help me get home to recover from ptsd!

I go by many names. I'm 33, and afraid to show my face (but I kind of look like this drawing). I have DID, a disorder that conditioned me to become very talented at 'dissociating' trauma, which eventually caused entities called alters to become aware that they were sharing my body and mind with me. This is both a blessing and a curse, because not only do I have the capability of thinking from many perspectives thanks to my alters, but those perspectives can clash with each other and sabotage relationships and jobs, hinder our memory and time perception, and cause turmoil and confusion about things as simple as getting dressed or processing our reflection in the mirror... plus more things than I can list.

I've done it all with my alters - ruined and grieved lost friendships, made and learned from stupid choices, developed and overcome addictions. I have no friends, no support systems to speak of, and a job history so full of holes, I can barely convince anyone to hire me. Worst of all, I'm too eccentric for many new people to like me anymore, and truthfully, I'm just not in the mental shape for socializing, so I just keep to myself.

In spite of it all, I've always enjoyed my transient, solitary lifestyle, and proud of my self-sufficiency and independence. As an artist, I've always enjoyed telling stories, though I don't often open up about myself because it feels like people don't really care.

I still try though. One of my biggest goals in life is to tell stories that inspire girls to have self confidence and feel strong and capable, using my experiences to teach them how to see the red flags of toxic relationships. But my mental health has taken an unexpected nosedive, placing me in a situation where my best option is to move back home from Texas to New York.

Finding therapists and doctors that can help me in Texas isn't easy or cheap. It's also a struggle because I live alone, and have a cat to look after - so even if I could find some kind of inpatient help, I have to worry about who would be watching my cat. In the four years I've spent here, I've managed to make no friends, and became victimized by an ex - and crippled by the PTSD I didn't realize I even had because of my alters, who do everything they can to keep my mind off it.

Along the way, those alters have been sabotaging job attempts for two years, and struggling with flashbacks, seizures, and just things I really shouldn't be trying to handle without someone's supervision... hence making this appeal to get help going home.

In New York, I can temporarily live with family, where I can get all of these things done without worrying about losing my roof, facing eviction, and losing my cat. Unfortunately, my health is so low, with my disorder causing flashbacks and unpredictable symptoms, I can barely hold a job down to raise what I need to get back to NY.

I'm not expecting a full 5000 dollars, but it would be going to finding a company that will move all my belongings for me (including my car), then taking a plane to New York with Zelda, my cat. Anything left over would go toward any doctors I may need to pay up front for, or saved for a rainy day. That is all I'm looking for help with, and I genuinely can't get it done alone in my current state.

It's embarrassing for me to ask for these things, but if I can't find some kind of help moving, there's a pretty high chance I will end up homeless and unsheltered in Texas during the winter. Trauma has been weighing on me, but I'm trying to be prepared for that outcome.

In the current shape I'm in, this is my only choice to get home right now. I hate that I have to admit it, but I'm just barely keeping it together. I can only pretend to, but I simply can't function like I know I've done before. I hope you can offer some help and I appreciate your consideration.
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R. McBean 
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North Richland Hills, TX

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