Help My Children and Me Get Out of Survival Mode
0% complete
$565 raised of $25K
6 donations
Help My Children and Me Get Out of Survival Mode and Rebuild Our Lives
My name is Liz. I am a disabled mother of three, a licensed practical nurse who has kept my nursing license current, and the mother of an autistic homeschooled teenager.
For more than a decade, I have tried to hold my family together through disability, financial hardship, family court, medical problems, grief, trauma, housing instability, and the absence of any real support system.
I never imagined I would have to tell strangers this much about my life.
But I have reached a point where determination alone is no longer enough.
My children and I need help.
We need qualified legal representation. We need safer and more stable housing. I desperately need dental and medical treatment. My children have healthcare needs I cannot afford. We need reliable transportation, groceries and basic necessities, mental-health support, and enough financial stability to stop living from emergency to emergency.
I am not asking for a luxurious life.
I am asking for a functioning one.
I am asking for a chance to get healthy, become more financially independent, give my children some peace, and finally begin rebuilding instead of constantly trying to survive the next crisis.
My Children Have Carried More Than They Ever Should Have
I have three children.
My twins are young adults now, but they have already sacrificed far more than I ever wanted them to.
Instead of being able to focus only on school, college, careers, friendships, first apartments, travel and discovering who they wanted to become, they have worked and helped keep our family afloat.
They have watched me struggle physically and financially.
They have worried about bills.
They have gone without things.
They have changed plans and given up opportunities because our family needed them.
There is no way to adequately explain the guilt a mother feels watching her children sacrifice pieces of their own futures because they know there is nobody else coming to help.
My daughter works incredibly hard, yet much of what she earns has gone toward helping our family survive rather than building a life for herself.
She also has healthcare needs that I cannot properly address.
She has concerns involving her heart and scoliosis, along with newer neurological symptoms that need evaluation. She needs an MRI that could cost approximately $4,000 out of pocket, alone.
The day my twins turned 21, their previous military health coverage ended. Continuing young-adult military coverage became another expense we simply could not afford.
My oldest son moved to Minnesota to begin building a life for himself when I moved him there in August of 2024.
I am proud of how hard he works, but it hurts knowing that I cannot help him with some of the basic things a parent wants to help a young adult child with, including dependable transportation so he can continue getting to work.
My youngest son is autistic and homeschooled.
Routine, safety and stability matter enormously for him.
Instead, he has grown up watching his mother fight one crisis after another.
My children deserve better from this world.
They deserve to breathe.
They deserve to be young.
They deserve to build their own futures without constantly wondering whether Mom is okay.
I Want to Be the Mother My Twins Remember
My twins remember a different version of me.
They remember the mother who was social, energetic, outgoing, funny, confident and ready to handle whatever needed to be done.
My youngest was very little when my health and circumstances began changing.
I am not sure he even remembers that version of me.
I want him to meet her.
I want to become the kick-butt mom my twins remember and my youngest deserves to know.
I want my children to see my light come back.
I want my youngest to see his mother truly smile.
He was so young when my teeth began deteriorating that I do not think he even remembers how my smile used to look.
I want my children to see me triumph while I am still here to show them.
My Dental Health Has Become a Serious Problem
I live with multiple sclerosis, but one of the things frightening me most right now is my dental health.
My teeth have deteriorated badly.
I have experienced infections in my mouth severe enough that my face has swollen upward toward my eyes.
I have photographs documenting those episodes.
I am frightened by recurring dental infection, especially while already living with a chronic neurological illness.
This is not simply about wanting prettier teeth.
I need a healthy mouth.
I need to be able to eat normally.
I need to stop dealing with recurring infections.
I need to be able to smile and speak without immediately wondering whether someone is looking at my teeth.
Losing my smile has taken much more from me than I ever expected.
I used to be social.
I used to perform.
I laughed without thinking about my mouth.
I interacted with people confidently.
As my teeth deteriorated, I withdrew more and more.
Being photographed became humiliating.
Being on camera became something I avoided.
Social situations became harder.
Even opportunities to earn income became harder because I was embarrassed to be seen.
I want treatment so I can regain my health and confidence and concentrate properly on my multiple sclerosis care again.
I do not want perfection.
I want function.
I want health.
I want to eat.
I want to smile.
I want to live again.
Sometimes I Could Not Even Stay and Receive the Medical Care I Needed. I even couldn’t buy supplements over the counter that my doctors suggested I needed and more.
One of the hardest parts of raising my children with virtually no physical support has been what it has done to my healthcare.
Even when healthcare was available, there were times when I could not realistically receive it because there was nobody available to care for my children. And thus no one to help take care of me and help me recover. Or drive me to and from said appointments or possible procedures.
Before my twins were old enough to safely stay home on their own, getting medical treatment often meant asking a terrifyingly simple question:
Who will take care of my children while I am gone?
Too often, the answer was no one.
Last year I was hospitalized and needed care, but I could not stay as long as I felt I needed to.
My daughter needed to go to work, and there was nobody else available to stay with my youngest son.
I begged to be allowed to come home because I had to get back to my child.
That is what having no village has looked like.
It has meant postponing appointments.
Ignoring symptoms.
Leaving care earlier than I wanted.
Trying to recover while continuing to parent.
Putting my own health last because there was simply no backup person available to take my place.
There were years when even if I had been able to afford every treatment I needed, I still would have struggled to receive it because I had nobody to stay with my children.
For most of my children’s lives, I have been the person everyone depended on.
There has rarely been anyone available when I was the one who needed care.
I Still Keep My Nursing License Because I Have Always Hoped I Could Come Back
Before multiple sclerosis changed my life, I worked as a licensed practical nurse.
I loved nursing.
I worked hard for that license, as I put myself through the one year of college when my twins were 4years old and I was almost 30. and even though I have been unable to work the way I once did, I have continued keeping it current.
Part of me has always believed that maybe someday I could return in some capacity.
I miss it.
I miss contributing financially.
I miss caring for people.
I miss feeling productive and independent.
If my health and dental problems were stabilized, I would like to pursue work-from-home nursing opportunities or limited work compatible with my disability if I am physically able.
I want that chance.
I do not want permanent dependence.
I want the opportunity to become as financially independent as my health allows.
I Have Tried to Find Every Way I Could to Earn More
I have also tried to create income from home.
I became a TikTok Shop affiliate.
I have explored affiliate marketing, digital products, social media, online businesses and other side hustles that could potentially work around disability, homeschooling and caregiving responsibilities.
I am still trying.
But building reliable income takes time, consistency and resources, and it is extremely difficult to build anything when almost every day is spent dealing with another emergency.
I need enough stability to stop constantly putting out fires and start building something sustainable.
Family Court Has Been a Major Part of Our Financial Collapse
A major part of our situation involves a longstanding South Carolina family-court case with my former husband involving child support, alimony, insurance obligations, reimbursements and enforcement of previous court orders.
According to my records, JUST the child support and alimony currently owed totals approximately:
$40,631.85.
That number represents much more than money.
A payment that does not arrive becomes groceries that cannot be purchased.
A medical appointment postponed.
A car repair ignored.
Dental treatment delayed another month.
A utility bill carried forward.
Another debt.
Another sacrifice.
Had the support ordered for our family been received consistently over the years, I believe my children’s lives and mine would look dramatically different today.
I cannot change those years.
I can only try to change what happens next.
I Need an Attorney Who Understands Military and Veterans Issues
I desperately need an attorney.
But I do not simply need any family-law attorney.
My case includes military and veterans-related benefits and terminology, including issues involving VA disability compensation, SSDI, TRICARE, military-family coverage and other benefits.
I need a South Carolina family-law attorney who understands how military and veterans issues intersect with family court.
Someone who understands the terminology.
Someone who can review more than a decade of records and see the entire picture.
Someone who can determine what the law actually allows me to pursue.
There have been court orders involving support and insurance obligations AND OTHER FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS.
I contend that many of those obligations were not consistently fulfilled.
During these years, I continued paying substantial dental and vision insurance expenses involving our family, including coverage involving my estranged husband and our children.
Meanwhile, my own dental condition deteriorated dramatically.
I have court orders, payment records, insurance information, correspondence, photographs and other paperwork supporting the circumstances I describe.
I am not asking people on the internet to decide who is legally right or wrong.
That is exactly why I need a qualified attorney.
I want the records reviewed.
I want the evidence properly presented.
I want existing orders examined.
I want someone who understands the law standing beside me instead of continuing to fight alone.
Legal Representation Has Been Difficult to Maintain
I have had attorneys at different points.
My experience with my first attorney left me feeling that I had not been properly protected or represented.
Later, during the COVID era, another attorney I worked with decided he no longer wanted to practice family law.
Since then, much of the responsibility for navigating this complicated case has fallen back on me.
Trying to manage litigation while disabled, homeschooling an autistic teenager, caring for my family and trying to survive financially is no longer realistic.
I need professional help.
One of my goals is to finally be able to divorce and build a life that is not dependent on whether another person follows through financially.
I want independence.
I want to close this chapter of my life.
Our Financial Safety Net Is Gone
I worked hard to build good credit.
That credit eventually allowed me to purchase our vehicle and gave me access to credit cards that became a last-resort safety net during emergencies.
Over time, those cards were used to pay for necessities.
Groceries.
Household expenses.
Bills.
Transportation.
Basic things my family needed when there simply was not enough cash coming in.
Now the cards are maxed out.
I no longer even have that option.
There is no remaining credit available to bridge the gap when something goes wrong.
My credit has been badly damaged because I simply cannot keep up anymore.
I am behind on the car payment as well as other bills that don’t stop coming each month.
The car payment alone is approximately $408 per month.I owe a little over $4,500 on my car loan before it’s paid off. The car insurance and taxes keep coming.
If I could get the vehicle paid off, that alone would free approximately $408 every month for groceries, utilities, medical care and other necessities.
Our functioning vehicle also needs repairs I cannot currently afford.
We have another vehicle that is not operational.I just need help determining how to get it going. This would give me a way to get around without having to disrupt my daughter’s work and little time she has off.
Without dependable transportation, everything becomes harder.
Medical appointments.
Work.
Groceries.
Emergencies.
Homeschooling activities.
Everything.
For years I survived by borrowing from tomorrow.
Now there is nothing left to borrow.
Sometimes Basic Necessities Are Difficult
There are times I cannot afford the groceries my family truly needs, including meat and other basic foods. Especially since Covid.
There are household necessities that get postponed because there simply is not enough money.
I calculate everything.
Food.
Gas.
Medicine.
Utilities.
Car payments.
Insurance.
Every unexpected expense can become a crisis.
I do not want to spend every second of every day worrying about money.
I want enough stability to think beyond the next bill.
We Need a Safer and More Stable Home.
Our current living situation is not somewhere I want my family to remain permanently.
I desperately want to move my children into a safer and more suitable home.
I do not dream of a mansion.
I dream of security.
A home where my autistic son can have stability and routine.
A home where my daughter can come home from work and simply be a young woman instead of feeling responsible for holding the family together.
A home where my adult children know they always have somewhere safe to return.
A home where we can hang pictures, celebrate holidays and stop wondering what happens next.
I want a forever home.
A place where my children can finally say:
This is home. We are safe here.
The Kindness of Strangers Has Already Kept Us Going
This is difficult to admit, but it is true.
If it were not for the kindness of strangers and a small number of people who know us personally, I believe my children and I could have ended up homeless.
There have been times when people online stepped in when I had nowhere else to turn.
Social media even helped me provide my children with some kind of Christmas during a time when I could not have done it by myself. Even provided me much needed disability aid to help make daily living easier for me.
Those experiences changed me.
They reminded me that there are still genuinely good people in this world.
I will never forget the people who helped us.
And if I become stable again, one of the things I want most is to pay that kindness forward.
Someday I want to see another scared mother saying, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” and be able to say:
“I’ve been there. Let me help.”
I Have Almost No Village
Both of my parents died within six months of each other, almost 3 years ago. They were the only grandparents my children knew and were actively a big part of their lives for the majority of their lives.
The grief alone from losing them nearly broke me and have rocked my children. They got the best of my parents.
Family conflict surrounding their deaths also meant that the inheritance I had expected might someday provide my family with some stability did not come to me.
My safety net disappeared.
There are no parents for me to call.
There is no family home waiting for us.
There is no relative standing behind me saying, “If everything falls apart, we’ve got you.”
One of the few people who has consistently helped me is a dear friend who lives in New Jersey.
She has done more for my family than I can ever adequately explain.
If I become financially stable again, I would love to repay some of her kindness, even though she has never helped us expecting anything in return.
I want the chance to give again instead of always being the person who needs help.
Trauma Has Taken a Heavy Toll
I have survived sexual assault.
I have survived domestic violence.
I survived a traumatic and chaotic childhood in which adults should have protected me and often did not.
I have lived through addiction affecting people I loved.
I have lived military-family life.
I became a nurse.
I became a mother.
I developed multiple sclerosis.
I became disabled.
I have lived through family court, financial instability, grief, caregiving and years of accumulated trauma.
I live with complex PTSD and major depressive disorder, and a host of other medical conditions and I have gone without the mental-health treatment I need.
For years, mental healthcare became another thing pushed to the bottom of the list behind rent, food, my children’s healthcare and everything else.
But I cannot keep doing that.
I need help mentally and emotionally too.The body doesn’t forget mentally what you have been through.
I want treatment.
I want healthy ways to cope again.
I want to stop functioning permanently in fight or flight,emergency mode.
I Thought I Was Going to Break the Cycle
I grew up believing that if I ever had children, the cycle would stop with me.
They would not experience the chaos I experienced.
They would not know fear the way I did.
They would not have to grow up too quickly.
When tragedy and instability reached them anyway, I felt like I had failed at the one thing that mattered most.
But I am trying to understand something now.
Maybe breaking the cycle does not mean your children never witness hardship.
Maybe sometimes it means they get to witness what you do next.
Maybe they get to watch their mother ask for help.
Get treatment.
Rebuild.
Create stability.
Become independent.
Learn healthier ways to live.
And refuse to let trauma write the ending.
That is what I want my children to witness now.
I Want Everything I Have Survived to Mean Something
There are experiences in my life I would never have chosen.
But if I cannot change what happened to me, I can choose what I eventually do with it.
My experiences with sexual assault, domestic violence, nursing, multiple sclerosis, disability, single motherhood, military life, family court, caregiving, grief and trauma have given me perspectives I wish I had never needed.
Someday, I want to use them to help other people.
I want another woman sitting alone at 2 a.m. believing her life is over to find my story and realize that maybe hers is not.
I want another disabled mother to feel seen.
I want another survivor to know that being exhausted does not make her weak.
I want military families who feel forgotten to know someone understands.
I want people living with chronic illness to know that losing the life you expected does not mean you can never build another one.
I want to advocate.
I want to create.
I want to help.
I want to give back
I want my children to see that everything we survived eventually became something more than pain.
Please Do Not Let Politics Stop You From Seeing My Family
I also want to say something openly.
I have opinions.
I am passionate about certain issues, and sometimes I am vocal about them.
My experiences with healthcare, trauma, disability, nursing, military life and raising my children have shaped many of my beliefs.
I know that not everyone reading this will agree with me politically or socially.
You do not have to.
I only ask that disagreement with me does not become a reason to decide my children are undeserving of compassion and a chance or a win.
I am not perfect.
I have been wrong before.
I will be wrong again.
But I know what is in my heart.
I want people to be safe.
I want children protected.
I want survivors supported.
I want families to receive healthcare.
I want struggling people to get another chance.
I want the best for people, even when we do not see everything the same way.
I hope people can extend that same grace to my family.
What Donations Would Help With
Money raised would be used toward:
* Retaining a South Carolina family-law attorney experienced with military and veterans issues
* Legal fees, court costs, records and discovery
* Comprehensive dental treatment and addressing recurring infections
* Restoring enough dental function for me to eat, speak and smile comfortably
* Restarting and maintaining appropriate care for my multiple sclerosis
* Mental-health treatment
* My daughter’s MRI and other necessary healthcare
* Healthcare expenses for my children
* Securing safer and more stable housing
* Deposits and moving expenses
* Catching up on or paying down our vehicle
* Necessary vehicle repairs
* Reliable transportation
* Groceries and essential household necessities
* Stabilizing urgent debts accumulated while paying ordinary living expenses
* Giving my children enough breathing room to begin building their own futures
I intend to be as transparent as reasonably possible about how donations are used.
I have photographs, medical information, court paperwork, insurance documents and financial records supporting many of the circumstances I describe.
At the same time, I will protect my children’s privacy and sensitive information.
What Success Would Really Look Like
Success for me is not simply reaching a fundraising number.
Success would be my children sleeping at night without worrying about whether we are going to have a roof over our heads.
Success would be my daughter being able to spend the money she earns on her own future.
Success would be my son in Minnesota knowing his family is okay so he can concentrate on building his life.
Success would be my youngest child having routine, stability and a mother with enough health and energy to be fully present again.
Success would be getting the medical care I need before another crisis.
Success would be being able to stay in the hospital if my medical team believes I need to instead of begging to leave because nobody is available to care for my child.
Success would be having an attorney beside me in court.
Success would be a working car.
Food in the refrigerator.
Bills paid.
A little savings.
A safe home.
A little peace.
And success would be my youngest child finally seeing his mother smile again.
What I Want More Than Anything
I do not want my children spending their twenties rescuing me.
I want them building careers.
Traveling.
Falling in love.
Making friends.
Going to school if they choose.
Discovering who they are.
I want them to be themselves.
I want them to breathe easy.
I want to be able to look at all three of them and say:
“Go build your lives. Mom is okay.”
I want to be healthy enough to work again in whatever capacity I can.
I want to use the nursing license I have continued maintaining because I never completely gave up hope.
I want to smile.
I want to eat normally.
I want to laugh.
I want to be social.
I want to love.
I want to create things.
I want to help people.
I want to live intentionally instead of spending every day reacting to emergencies.
I want my children to be proud of me.
I want them to see me rise again.
If You Cannot Donate, Please Share Our Story
I understand that many people are struggling.
If you cannot donate, please consider sharing this fundraiser.
A share could be just as important as money.
I especially hope this reaches:
* A South Carolina family-law attorney experienced with military and veterans issues
* A law firm willing to consider reduced-fee or pro bono representation
* Military-family or veterans advocates
* A dentist, oral surgeon, dental school or charitable dental organization
* Multiple sclerosis organizations
* Mental-health organizations
* Disability advocates
* Housing organizations
* Healthcare charities
* Vehicle assistance programs
* Businesses willing to donate goods or professional services
* Journalists or advocates interested in family-court issues
* People with large social-media platforms willing to share our story
* Anyone who knows someone who may be able to help with one piece of this
No single person has to solve everything.
One person may know the attorney.
Someone else may know a dentist.
Someone may know a housing organization.
Another person might know someone who can repair a vehicle.
Someone else might give $5.
Someone may simply share this to the exact person who needs to see it.
Every piece matters.
I Don’t Want Survival to Be the Only Thing My Children Inherit From Me
My children have watched me survive things I wish they had never had to see.
Now I want them to watch me rebuild.
I want them to see that falling apart does not have to be the end of the story.
I want them to see their mother’s light come back.
I want them to watch me rediscover the nurse, the friend, the outgoing woman, the mother who laughed easily, and the woman who still believed there was something good waiting ahead.
And if I am fortunate enough to stand on the other side of this someday, I want to reach backward toward someone standing where I am now and say:
“I know you’re drowning. Take my hand.”
I cannot undo everything my children have experienced.
I cannot give them back every opportunity they sacrificed.
But I can still fight for what comes next.
I can ask for help.
I can get treatment.
I can rebuild.
I can become independent.
I can create a stable home.
I can turn survival into purpose.
And maybe one day my children will look back at this moment not as the point when everything fell apart, but as the point when everything finally began to change.
For now, I have to do one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I have to ask.
Please help my children and me get out of survival mode.
Help me get healthy.
Help me obtain qualified legal representation.
Help us find a safe and stable home.
Help my children get the healthcare they need.
Help me become financially independent.
Help me give my children back the parts of their young lives they have spent worrying about mine.
And help me show them that their mother’s light is still here.
Thank you for reading our story.
Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you to everyone who has already helped keep us standing.
And thank you for giving my children and me a chance to begin again.
Organizer
