Help me to get to the next step

Hello My name is Liam and I’m unsure if you’ve heard my story but this is how it goes.

In 2009 I was a foster kid in a foster home, in foster care due to my birth mother having chronic depression and other illnesses, meaning she was unable to look after me.

I’m not completely sure how long i was in foster care for but it was roughly 2 - 2 1/2 years. Towards the end of my time there I got 3rd degree chest burns landing me in hospital for around 3 months. These were caused by a shower head attached to the bath tap, causing boiling water to shoot out over my chest and lower back as I tried to protect myself. The water well over boiling due to the absence of a thermostat. The fostercarer heard my screams from downstairs and rushed up too the bathroom. Doctors saying they were potentially life threatening injuries and I was to be put on inhalers for the following 6yrs and apply cream daily.

I would later be dismissed from hospital and return to the foster home for a few more months until my adoptive parents would take me in. I will publicly say their names Rita and John McCollam.

I was very anxious after that incident at the foster home and let’s put it lightly lost my faith in grown ups. My parents were just you ordinary parents at first a well respected and well spoken of family. I don’t remember my earliest of years very well but I know it was pretty ok and safe until I was around 5. At roughly this age I started school at St Mary’s primary school, this is when the abuse and neglect began. From being locked in my room for hours or for a full day. From being beaten till I curled up in a little ball while I prayed for it to stop. Either way I was defenseless, my father a well built man standing at about 6ft 4inch and over 100kg used his size and strength, to physically, mentally and verbally intimidate me and downsize me. I often asked him what I could do better because I was often very confused and wanted to make my parents proud, he said just be better and do better. So I did try that but again I’d end up beat and hopeless yet again he’d say the same thing over and over again. He would then say I was never going to be like other kids and I was nothing.

Back to the topic of school I struggled to make friends as a result of this I was now a very scared, on the edge, afraid, closed of kid who had a very scary home life awaiting him everyday after school. This probably explains why I had anger outbursts (when youve so many emotions and frustration being built up and no other way to output it)I was just a little kid with nobody to talk, I’d already been through hell and thought that this new home would be a safe place.

I moved school to Glennan, which Is a school I can only speak the highest of with one amazing principal who I will forever respect.

The abuse got worse around this stage with slapping becoming hitting, kicking and punching followed by holding me by the neck and downsizing me till the point of mental breakdown.

I went to a counselor around this time for the first time, a lovely woman supposedly for anger management because my parents being the psychopaths they are thought they were doing nothing wrong and were never the problem. I sat and looked at volcanoes for hours and thought It was all really silly and laughed because I was being told to not erupt like a volcano but to let out steam.

I never mentioned the abuse with this counselor because I was quite sure that she wouldn’t believe me and that my parents would be questioned (for legal reasons) if it was true or not. This would give my dad enough time to make me retract my statement mostly by physical threats or manipulation.

The Years passed the abuse got worse and worse I became more and more depressed still struggling with low self confidence and anxiety. I struggled to make freinds and never thought I was good enough. The abuse happened most days in particular weekdays I would arrive home from school and go upstairs to get changed and do homework, I would then hear my dad pull into the driveway then get out of the van and go to the door of the house and then come inside, this would be followed by my mum and dad chatting about their day, I would then hear my mum complain about something I may of apparently did that day and make a huge fuss out of it and push my dad to take action and when my dad took action it was normally physical violence, he would proceed to come up to my room after their discussion tell me off and no matter if I remained silent, spoke back or agreed with him he would always physically harm me, it would depend on how far my mum had pushed him.

Skip forward 2022 December, this is the second darkest Christmas of my life a month before my dad left home, he locked me out of the house in joggers and a t-shirt in the snow with temperatures being -2 for around 5hrs.

I was freezing and had many thoughts of dieing that evening due to many of the things he said

He would Leave on the 16th of January 2023 and this was one of the happiest days of my life.

My mum would soon fall into a bitter depression and would be very unstable. I was at this time completing my second year of GCSES’s and had to study while looking after her depressed, screaming and crying most days after school. While cooking, revising and doing my daily exercises. It was a very mentally unsafe place to be. My mum at this stage blamed much of the abuse on me saying it was my fault and I wasn’t an easy kid my sister supported her on this (this was to keep themselves so what protected as they knew I’d talked about going to the police once or twice before). When she said things like this it made the atmosphere increasingly uneasy. I would struggle through to Christmas 2023 where I was at the lowest point of my life, heavily depressed, exhausted and couldn’t stick her anymore.

I got a counselor and began talking about all the abuse that had occurred over the last 12yrs (I have to say shes one of the most amazing woman I know). We started talking and all those years of holding it in and having no one to talk to, were finally gone. Myself and her constructed a PLAN A and PLAN B because I knew I couldn’t live with Rita much longer it was having to much of an impact on my mental and physical wellbeing.

So we did just that, PLAN A trying to live at home and show my mum the truth which she’d never seen or understood and been oblivious to. Then the PLAN B was moving out but where too was still out of the question.

Amongst this my counselor contacted her supervisor to let them know about the abuse and the necessary action to be taken, (which was the police being alerted).

The months went by home life becoming more and more unstable my mum guilt tripping daily and blaming it all on me. Already at this stage threatening to kick me out as I spoke of the truth and she was afraid of it and therefore used her favorite tactic guilt tripping.

She also had my PIP and adoption allowance to herself which she used to fund 3 holidays over the summer of 2024 (my parents never really bought be much only at Christmas time i had two pairs of shoes one bought by myself and a two year old beaten up pair, most of my clothes a size too small. They were given an adoption allowance or £1000 per month for my needs but I rarely seen any of it.

So it was May/June and I had my first meeting with the police investigators in an interrogation room and told them my story and both my mum and dad’s parts. I was at home after this for about 3 weeks until my mum requested the documents which stated what I told the investigators. She seen that I mentioned her name in the abuse she decided to kick me out as she was only happy I was going to the police if I only talked about my dad.

I moved to a single room apartment in July and remained there to September with very limited contact with my mum. I returned in July for another interview with the investigators ensuring I had all the information necessary.

School started again in September and went good until about October were I slowly lost motivation this was due to not being able to sleep on school nights for whatever reasons I’m unsure. I stopped contact with my mum in November and Sister December, (I had told my sister the only way our bond was going to be maintained if we didn’t talk about our parents within the bond, and what we said stayed between us, she went against this and told my mum things I’d only specifically told her,

My mum would then a week later trespass my property after I told her to not come in and leave the parcel at the door 10 times, followed by her knocking the door 10 times and proceeded to open the door and come inside unloading things I told my sister and lots of other questions. I told her if she ever done it again I would call the police. I’m now currently in a rented accommodation in Cushendall, rented by the trust until June after this I will be homeless, I’m hoping to raise funds to allow me to move to Ballymena and allow my gym journey to grow and allow me to socialize a lot more. I currently only have enough for food monthly from my PIP and any extra would be going towards finding somewhere to rent

I am currently doing well mentally, but this is just quite a stressful and unpredictable time.

Thank you - Liam