Help Miriam get bottom surgery!

Hello everyone! 

My name is Miriam August Laughlin, and I am a transgender woman. I have created this gofundme to help pay for the surgery that will give me the most relief from my dysphoria, vaginoplasty.  I'm sure you're wondering, "Why should I help you? I don't even know you?" so let me share my story. 


My story:


I was born on January 20th, 1994 in Indianapolis, Indiana. My parents were Gd fearing, rural Indiana folk. I was incredibly unexpected, and was definitely not planed like my two brothers were. My mother, who is progressive in some ways, would give me "girl toys" like baby dolls, dress up, barbies, and play kitchens because she wanted to make sure I knew how to "treat and respect girls". Once I got to the age where it was no longer acceptable, I made due by playing with my cousin's toys or making things up myself.  I was a delicate child, and I didn't really enjoy playing rough like boys tend to do.

Once I started to go through puberty, I felt so embarrassed by the changes that were happening, not in the normal teenage way, but in a "these changes make me feel terrible about myself". My guy friends, when they noticed something, would congratulate and praise the changes that was happening, while I continued to be mortified. But, I learned to deal with it and continued to repress the reasons why. I remember spending many nights wishing things would be different so I could look like those scene girls with the colored hair and fishnets, and wanting desperately to dress up as the characters from the anime I related to the most for conventions with my friends. Had I known that being trans was a thing then, I probably would have realized sooner.

I entered The University of Akron as a music performance major in 2013, and met someone who would start my gender journey.  In 2015, it finally clicked for me that I was not cisgendered. I was at work, and the thought struck me that I wasn't a boy. As you can probably imagine, that was an anxiety filled shift for me. I remember calling one of my best friends after work, and confessing to her my anxieties. She calmed me down, expressed how she feels about her own gender, and I put it on the back-burner and tried not to think about it. That year was one of the hardest years for me, and I ended up transferring universities to the University of North Carolina School of the Arts(UNCSA). This was the most important move I could have made for many reasons, but mostly for the autonomy and clarity I got while I was there. Because of how the school empowered their students to "express their inner artist", I slowly began to unravel into someone I was pretty happy to be. I felt free to like traditionally feminine things, like makeup. I learned how to look inside myself, and figure out what I wanted to say with my art. Eventually, that transferred over into my gender in August of 2018, when I finally confessed to my Non-Binary friend I worked with that summer how I was feeling with my gender. They, to no surprise to me, had been placing bets with our friend to see how long it would take me for me to realize this. I came out to some people as Non-Binary, mostly out of fear of anything farther from where I started. I started wearing makeup to classes, albeit not very well.


However, that still wasn't quite right. I started to do a lot of research at this time, listening and learning what other trans women went through. I remember watching YouTubers like Stef Sanjati, Stacy Fatemi, and Riley J. Dennis, and relating to how they described their experience. It all came to fruition leading up to my cousins wedding a few days after Christmas. My non-binary friend and our other friend came to visit me before Christmas Eve, and had me watch a speech by the iconic film maker, Lana Wachowski. This speech resonated with me, and opened a lot of inner dialogue for me. I then went to my cousin's wedding, and had an incredibly hard time being in the role that was expected of me. Once I left his wedding, I accepted that I was a girl. 

I came out at school and work on January 22nd, 2019, two days after my senior flute recital and birthday. Because UNCSA is such a warm place for me, It was incredibly easy. My friends and professors all accepted me with open arms. I went through my graduate auditions, and came out to the professors afterwards. As a graduation gift, I started Hormone Replacement Therapy on May 8th, 2019, 4 days after I graduated. I moved to Boise, Idaho, to start graduate school at Boise State University. I came out to my parents in September of 2019, which went as well as one would expect when you have Gd fearing conservative parents. They still love me, but do not support me in my gender. I started laser hair removal in September, and will hopefully switch to electrolysis once things open up again. I will be moving back to North Carolina so I can continue my masters at a place that is more accepting for me, UNCSA.


Surgery details and why I need it:


I have never liked the genitals that developed for me. Once I started to go through puberty, I honestly just avoided that area all together. I never really got a good look of it until college(you'd think that would've been a red flag lol). Once I learned what vaginoplasty was, and that it was something that I could possibly get one day, I was relieved but also filled with a little dread. Not only is this surgery scary, but it is pretty expensive. I am thankful that I discovered Stacy Fatemi, because they calmed a lot of my fears because of their whole series on vaginoplasty(Check Stac out here ). My struggle with sexuality, that has been on my mind since I was 15, is directly related to my bottom dysphoria. I am unable to feel sexual feelings or desires because of the genitals that developed. Every time I have tried to explore and express my own sexuality, even before I realized I was trans, was very quickly blocked and usually left me in a depressed state for a few days. Now that I have come out, it has made my personal safety an issue due to the violence that happens to trans people. I don't really own many clothes, and don't even attempt to wear a lot of things because of how terrible it makes me feel. Tucking, while actually comfortable for me, is nowhere close to the same thing. Being on HRT for a year has given me a lot more comfort looking in the mirror at myself but until I get bottom surgery, I am still going to be unhappy.

I am asking for financial support from you, because this is not something I am able to do myself. Being a full time college student, I am unable to work enough hours to get insurance that will cover this kind of surgery OR be able to work enough to save. It would take me years to get the amount needed, and I want to be able to live my life freely as soon as I am able. I am wanting to get my vaginoplasty done at The Crane Center in Austin, Texas, under Dr. Crane, Dr. Santucci, or Dr. DeLeon. Because I do not have enough money at this moment in time, I do not have a date for the surgery, however it will be updated once I have a date.  Coming out for me was one of the best things I could have done for myself, and I appreciate any assistance with this process, emotional or monetary. Thank you so much for listening to my story. If you do not donate, I hope you donate to someone else who needs it, whether it is another transgender person or someone needing another procedure done.

With much love,

Mira