Help My Mom Find Her Light Again

This is the aftermath of an interrupted suicide by Amazon. I want all who have loved ones with psychiatric issues or a history of suicide ideation to be well aware of the reality that you can buy a recipe + all ingredients for a “painless” death for about $50 and have it delivered the next day—for free with Prime.

The last few years have been rocky with my mom. She was everything when I was younger. She was fun, silly, and took care of me in a way so that I knew I was her world. However, during my teenage years, I’ve witnessed the light in my mom’s eyes be stolen by an abuser.

My mom broke our family and our lives when she moved in with ****. Yes, his name had four letters, but your favorite exploitative term serves well here, too. He did things to my mom that made my growing body seethe with an anger I could not understand. I didn’t even know the details—she protected me from them even though I live with the tremendous guilt of not protecting her.

One day, my uncle was called to pick her up from the hospital and maybe just saved her life. She was saved again and again—brilliant yet equipped with terrible instincts, she constantly needs saving. I thought she finally found her savior in my stepdad Chauncey. She wrote me what she imagined to be her final words (and very well may be), that I was the one who has been her savior all these years and that her sole purpose must be to give me life because she was not fit for anything else. She told me that I was the best thing she’s done and will ever do.

Today, this is my mom. They say she’s awake, but her energy no longer exudes. She can’t even speak. Mom, I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. Mom, this is the first day of the rest of our lives. A day that I promise to do everything I can to bring the glimmer back to your eye.