Help me make my van a home

When I pulled into the alignment shop on an early Friday in April I was full of hope. My hope was that a quick alignment was all my van required to make it driveable. My hope was to take it over to the car wash after, clean it out, and start the process of turning my 2002 E-150 Passanger Van into a home.

But I was in for a surprise

A decade of life in Wisconsin meant the undercarriage of the van was rusted. All told the vehicle needed $2,000 worth of work. Rear drums, breakpads, suspension, and rotors all need fixing. The tires are worn thin and one is a spare.

Me: "Can I drive it to work? I really need some wheels"

Repairman: "I... wouldn't. Or at least I'd only do it until my paycheck comes in."


Solid advice foiled only by the fact that I don't have a job right now.


This is probably a good time for some context

My name's Matt Duhamel and I'm an artist. I write words, and make visual art , and games . I also have chronic fatigue, severe depression, and most likely PTSD. I have been working with doctors to find solutions to my conditions but lack of adequate healthcare has made this a difficult process. I might have an autoimmune disorder, but we're not sure because I can't afford the tests in terms of money or spare time.

I am also on the Autism Spectrum Disorder. Essentially, this means I find a lot of things very difficult that may seem effortless to you.

So I need help.


Why do I want to make this van a home?

I worry that just explaining this could be used to justify abhorrant gig economy behavior, but the fact is that the economy we have now makes it EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to pay traditional rent on a retail or low-wage salary. I've tried to find roommates but nothing has panned out. And frankly, I'm tired of untennable balance; worried everything is going to fall apart. I guess they already have, but I still have a roof over my head so I know there is farther I can fall.

A van is a safety net. A roving sanctuary that will keep me dry while I try to maintin my life and grow as a person. My hope is without the added burden of rent I can escape the cycle of work-anxiety. Always living paycheck to paycheck, always worrying that my fatigue and my mental health will cause me to lose my job. Always afraid that I won't be enough in the eyes of someone who sees me as a machine that does things for them. Easily replaceable if I'm not up to spec.

In our late capitalist world a ton of our value as human beings is placed on our ability to work. How do you value yourself when your labor is less efficient than others? How do you accept yourself when you can't keep pace in life? These are hard questions I want to find answers to, and I can't do it when my mind is continually in crisis .


What's my plan?

The basic plan is to just repair the van. If I can raise $2,000 I can get the vehicle road worthy which will greatly expand my job hunting options. I have to be out of my apartment by the end of May regardless of what happens - none of the jobs I've been able to even get callbacks from pay enough to pay my current rent - so a basic road worthy van I can sleep in is really the minimum I need.

But my hope is to make it a home. That means food, water, bathroom, electricity. I have plans for solar power setup when I can afford it, I'd like to get a camping toilet, heater, fridge , and even build a sink into the back. Not all of this is required to just sleep in it, but these basic amenities will make life easier which will help me focus on finding a job, healing and growing and being a benefit to others. Any extra I recieve above the $2,000 will be going towards this.

It took me awhile to muster the courage to write this, but a good friend said "people who care about you would be sad if you needed help and didn't ask." So I'm being brave and I'm asking. I need your help if you have help to spare.