Help Me Rebuild My Life and Regain Independence

My name is Eric, and I’m reaching out today for help during one of the worst weeks/months of my life.

In April, my Mom passed away at the age of 54. She was my best friend, my biggest supporter, and somebody I knew I could always count on. We talked every day, and we shared so many interests. She was really one of the few people I felt really knew me and I could talk to. A week before that, we unfortunately had to say goodbye to our family dog, who my Wife had for 14 years, since she was 16.

Life has felt like it has been dealing blow after blow. The grief from losing my mom is still very real, and it's unfortunately now being made worse by an increasingly unstable & distressing home situation. My marriage has reached a breaking point, and I'm now in a position where I need to find a way to stand on my own feet and create a safe, stable space for myself to heal and rebuild.

For the last long while, I have been depressed. My previous job as an ambulance communications officer unfortunately fell through because I had to deal with an extremely traumatic call and unfortunately my anxiety took over. Since then, things with my Mom and my family seem to have just kept spiralling, and it has left me extremely vulnerable.

My Wife (who was very very close to my Mother and spent a lot of her time with her over at my Moms house and was very involved in her treatment), dealing with her own grief, unfortunately turned to my step-father (my Moms husband) for comfort after my Moms passing, and it has only gotten out of control - to the point where I have found her in his bed. I have felt completely emotionally neglected by my entire family. I got upset at the situation, and now she is demanding a divorce and I feel like I am being estranged from everybody in my life. I am no longer welcome there.

For the last little while since I've been dealing with my anxiety/depression financially dependent on my Wife, who was on ODSP (disability). I have been in and out of the Doctors constantly over the last 6 months dealing with my depression and anxiety and I have tried several medications now. I have been in counselling.

My Wife always told me she was supportive, and we were able to get by with the amount we got, but with it being her income, she was the one in control of it. When I worked, we still were living very tightly within our means as her ODSP would be scaled with my income. She controlled the money and we never had a joint income. It never felt like we could get ahead.

My wife is now living at my stepfathers house, my own family home, where I watched my Mother pass. I was not invited to accompany them to visit my Mothers grave with them on the day that marked 1 month since her death. My Wife and I shared a vehicle, because my car has had mechanical problems that we haven't been able to afford for what has felt like a year now. I am being locked out of their home, and I am now being left to fend for myself. I don't know how long the internet, hydro, or phones will stay connected, as all of it is controlled by my Wife who is now completely ignoring me.

In the end, all that matters to me is that I am able to stay a part of my little girls' life. She and my Wife meant the world to me, but if I can't have them both, I need to make sure I get myself to a position of strength where I can at least have my daughter in my life. Right now, I am dealing with the worst crisis I have ever faced, and I really need help clawing my way out and finding my independence again.

Life as I know it is falling apart around me, and I really have no idea how things could look a year from now. The thought of not being a part of my Daughter's every day life is breaking my heart, but it's clear I need to take time to focus on my mental health and myself now, and that I am truly alone.

I seriously appreciate any help you may be able to provide. It really will help me so much in getting myself back to a position of strength for my Daughter, and help me get my life back on track after this nightmare of a year has me feeling like I have nothing left.