Help Me Get Back to the Only Place That Gave Me Hope to Live

This is hard to write because I’ve asked for help before, and never thought I’d have to again. But I’m out of time and out of options. I know this may at first seem like I’m stuck in the same place, but I promise you I’m not. That’s exactly why this return to treatment could be a literal lifesaver—for me, and for my husband of nearly 14 years, Roger, and give us the ability to continue moving forward.

I’m 36 and have been battling a life-threatening eating disorder (anorexia nervosa) for over 22 years. Last year, I finally found a treatment center that offers something radically different: trauma-informed, deeply relational care tailored to those of us who have been sick for years or even decades, who haven’t YET been able to see lasting success from a traditional treatment model, and it’s also the only place in the country able and willing to treat me with my complex medical needs and disabilities.

This Severe and Enduring Eating Disorder (SEED) treatment model is not about punishing or fixing surface-level behaviors. It meets patients exactly where they are—with compassion, honesty, and individualized care. It’s the only place that’s ever truly made recovery feel not just possible, but worth fighting for. It’s the only place that’s given me any true hope.

While we prayed my previous stay would be the last, we’ve learned, more than ever, the hard truth that recovery is not linear—especially with a disorder this insidious and entrenched.

For months after discharge, I fought with everything I had to hold on. But I’m at a breaking point. Even trauma therapy I started recently had to be paused because my body and brain are no longer stable enough to handle it, which is disheartening because I’m finally working on some of the deep-seated trauma that has been a block to recovery progress thus far.

My outpatient team is urging me to return now—to stop the spiral, get medically stabilized, and come home as quickly and I safely can, and return a stronger version of ME, showing up for my husband and others I love. This may be my last chance to re-anchor myself before things unravel further.

The door is open. I’ve been offered a chance to return to the program, but we simply cannot afford the cost of travel. Flights will be around $2,000 total, as I cannot safely fly alone and Roger must come with me.

I was rejected from the financial aid program I applied to for eating disorder-specific travel support, and like so many in today’s world, we are flat-out broke. Medical expenses, a recent emergency surgery for our senior Beagle, and being a one-income household (Roger is a public school band teacher) has drained us completely.

If you’ve helped before: thank you. You helped me stay alive. Truly. I owe you more gratitude than I could ever express in words. And now I’m asking for help one more time—not to start over, but to keep going. This is a continuation of the fight for my life.

I’m scared. I’m exhausted. But I still want to live. I still want to heal. And I still believe this program can help me do that—not just for myself, but for Roger, and for our life I’m still holding out hope to return to.

If you’re able to donate or share, it would be a massive help. Even $5 makes a difference and can help me get back to the only place that’s made life feel possible and live-able again. I'm trying to raise the money needed to cover flights as quickly as I can, though the flights home won't need to be booked until closer to my discharge date, so if we can even raise half of the target to start, it would be a MAJOR help.

This is my best, and maybe last chance to return to treatment before things spiral even further. To return to the only place that has made life and recovery feel possible again, so I can get on with getting back home and LIVING. I’m terrified. I’m exhausted. I feel defeated. But I have never been someone to go down without fighting, and ultimately: I still want to LIVE.

Thank you so much for reading, and for being part of my fight. God bless.

Becca

Please feel free to donate here, or directly donate via PayPal or Venmo:

Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/RebeccaDoss

Venmo: https://account.venmo.com/u/mrsrdoss