Help me protect my family from Domestic Abuse

It took me 9 years to say enough was enough. I knew that when I left him the battle would be worse than if I stayed.  We have two kids together and deep down inside knowing the battle I would face was part of the reason I stayed. I hoped things would get better, until the day I realized they wouldn’t. That is when I started researching abuse, I never wanted to be a victim but the reality was I had been subjected to his abuse for the entirety of our relationship.  It was only little comments and his controlling behavior in the beginning, which I was too naïve to see.  The more time that passed the worse it got.  I used to wish he would just hit me, to have a physical mark would only provide the proof I needed to get help.  Unfortunately, that was the one thing he never did.  His words cut like knives.  Chew me up and spit me out, crucify everything about me from head to toe and inside out and then tell me he still loved me. He controlled my relationships, my whereabouts and punished me if we disagreed.  I put on a smile and continued each day knowing I couldn’t continue to live my life like this anymore.  Once I told him I couldn’t do it anymore that is when he threatened my life and his own.  Locked in my own bedroom and a gun under his pillow, he told me I ruined his life.  He told me that my parents should raise the girls and he felt that would be best. That morning I learned the power of my own words as I talked him off the ledge for the sake of my own life. That is the day I stopped sleeping. The situation became dire. I had to act as if nothing had happened and I went into survival mode. Police reports were made, I met with an attorney, I had a safe house and an emergency plan in place. The attorney heard my case and informed me, I could have an emergency restraining order put in place and we could wrap this up faster than me attempting to navigate through with the help of the self-help law facilitator. When I left the attorneys office, I knew I needed his help but I also needed $3,500 to even put him on retainer. I was the sole provider for 9 years; I wasn’t prepared for all of this financially. I managed to pull enough together and get my kids and myself to safety, that was the first priority.  The day came when I finally signed a lease for a new house and it was go time.  I had everything secretly planned and there was no turning back.  While I moved out he suddenly wanted to be helpful.  Secretly arriving at my new place on my first trip with the movers, he walks right in and says to me, “what, aren’t we going to be friends?  I just want to see where the girls will be living.” His words made my skin crawl. I felt so violated at that moment. This was my sanctuary and he just walked right in. Originally we had agreed to a visitation schedule.  I couldn’t fight him anymore, so I accepted the girls would be with him one week and then one week with me. A schedule I knew he couldn’t even handle but I was willing to watch him fail.  He wasn’t an active role in their lives ever.  He was a fixture in the background but now he wanted to be more.  His first week came, the girls didn’t want to go, but I had to work through it with them.  I had to explain this is what we had to do.  He had them for a mere 32 hours and then dropped them off on the porch, said we needed to take baby steps and drove away. I thought that possibly we could be amicable through this and work together to agree to a new visitation schedule for our children, but it’s not turning out that way.  He is not agreeing to any visitation schedule and continues to disrupt our lives daily.  He shows up anytime we leave the house. Chance occurrence I thought the first time but now it is turning out to be every day. He is taking the kids and returning them after an hour or two and turning their worlds upside down. I cannot stop him as we do not have a legal binding agreement yet.  He is now abusing them with his games the same way he did to me for years. I need to protect them, I need to protect myself.  I do not have the funds for an attorney right now, but it is has become a dire situation once again.  I cannot continue to allow this man to control my life.  I cannot subject my children to his abusive ways.  Any amount of money raised will go directly to the attorney.  I will continue to strategically plan and save until my goal is reached.  I have never been one to put my life out there like this. I hate to ask for help. I understand life knocks us down, but we dust ourselves off and get back up.  I am a fighter.  I am raising strong girls who will be strong woman.  I am a mother of 4.  Never tell me I can’t, it only motivates me even more!