Help me get to the Complex Tramua Centre

This is very hard as i have never had to ask anyone let alone strangers for money. I short I need this money to be able to travel to Karlstad via bus, once a week to get treatment at The Complex PTSD Clinic, I have been waiting to for almost year and half. The bus is 260kr there and back so around 1000kr I do not have. The amount I am asking for will cover 6 months worth of journeys.  
I was badly abused a s a child in every way possible, I thought I had dealt with it in my own very bad ways. IE Drinking and other worse coping mechanisms. 
However everything changed when i moved to Sweden in 2016, well for the first year everything was great.  Then I decided to travel back home to the UK to take care of my sister who's mental health was getting worse and worse. (Slight side note she is doing great now!) On the plane to the UK I had mild yet horrible panic attack, in the airport to catch my plane back I had massive panic attack and nearly didn't make it onto the plane.
Once i got back to Sweden I thought everything would be fine but it wasn't at all. I started having panic attacks at work, at the shops, watching TV.
I managed to see a counselor and we worked together for a year. For the first few months she tried to get me to take some time off work and I refused and I refused because i felt like if I could work then I was worth something and I was not sick. I finally relented and said at the beginning of one of sessions after having a panic attack at my dentist appointment before hand that "Yes, maybe I should take some time off." 
 She took me straight to doctor and they signed me off, that was in November of 2017 and I have not been able to work since.
So I was off work and struggling to understand that myself worth was not what i could earn, or do, or make. I was enough as myself.
After a year with this wonderful counselor, I was able to open up and I had few different diagnoses, panic attack syndrome, burnt out syndrome but nothing seemed to fit. Until finally my counselor told me that she could not treat me anymore that i needed to go to the psychiatristry department. Before I could stop myself i asked "Is it because I have Complex PTSD?" and though she didnt want to she replied "Yes".
I cannot explain in words how much that totally broke down every single wall I had ever made. Everything crumbled, I had to go to friends house where i just sat for an hour not being able to speak and then falling asleep. It took me a long time to get used to this diagnoses but I did. I was very lucky to have this happen to me in Sweden where they have special centres for people like me. I feel like I have one foot in the past all the time, anything could trigger a memory which could lead to flash back. But I want to get through this, I want this treatment so much even though it means talking about things I never spoken about before. I have to rebuild the memories all the traumatic events, at the moment they are not whole and so unprocessed. Thats why they keep coming back. It's going to be so hard but I have Hope and that is the only thing that has kept me going. If you want to help that would be great if not then i hope that reading this doesn't make you feel sorry for me, I am stronger now then I have ever been.
I joke that I came to Sweden to find myself and I did but boy was she annoyed with me.

Donations

  • Mike Harman 
    • kr700 
    • 26 d
  • Anonymous 
    • kr700 
    • 1 mo
  • Anonymous 
    • kr400 
    • 1 mo
  • Anonymous 
    • kr200 
    • 1 mo
  • Anonymous 
    • kr250 
    • 1 mo

Organizer

Cassandra Treasure 
Organizer
Hagfors, S, Sweden
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