My dearest friends, this is the hardest and most vulnerable thing I have ever done publicly. I recently lost my source of income at the worst possible time, and on top of that, my car is on its last legs. I often don't talk about the darker side of AuADHD—the intense, severe anxiety that causes dysregulation, skill regression, and shutdown. The amount of work, energy, and effort it takes to regulate my body and calm my system with minimal physical support has been exhausting, all while managing a deep sense of loss and mourning the routine I once had. I am doing my best to get by and trying not to show it so I don't have a public, embarrassing meltdown. I do not live near family, nor are we close enough that they actively check up on me; the 'out of sight, out of mind' reality brings up a deep loneliness I navigate daily, and I have had to accept these estranged, loose bonds. There is a deep need for a safe and reliable vehicle to drive to potential job leads, church, and community gatherings on my own terms, honoring my system. Since I have to manage by reducing anxiety-inducing situations, I cannot handle the stress of public transportation—the sensory dysregulation and hyperventilation on top of trying to feel safe at the same time. I have been relying on rides with others, but driving myself is crucial so I can gauge my energy levels and honor my internal social battery, leaving when I need to.

Through all this, I have been grateful to do all I can myself and with some help. Now, however, I am at the end of what I can do. It has become dicey to choose between gas and food, rent, car insurance, and phone bills. I am left with my last five dollars. While dealing with this survival mode and emotional dysregulation, I am trying to keep my head above water while searching for something solid. I am doing my best, and it is extremely hard for me to be public about needing assistance and to be vulnerable about my internal struggles while trying to stay positive during breakdowns. My heart can only pray and hold the intention that I can raise enough to get a reliable vehicle and pay my rent. My current car, on its last legs, will make it harder for me to get around and stay consistent in my community and church, which have been my life raft in these grueling months. I do not want to be in isolation if I can get around; I have been there before. Even though I am experiencing some dark moments, I always look forward to driving to church and connecting while I work on my social skills and volunteering. Please help me stay on this life raft until I can land in calmer waters. Your support isn't just money; it's a bridge back to in person community. Thank you for reading my story and for being part of my village. Any amount you’re able to donate will be helpful, and if you can’t at this moment, please share.