Hi everyone, first I apologize for not having any pictures of my face but I don't want the person I'm hiding from finding this. I wish I could say this situation was just a bad dream but it isn't. What's happening now is the next chain in a long list of unfortunate events.

To start off, I am a domestic violence survivor. For years I had endured verbal abuse from my Dad for really anything that pisses him off enough. It's weighed on me for years to the point that I am afraid of falling asleep for the possibility of seeing him in my dreams. The more I realized how awful my life actually was the worse the effects got, but one day I decided enough was enough and slowly began to work through my fear of him. I went from being too afraid to even use his tissues to being capable of shouting back at him. The lock on my heart I had since birth was finally breaking, but this all came to an end during covid.

In 2022 my Dad was taking out the baby rage he had towards my Mom on my sister. With my newfound courage I went downstairs to protect her. He continued shouting at her for not being able to bake chicken(she had never done so before, and he provided no instructions). At some point I thought enough was enough and told him "no one is going to eat your chicken" and before I got the chance to explain why he attacked me, strangling me for my sin of sanity, only stopping after my Mom literally pried him off of me.

That incident revitalized my fear of him, because it confirmed my deepest fear, that he would kill me if he was mad enough. I wanted to call the police but my mom assured me she had a plan and prevented me from doing so. I found out later she had no plan and simply wanted to protect my dad from consequences. Luckily I started college so I got some time away from them, but my troubles didn't end. My Dad became more violent towards my sister and my mom. I foolishly thought this would have no effect on me but it only increased my night terrors and my academics plummeted as a result. I failed pretty much my entire sophomore year which put me in danger of being kicked out of college.

I found out my college offered free therapy so I started using it and was determined to work my way back academically and graduate so I could live away from that monster. I had to take summer school to not be kicked out of college, needless to say I did not tell my Dad about this since he had already tried to kill me over less. I had planned to pay off the cost myself later to not cause any further problems. I ended up doing very well in my summer classes and was no longer on academic probation, this was followed by a great fall semester where I passed two classed I had failed twice already, being Calculus II and Data Structures(Im a computer science major). But I had still not payed back my summer tuition, I got a lucky extension since my college's system kept breaking down but eventually it caught up to me.

Fast forward to 2025, by the time I paid off my hold it was too late and my classes were cancelled. I had gotten all of my private loans with my Dad as the cosigner since my Mom just didn't want to be. Since I am not enrolled for classes my loan was cancelled and my Dad would likely find out. I was not sticking around to see his reaction with how he's acted in the past and went into the emergency housing provided by my school.

But because my classes were cancelled I would not be allowed to remain in my housing. Panicked, I called the homeless shelters in my state and beyond nonstop but none of them wanted to help me or they were already full and physically couldn't help me. With no shelter in time I was left homeless. If I went back I would have been killed, so I struggled along hiding out in my residence hall, created this gofundme and went to school events that offered food so I could stay alive.

Summer was approaching so the dorms would close but I still couldn't support myself. Miraculously while the loan was cancelled my dad just thought it was a mistake, so I was able to go back home during the summer as if nothing had ever happened. But something had happened, so many terrible things had happened. I experienced all kinds of new terror and shame that I had never experienced before. Beyond that things weren’t all fine and dandy now that I was back home. My Dad was still violent, and getting worse. I was talking with my mom about the old strangulation incident, and she downplayed it saying he only “held my neck” as if she wasn’t right there to see the truth. This made me realize that my mom really didn’t care about me, and that I would always suffer as long as I remained attached to my “family”.

My mind was reaching its limit, if I didn’t get out of that house then I would have gone crazy. So I began to plan a way out, a way to live on my own. I naturally tried to include my sister in this, but she seemed determined to stay with my parents. I’m hoping that if I show her a better life is possible, she will leave that house too now that she is in college and has more freedom. The fall semester started and with all my legal documents in order, along with help from my school in getting loans I cut off from my parents for the final time, leaving me where I am now.

Myy school offers meal plans for food but the school facilities will be closing for the summer leaving me in the same situation as I was in before, in danger of starving. Due to all the horrific stuff that's happened to me I was diagnosed with PTSD and have frequent night terrors. Even the little classwork I have now is a struggle, so unfortunately I'm not really in a state to work, even if it was a simple remote job. I've utilized the food pantry on campus but it definitely won't be enough to last me the entire summer.

I want to live, and live freely but to do that I need to be entirely independent and stable, so please help me not starve. Thank you for reading through this, have a wonderful day.