Help Me Help My Friend - Stroke Recovery & Support

Hello! My name is Neil Terry. In the hospital bed is my oldest friend, Alan Choat. We met in August 1987, at marching band practice just before our freshman year of high school. Alan immediately hated me. Didn't like me one bit. But I only knew two other people there, and decided I liked him and would make a friend of him whether he wanted it or not. By the next school year, we decided we that we were brothers, and that was that. In the 37 years since then, whether we were roommates or living 3000 miles apart, we have always looked out for each other as best we could. For the last 15 years, Alan has lived in Syracuse, New York while I remained in California, but it has been rare for a month or even a week to go by without a call, and the only two vacations I've taken in the last ten years were to visit him and his family.

About four years ago, Alan's marriage, like many, fell apart though even his ex-wife admits he is just about the best Dad a child could want. (Their three children agree.) He would probably prefer I not go into detail, but this was very difficult for him, and his attitude and his health have both suffered in that time. But he kept on keeping on.

Unfortunately, on April 17th 2025 Alan had a stroke. He is still in the hospital, but is making good progress. He is fine cognitively, but there is some very limited function in his right leg and arm. If trends continue, a great deal of recovery of function is possible. But that still leaves him divorced and broke as a joke with a stroke, and without a viable living space to return to if he has to give up his apartment. His parents are happy to take him in, but their bedrooms and bathrooms are all at the top of a long flight of stairs, and they are 75 and 77 years old on a fixed income. They have a lot of love but not much stamina or financial help to spare. Unless Alan's physical recovery is nearly 100% before discharge, this arrangement is simply dangerous and won't work, at least not for now. When he gets out of hospital and rehab, he will most likely need mostly level ground and a physically able roommate, at least at first.

In November of last year, Jeana, my partner of 26 years, became seriously ill. She passed away December 15th. While we were never well off, we were doing well enough for just the two of us. But the loss of income and costs of her passing have now set me back quite a bit. Since Jeana passed, I have been planning and working toward joining Alan in Syracuse and taking the second bedroom at his apartment. I expected it to take a year or so, but now there is no time for waiting. I bought the cheapest plane ticket I could find, and I am here in Syracuse visiting Alan in the hospital and doing my best to plan our future.

This fundraiser isn't about current medical bills. Alan, insurance, and the state will have to come to an agreement on that. It's about the other expenses and complications that will come right after his hospitilization /rehab ends, and making sure my brother has a place he can rehabilitate fully and thrive, with someone who is able to handle whatever physical circumstances arise. Alan will likely have some disability income, even if low or temporary, and while it will hopefully cover a lot of his modest expenses, it won't be immediate. I have enough cash to keep us both afloat for maybe a month, and nowhere near enough to complete a cross-country move at the same time. I am quite employable and already looking for jobs that will allow a little flexibility, since we do not know exactly what shape Alan will be in. What we need is about a 120 day head start so I can get this all together and make one more trip to close out my own apartment. I'm not looking for a fancy move, just emptying the apartment, selling what is sellable, loading up what I need, dumping the rest and driving back. If I can get that done before he's out of the hospital, it will be a bit cheaper, but it may have to wait for a month or two. Unfortunately due to the nature of the illness I am not in control of the timing at all. I am aware our plans may seem spur-of-the-moment and risky, but

I have a limited window in which to act, and once we are settled, our living expenses are quite modest.

I'm willing to give all I have to give. I could just go back to California and my apartment and my job and just sit there moping like a fool, but...no, I can't. Whatever happens, I'm not leaving my brother in this kind of bind.

If you would like to help two decent guys start all over again from almost nothing, and help me get my brother Alan literally back on his feet, I can't promise to repay you or guarantee you a spot in heaven, but you will have my eternal gratitude.

I have discussed this fundraiser with Alan, and he has given me his permission to go ahead with it. We were already planning to be roommates again, and we both feel that unless a different arrangement is medically necessary, that's what we're going to do.

(edited to add a few things 4/26/25)

Alan is still in ICU but still improving. They seem very interested in getting him generally healthier and preventing further strokes rather than trying to jump into physical rehab immediately. It's day by day.

I am still in the process of seeing if I can keep Alan's current apartment. I should know next week. If I can't, it's still the same plan, we'll just have to get a new apartment when he's closer to coming home, which could be two weeks or two months from now. I have decent credit, great rental history and all that. Working on more verifiable income (local job) right now. If we do have to stay with his parents for a short time, I'll be here to do any heavy lifting and help with the stairs until we can move on.

If things were to take a turn for the worse, (more strokes resulting in major paralysis or death)and he needs to live in an assisted living facility or doesn't make it, any funds raised would go toward funeral expenses or making him as comfortable as possible, and then his parents. If there is anything left over I might use some to go back to California.

I just want to make it clear and transparent, I'm not looking to "profit" here. The only way I personally will benefit fom this is if things go well for Alan, our plan goes ahead, and we either keep his apartment or get a new one, and that will only be very low moving expenses for me and initial rent for us. Anything I get out of this, Alan gets that plus some.

I picked $20,000 as the amount because I knew that would cover everything, and in fundraising you should always shoot a little high. Anything helps, no donation is too small, and we will make it work with whatever we get. If you cannot afford it, do not donate. But if you think it's a worthwhile cause, I DO ask that you share it on social media.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you to those who have chosen to donate and/or share.