Well, here goes.

I have to go to a rehabilitation stay for mental and physical disability. I’m an immigrant and my VISA is still being processed so I have to pay some of the costs. I also need help with travel costs for my son, medication costs and living costs while I’m there. They are estimating that I’m there for 7 months.

Yes, I’m terrified. Being away from my son for 7 months is awful but I have no choice. I have to be the best me so he can have a good mother. He deserves the world. He deserves me at my best.

I have a permanent catheter from my bladder not working. My kidneys are narrowed so they don’t make urine pass like normal people and I have rheumatoid arthritis and lupus so since coming off of medication, I haven’t been able to stand up properly. I also have tumors inside my plexus in my hip, in my spine, my uterus and my bladder that’s making life very difficult. I have to relearn how to walk again and having organ damage that’s very severe is making it harder than usual. The rehabilitation could very much save my life.

I’m hoping that during this stay, I learn to live with my condition better and they give me tools to cope because I am not coping mentally at the moment. I have constant panic and terror, mostly about the situation with my legs. I obviously need some help learning how to use my legs again and figuring out my bladder etc while I’m awaiting surgery. Obviously all the stress is making my autoimmune disease worse too. It’s a lose lose situation for me.

It is a whole thing that I have to go through, I am terrified. I haven’t stopped shaking. I just want to be with my son. So badly. I tried for 10 years to have him and I was told I never would. This is breaking my heart but I just want to be strong enough to be a good mom to him.

Any donations will go towards travel so my son can visit, living costs and medical expenses. Thank you for reading so far and thank you in advance.