job because of depression. When the symptoms from the autoimmune diseases, pain from the fibromyalgia started emerging, I had to stop working even part-time or volunteering. My ex-husband said it didn't matter; anyway; I wasn't making enough to make a difference.

That's when something changed. He started making alot of money and I became invisible. I became someone who was given the privilege of living with him. My emotional and physical problems were mine to deal with

Emotional abuse is hard for a person to understand unless they have experienced it. You often don’t recognize it when you’re still in the relationship. Maybe because it has become normal for you. Or worse, you now believe it is all justified. Actions, words, indifference. Even after the relationship ends, the affects seep into other relationships. Ashamed because I feel I should be "over it" . Generally, if people can't see it, it isn't there.

Your confidence, self-esteem, feeling you are less of a person. I lost my self-respect, my identity. Now my physical health has taken a sharp turn. Especially the past 2 years. The conditions I have are all chronic. Issues have damaged my bones, joints, nervous system, my immune system is shot. When there are flare-ups Lumps attack what is left of it. I have had shingles 3x

We were married 22 years. I have been fighting for a future in court for 9 years since the divorce. The only thing I received from the divorce was a limited time of maintenance because of my health. No assets. Everything he was forced to give me went to 9 years of attorney fees. I am in a desperate situation And humiliated because I should have seen this comings. But love is blind. And it is hard to realize someone you love could think so little of you.

Last year I made a difficult decision to try and get my maintenance extended. If I can only get it extended until I can receive full social security benefits at 67. I sold everything I had left of value for a retainer. It has taken a long time to even put the motion together. I have been taking attorney fees from my monthly maintenance.

Last week we filed the motion and the court approved it to move on. A hearing will be scheduled. That is why I am here.

I am asking for your help to afford legal fees for a hearing. I have nothing left. Medical bills in collections, needed treatments, tests for new issues, unavoidable emergenccies bills have all ignored to pay attorney fees. But even doing this, a hearing won't be possible with all of the legal fees ahead. If I withdraw he will have won again. When I go to my grave I want to know I did everything I could to fight. He can't take my dignity.

The first signs of the diseases were few but intense. Extremely painful. Wet wraps at night because of the rash. Constant mouth sores. Everything hurt. My hair started thinning. No saliva was causing stomach issues. Lack of sleep and ability to get through my day to day life became difficult. My ex started traveling. After being gone for weeks, he went straight into his office or go out with friends. When I did go out with him, I started having panic attacks. I was either not dressed right or wearing too much makeup. I started putting makeup on and off, doing my hair over and over. The OCD just merged with panic. But then I would be late. This only brought more sarcasm and irritation. I ended up just feeling more guilty for not being perfect. Or that was something else I should be ashamed of.

And he was a completely different person in public. Especially around family and friends. You cannot talk to anyone because they will think you are exaggerating or making it up. "What a great guy he is!" Yet you want to believe what they say about him. And you think if you try hard enough, he will be like that at home.

My health has gone down hill rapidly in the past few years. Just this past year, so many issues have surfaced.

Any condition I had, has gotten worse. I need both knees replaced. Shoulder muscles torn up, disjointed. One shoulder then the other. Both now need to be replaced. My mobility is limited. My ability to heal from anything is affected. Fractures taking months to heal; severe arthritis throughout my body. My spine has been permanently damaged. Surgery is either too risky or will make the other worse. The Degenerative Disk Disease has advanced. Compressing nerves. Herniated discs in my cervical, thoracic, and lumbar area. Numbness, sharp pain, back spasms. My jaw does not function properly, with neck issues, cause migraines. Ambulances to the ER for peptic ulcers that will not heal, for neurological episodes. Suddenly not knowing where I was, unable to speak. Neck, arms, and legs kicking, jerking. My ability to focus, finish tasks even making simple decisions is frustrating. Doing things over and over, panic attacks, hypersensitivity and taking way to long to do something simple. Every joint aches and the bone loss can only lead to more fractures and breaks. Lack of saliva causing digestive issues. My saliva glands become infected, my tongue swells making speaking or chewing difficult without biting it. Gum infections, cysts, extractions, root canals done then redone because infections won’t heal. Bridges and crowns broken. My immune system is shot. Constant colds, the flu, sinus infections and I now have shingles for the third time. Rashes from heat and sun are worse. Dizziness and all of the injuries make it difficult to keep my balance. Falling, more trips to the ER for splitting my head open, concussions, torn muscles, bone contusions. Constant lab work because of blood variations. MRI’s. Lupus has exasperated my asthma. I used to be able to run, do pilates. Now walking my dog a few blocks becomes painful. But I do because its what gets me outside and makes my dog happy. Always short of breath, no stamina. I have tried so hard to keep my depression from taking over but it is not an easy task.

He has manipulated, lied his way through the legal system and gotten away with it.

He took my home, my past and my future. I do not recognize the person I have become. I feel as though he has succeeded in erasing me. It is all a game to him. Not because he does not have the resources, money, or time. Just because he can.

I will be grateful for anything. With your donation I can have a hearing that will be something my ex-husband cannot manipulate or lie his way through. It will be an Evidentiary hearing based on the facts of my health. Though this also means paying my doctors to testify or write sworn statements.

I will never be able to hold him accountable for what I lost. The imprint of feeling I was nothing but a problem. I have no assets. He controlled the money from the house. He dragged it out hoping I would run out. And I didn't deserve it even after 22 years of marriage.

When someone starts treating you like you do not matter, after a while you believe it. He was indifferent to my health symptoms. When he started making a substantial income, I became invisible. After his work, his friends became second priority. Not even sure I was on the list. I tried changing things. Anything. But I always needed to be the one to change.

I will be grateful for anything. The time is running out and withdrawing will only show I have given up. When I go to my grave, at least I will know I did everything I could. I won't let him take my dignity.

When we separated, I had no choice but to move out. He said it was easiest as he worked from home when he wasn't traveling. I wanted to take some of the furniture from the house, he just got angry. Made snide comments. Told me I could sit on boxes.

For the next 4 years he decided what I lived on. The only reason I was able to afford to file for a divorce was with the money my mother left me when she passed. At the divorce hearing, I found out his girlfriend and kids had been living with since the day I moved out. He had spent all the 401K money and remarried. Just without a license. All perfectly legal. He was awarded the house and everything in it. He had given me money for a security deposit, TV and mattress. The Judge thought this sufficient for a 5000sq.ft house. I renovated every room in that house myself. Hoping to prove I could contribute even if I wasn't bringing a paycheck home. Even then he either didn't like it, didn't notice or I wasn't finishing fast enough.

My portion of the equity was spread in monthly payments over 11 years. But immediately after the divorce decree was final, he stopped giving me anything. Not even what he had been before the divorce. Just a couple months of equity, that I lived on. When his wages were garnished, he stopped any equity payments. Attorney fees to file the 1st motion for Contempt with the court. A week before the date to appear in court he wanted us to withdraw the motion and come to an agreement. He agreed to pay a sum of equity he owed upfront.

Which went to my attorney. After the court date was cancelled, he stopped complying again. After giving my attorney that large chunk of money, I never heard from her again. Only bills. And my ex-husband said I didn't deserve any more money. There was nothing I could do. I had no more money. Just had to let him go on.

When I received an email saying I need to sign the deed to the house over to him. I needed help, so i sold my engagement ring to hire a new attorney. I found him through a friend. We filed a 2nd motion for Contempt. My ex-husband continued the cycle for 3 more motions for Contempt and 2 mediations. Asking to make an agreement to withdraw the motion. Then immediately not complying over and over. The spurts of equity required from him upfront went to my attorney. And he always refused to pay for them in addition to the house equity. All I could do was spend more to file another motion for Contempt. And he knew this.

Please help me fight to find some justice for my future. He finally fully complied last year. By this time there was nothing left from my portion of the equity left. He is now sole owner of a house now worth. I need to address my health. There is nothing for emergencies. My dog. Physically and mentally I need time without being afraid I won't have a home. It is about me this time. Not him. Whatever happened in the marriage is over I cannot do anything about it. The equity funds I lost, I will never get back. But I cannot survive without this maintenance. Any other resources have been checked and rechecked. I am on 11 medications. I love my car. I need my car. But it is 24 yrs old. Because of attorney fees it is sitting at the repair shop. I can't afford to fix it.

All I want is to be healthy enough to take care of my dog. She is my lifeline. And live somewhere I can be anonymous but not alone. Hear traffic, sirens, people going about their day to day lives. I have never nor will I ever expect to live the lifestyle he and his wife do. My dogs have always gotten me through breakdowns. My precious dog has a hard life. She deserves the best quality of life I can give her. What she gives me is worth more than anything.

I need a little light of hope. For me to live with my dog and know I can do the best I can to address my health. To have a future.

If anything, maybe my story will help those who feel trapped or will be able to recognize it before the damage is permanent. Emotional abuse is real. It is not normal. It isn’t anything you should feel you instigated. You are not the problem.

People need to know that just because they do not see it, it DOESN’T mean it is not there!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.

I hope it is worth your donation.

With Love and Gratitude,

Nanc