Everyone has a chapter that isn’t read out loud. A chapter of their lives that nobody knows about behind closed doors. Now for those who know me, I am usually not one to go out of my way to ask for help from others. My whole life I have been very independent and positive person. I’ve always had the mindset that I could just “do it myself” and handle things on my own. Although, this past year has really proved me wrong. I was shown that reaching out isn't a bad thing and I know this is a long shot but to those who are reading this, please take the time to read my story and understand why I am asking for help.

Growing up, I lived with my single-parent mother with no other support or a father figure. My mom and I had a very rocky relationship throughout my life due to the fact she was an alcoholic who struggled with a bipolar disorder, anxiety and depression. Throughout it all though, she was still my mom. She had supported and tried to provide for me as best as she could my entire life. I was grateful for everything she had struggled to go through for me and loved her regardless our situation or relationship.

When it came time to plan for college, we had no idea how I was supposed to go away as I had always dreamed- that was until my mom had won the lottery. We struggled for many years financially and finally a blessing had come our way.. or so I thought. The ticket was supposed to help pay for college but instead my mom had begun to get greedy with the money. She spent most of it gambling and buying things she didn't need due to poor decision making. Fights with her became worse and she no longer wanted to help me with anything because she thought all I wanted to do was spend what we had when in reality it was the other way around. I had moved out and into my Nan’s house temporarily to get away from the unhealthy relationship we had and get my mind right for college. Sooner than later, the money that was supposed to help me pay for college was already almost gone.

2016 was the start of my freshman year at West Virginia University. It was everything I wanted and more as "home away from home".  As a freshman, I had mostly everything covered through the loans. Summer came around and I had gotten a job to help pay for things on my own since I had barely financial support from anyone- including my mother. Sophomore year had finally came around and here I was paying for my own car insurance, phone bill and rent living in an apartment at school. The loan I had taken out for the year didn't fully cover all my expenses though so I was working at school as well to get by. In mid-September my mom started to become extremely sick and it started to worry me. She wasn’t very healthy to begin with but being the stubborn hard-headed woman she was, she refused to go to the hospital to see what was wrong and instead left me a shocking and unforgettable encounter.

In early October of 2017, I had come home to surprise my mom because she had kept telling me she didn't feel well and missed me. Expecting to surprise her, she surprised me instead. My mom had changed the locks on the apartment while I was away- unaware I continued to knock on the door and call the house phone which was not answered. The balcony door had been cracked opened which I then kept calling her name to come open the door. It was typical for my mom not to answer phone calls but the door she always looked to see who it was. With no answers, I started to get a really bad feeling in my gut. I decided to call my friends to bring over a ladder which I then climbed over the balcony to get inside. Once I had stepped inside my old apartment, my heart dropped to my stomach when I noticed what looked like a horror film in front of me.

I found my mother laying naked and bruised from head to toe, covered in blood and her own feces on the bathroom floor. My mother had a major stroke and fell on her way to the shower, which left her paralyzed on her entire right side of her body. Being a single parent who lived alone, (since I was away at school), she had laid there for 4 days paralyzed and unable to get help until I had found her. If I hadn’t come home for a visit my mother wouldn’t be alive today. She immediately went into hospital care and after months, she is finally now in a rehabilitation home. Recently she has started to gain some movement back into her leg and her speech has improved quite a bit since the stroke- where in the beginning she couldn't speak or move at all. Unfortunately I have no idea if she will be able to come out of long term nursing or recover fully at all... Each day is hard because it’s a constant struggle with my mom. I have been praying every day for her recovery because the worse thing in the world is to see your mom or loved one cry and be hurt when there’s nothing you can do.

I am an only child who solely relied on my mother’s help financially for school and other expenses. After the incident, my mother and I had lost our apartment and we had my mother's car repossessed. Skipping a few weeks of school driving back and forth from WVU, I helped my Nan and other family members move our belongings elsewhere. The money that she had left is now paying for all medical costs, leaving me with no financial help or support for anything. I became responsible for things that I never had to deal with before. I’m struggling to pay for school and also keep up and pay bills of my own, along with bills that I am newly responsible for since my mom is permanently disabled. I am trying to work as much as I can to do what I can while in school and throughout the summer but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough.

This entire situation has been extremely difficult for me to deal with. For a while after everything had happened, I was in a really bad place. I was barely eating and lost unhealthy amount of weight. I was constantly sad and crying every night. I barely wanted to do anything and I’d lay in bed for days at a time, even skipping classes some days. I had thoughts that in my head I never thought I’d think of and felt like I was a bother to everyone around me. I had decided to get help and start counseling due to the hard time I had trying to cope with my mom’s situation and other personal issues. It wasn’t until months after that I reached out for help and I was then diagnosed with depression and PTSD from my encounter. Some days are worse than others but every day is a new day and lately things have been better for me. I try my hardest not to let it affect me and try to maintain a normal “college student” life. Although, being a first generation student, my dream is to finish college and graduate to make my mom and the rest of my family proud. Studying Criminology with a minor in Psychology and soon-to-be minor in addiction studies, I am determined to find a way to continue school and stay positive in this dark situation.

I am slightly embarrassed and scared to share my story with everyone but it is time for me to reach out. Things may seem fine behind social media and closed doors but this is my chapter not read out loud. I have and I am still continuing to struggle and I am asking anyone who is willing to help me pay off some of my expenses and help me continue school to please out of the kindness of your hearts help. And if you have read this and you cannot help, please send prayers and please continue to check on your loved ones. You never know when you might have your last day with them. I encourage that you be kind to others and never judge anyone because you truly never know what’s happening in one’s life. Also, if someone needs to talk about a difficult situation they are going through and are afraid too, please don’t hesitate to ask for help!

Again, I am truly appreciative for anything! God bless & thank you! xo